August 27, 2006

White Church, Black Church & my 15th Birthday

Being back in Katy, Texas is so weird. The neighborhood has changed. There are more people of diverse, ethnic backgrounds. But it's still the same. The white, rich, Republicans dominate.

I went to Kingsland Baptist Church this morning, where I've been going for the past three weeks. This is the church I started going to back when I was 15 years. Having grown up, unchurched, I started believing in and following Jesus after a summer camp experience where I concluded that there is no such thing as coincidence. A couple days later, while getting the mail, my neighbor, a woman I had known my whole life, asked me if I was saved.

"What is that?"

I knew it was something religious. And usually I would have said "No, not interested." But I was interested. So I went into her house and she told me how she was saved. And after a long talk, she gave me a small book that was a study of the gospel of John.

I knew there was a Bible in that room in my house where my dad kept his stuff. (My parents had divorced long before.) I found it and started reading John, and I got to . . .

"And to all who believed him, to all who called on his name, he gave the right to become children of God, children not born of natural descent, nor of a husband's will, nor of human decision, but born of God." (This is how I remember it. I didn't even look it up. . . I promise.)

And I felt and I saw a light. And I just knew. This was it. This is what I had been looking for my entire life. I knew this was God. And God's been talking to me and taking care of me ever since.

So I told that crazy girl who I had become friends with the year before, "Yes, I'll go with you to your youth group at church."

Then on September 11, 1991, I stayed after youth group with the youth minister and said the prayer confessing my sins and professing belief that Jesus is God and has paved the way for my sins and that I would commit to following Jesus.

I'm coming up on my 15th birthday. You know what happened on my 10th birthday.

So this morning, I went to Kingsland. And the pastor talked about "getting on the dance floor" with your partner who is your spouse and how God created us to have these stable families where the moms stay home and greet their children when they come home everyday.

And at some point, the all-male deacons collect the offering.

And the worship is very ordered. Stand up, sit down. Maybe a couple people lift their arms during a particularly upbeat song.

And then I went to the Singles class. Yes, I've come to accept that certain level of humiliation that comes with being a single 30-year old in suburbia. (I just have 2 high school friends who are still single. The other ones have all bitten the dust. . . . Is that a dumb joke? I don't even know what the phrase is supposed to mean.)

So then church got out, and I went across the street to Faith Manger Church, next to the Seven Days Food Store, across from my high school. And a black woman hugs me when I come in. And the drums are beating loud. It's a small place-- two rooms of a strip mall. There were about 25 people there. And guess what?? I wasn't the only white person. There were two other white women, and white kids. And the man at the front was white.

But this was black church.

Loud drums, praying out loud, screaming out loud, praying in tongues, people walking around, women embracing/smothering other women as they pray for each other, and one was the full-on show, having been taken over by the Holy Spirit.

I'm used to black church. I started going when I moved to Boston when I was 18. But the first time I saw a woman with her head down and spinning around and wailing, it kind of freaked me out.
And I felt so comfortable. I haven't been able to worship my style, since I was in Boston a month ago. And in black church, it's free. You talk aloud, you lift up your hands, you can walk around, you can dance around, you can run around the church, you can talk to your neighbor, and you can start crying, or you can sit in your chair and just meditate (if you can handle all the noise.)

It's free. That's how I worship. Not that every black church is like this. It's not this loud or as dramatic at my church home in Cambridge. When I say "white church" and "black church" I'm describing different styles. But of course every congregation is different. My church in Lebanon was much more like black church than white church.

Kingsland just sent a team to Mongolia for a week-long short-term missions trip.

I wonder if any of those people have been next door.

And then came my favorite part--the sermon. This is always a crap shoot. Sometimes the pastor is good, and sometimes the pastor really isn't so good. This guy was talking about stuff that had nothing to do with the passage from Scripture. It was like he'd just go off and say stuff and then say let's look back at the passage. But what was he looking at?

I tend to get bored and lose focus in situations like this. Generally, I can't stay awake through sermons or movies. So I just started reading the passage myself, and how weird is this . . . . it said . . .

