So I saw the 5:00 Ch. 2 News thing they ran last night and the stuff from the phone interview I did from Beirut. At first, I was like, "It's okay." And they even got out my political messages--the evacuation is inhuamne. The US and the West should be held responsible when Israel just goes in and destroys everything after the foreigners leave. There needs to be an immediate ceasefire. It's going to be so bad for the people who don't get evacuated.
But now that I'm thinking about it I just seem like a paranoid freak. I've just been too paranoid and freaking out. It's like embarrassing now. For all my friends, y'all know me and my personality so you understand me, and I don't feel weird abuot y'all. But what kind of distorted message have I put out.
My friends there aren't acting like paranoid freaks. But that's because they fall into two other categories.
One, I'm goign to act as "normal" as I can. And to some extent, be in denial about the reality of the situation.
Two, it's really bad. I need to get the hell out of here. Or if I can't, I'm going to be very, very sad and pretty desperate.
I have friends in both camps.
So they're not all external and freaky about it like me. Which plays really great for the local news.
But either way, it's all bad.
Maybe if I hadn't been so freaked out, my mom wouldn't have gotten so freaked out. And then I could have taken my time coming home.
But she probably would have been freaked out anyways, whether I had been blogging like this or not. . .right?
Staying . . .why am I talking like this? They are trying to get out. The friends in Camp One are the ones who can't.
4 comments:
Jane,
First off, you should try your best to stop second-guessing your decision to leave. You made the right choice for yourself at the time when you had to make that choice.
Other people have their own situations; you have yours. Questioning that won't accomplish anything.
Second: Some of your messages have been well-reasoned and on target. Some others, not so much. *All* of them, though, have obviously been rooted in a desire to see the conflict end as quickly as possible, and for the right reasons.
Even those of us who sometimes disagree with your opinions can see that.
You have passion, and a voice. Want to feel less in denial? Study up. Invest. Engage. Keep talking to people with a variety of opinions. Embrace the complexity. Figure out ways to get around the obstacles others throw in your way.
(For example: in the past, at least, Israel has been more than happy to try to accomodate visitors who want to travel to nations where an Israeli passport stamp is verboten. Now's probably not the best time to go, but I'll bet you could manage to avoid barring yourself from visiting/living in Lebanon [or Syria, or wherever] if you tried.)
I'll look forward to reading the blogs that will emerge...
And, if you want, just call me "j".
"j" is very wise.
-Regina
Die. In. A. God. Damn. Fire. Bitch.
Wow. Someone seems very angry. "J" IS very wise. Too bad not more people reason like "j".
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