"The violence you have done to Lebanon will overwhelm you,
and your destruction of animals will terrify you.
For you have shed man's blood;
you have destroyed lands and cities and everyone in them."
--Habakkuk 2: 17

You think I just looked that up in a concordance or something. I didn't. And I never look at Habakkuk. God is so weird like that. I haven't been reading much of my Bible at all, not in these last two years, at least. Since I've been in Katy, I've tried resurrecting my quiet time.

But this passage is just uncanny.

You know Habakkuk is chiding Israel. (Actually it's Judah--the southern kingdom that included Jerusalem when Israel divided after Solomon's reign.) That's what all those Old Testament prophets do.

August 26, 2006

Katrina

Having had to suddenly leave Lebanon, war-torn, and ruined. Which is now beginning to rebuild itself.

To come to Houston, Texas, that's received 150,000 Katrina refugeess, some of whom I've met, these past couple weeks that I've been here.

At the one year anniversary.

------------------------------------------------------------
Now, all of a sudden, Katrina seems to matter.

Do you think Spike Lee would go to southern Lebanon and make a documentary?

Well, maybe he isn't the one to do it. Four hours is too long for anything. Nothing should be that long.

But the people here in Houston, the Red Cross and the churches, have experience dealing with this situation. Maybe some of that expertise could be applied to Lebanon.

August 23, 2006

Excerpts from "Hizballah: A Primer" by Laura Deeb, in Middle East Report Online, 31 July 2006


-------------------------------------------------------
Prior to May 2000, almost all of Hizballah’s military activity was focused on freeing Lebanese territory of Israeli occupation. The cross-border attacks from May 2000 to July 2006 were small operations with tactical aims (Israel did not even respond militarily to all of them).

Hizballah’s founding document also says: “We recognize no treaty with [Israel], no ceasefire and no peace agreements, whether separate or consolidated.” This language was drafted at the time when the Israeli invasion of Lebanon had just given rise to the Hizballah militia. Augustus R. Norton, author of several books and articles on Hizballah, notes that, “While Hizballah’s enmity for Israel is not to be dismissed, the simple fact is that it has been tacitly negotiating with Israel for years.” Hizballah’s indirect talks with Israel in 1996 and 2004 and their stated willingness to arrange a prisoner exchange today all indicate realism on the part of party leadership.

---------------------------------------------------------
When the first post-war elections were held in Lebanon in 1992, many of the various militia groups (which had often grown out of political parties) reverted to their political party status and participated. Hizballah also chose to participate, declaring its intention to work within the existing Lebanese political system, while keeping its weapons to continue its guerrilla campaign against the Israeli occupation in the south, as allowed by the Ta’if accord. In that first election, the party won eight seats, giving them the largest single bloc in the 128-member parliament, and its allies won an additional four seats. From that point on, Hizballah developed a reputation -- even among those who disagree vehemently with their ideologies -- for being a “clean” and capable political party on both the national and local levels. This reputation is especially important in Lebanon, where government corruption is assumed, clientelism is the norm and political positions are often inherited. As a group, Lebanese parliamentarians are the wealthiest legislature in the world.

While the party’s parliamentary politics were generally respected, levels of national support for the activities of the Islamic Resistance in the south fluctuated over the years. Israeli attacks on Lebanese civilians and infrastructure -- including the destruction of power plants in Beirut in 1996, 1999 and 2000 -- generally contributed to increases in national support for the Resistance. This was especially true after Israel bombed a UN bunker where civilians had taken refuge in Qana on April 18, 1996, killing 106 people.

--------------------------------------------------------
Since 2000, Lebanon has also been awaiting the delivery from Israel of the map for the locations of over 300,000 landmines the Israeli army planted in south Lebanon. Unstated “rules of the game,” building on an agreement not to target civilians written after the Qana attack in 1996, have governed the Israeli-Lebanese border dispute since 2000. Hizballah attacks on Israeli army posts in the occupied Shebaa Farms, for example, would be answered by limited Israeli shelling of Hizballah outposts and sonic booms over Lebanon.

Both sides, on occasion, have broken the “rules of the game,” though UN observer reports of the numbers of border violations find that Israel has violated the Blue Line between the countries ten times more frequently than Hizballah has. Israeli forces have kidnapped Lebanese shepherds and fishermen. Hizballah abducted an Israeli businessman in Lebanon in October 2000, claiming that he was a spy. In January 2004, through German mediators, Hizballah and Israel concluded a deal whereby Israel released hundreds of Lebanese and Palestinian prisoners in exchange for the businessman and the bodies of three Israeli soldiers. At the last minute, Israeli officials defied the Supreme Court’s ruling and refused to hand over the last three Lebanese prisoners, including the longest-held detainee, Samir al-Qantar, who has been in jail for 27 years for killing three Israelis after infiltrating the border. At that time, Hizballah vowed to open new negotiations at some point in the future.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
It should also be noted that many of Hizballah’s constituents do not want to live in an Islamic state; rather, they want the party to represent their interests within a pluralist Lebanon.

------------------------------------------------------------------
“Hizballah supporter” is itself a vague phrase. There are official members of the party and/or the Islamic Resistance; there are volunteers in party-affiliated social welfare organizations; there are those who voted for the party in the last election; there are those who support the Resistance in the current conflict, whether or not they agree with its ideology. To claim ridding south Lebanon of Hizballah as a goal risks aiming for the complete depopulation of the south, tantamount to ethnic cleansing of the area.

Excerpts from "The 'hiding among civilians' myth" by Mitch Prothero, in salon.com, 28 July 2006



The Israelis are consistent: They bomb everyone and everything remotely associated with Hezbollah, including noncombatants. In effect, that means punishing Lebanon. The nation is 40 percent Shiite, and of that 40 percent, tens of thousands are employed by Hezbollah's social services, political operations, schools, and other nonmilitary functions. The "terrorist" organization Hezbollah is Lebanon's second-biggest employer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Although Israel targets apartments and offices because they are considered "Hezbollah" installations, the group has a clear policy of keeping its fighters away from civilians as much as possible. This is not for humanitarian reasons -- they did, after all, take over an apartment building against the protests of the landlord, knowing full well it would be bombed -- but for military ones.

"You can be a member of Hezbollah your entire life and never see a military wing fighter with a weapon," a Lebanese military intelligence official, now retired, once told me. "They do not come out with their masks off and never operate around people if they can avoid it. They're completely afraid of collaborators. They know this is what breaks the Palestinians -- no discipline and too much showing off."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

So the analysts talking on cable news about Hezbollah "hiding within the civilian population" clearly have spent little time if any in the south Lebanon war zone and don't know what they're talking about. Hezbollah doesn't trust the civilian population and has worked very hard to evacuate as much of it as possible from the battlefield. And this is why they fight so well -- with no one to spy on them, they have lots of chances to take the Israel Defense Forces by surprise, as they have by continuing to fire rockets and punish every Israeli ground incursion.

Qana

Excerpt from “How can we stand by and allow this to go on?” by Robert Fisk, in The Independent, 31 July 2006


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And in Qana, of all places. For only 10 years ago, this was the scene of another Israeli massacre, the slaughter of 106 Lebanese refugees by an Israeli artillery battery as they sheltered in a UN base in the town. More than half of those 106 were children. Israel later said it had no live-time pilotless photo-reconnaissance aircraft over the scene of that killing a statement that turned out to be untrue when The Independent discovered videotape showing just such an aircraft over the burning camp. It is as if Qana whose inhabitants claim that this was the village in which Jesus turned water into wine has been damned by the world, doomed forever to receive tragedy.

And there was no doubt of the missile which killed all those children yesterday. It came from the United States, and upon a fragment of it was written: "For use on MK-84 Guided Bomb BSU-37-B". No doubt the manufacturers can call it "combat-proven" because it destroyed the entire three-storey house in which the Shalhoub and Hashim families lived. They had taken refuge in the basement from an enormous Israeli bombardment, and that is where most of them died.

August 22, 2006

Lens on Lebanon--check out this great site

"As filmmakers, journalists, and activists from Lebanon, Europe, and North America, we have pooled our resources to deliver film and video equipment into communities in south Lebanon and other areas transformed by the conflict, and to bring out documentary evidence as well as photo narratives, and video diaries of daily life."

Figuring out how to help Lebanon from here--Working with Hizbolla???

I'm now responding to Wally's last post.

But first, let me admit, he sent a really, long good post about the history of Israel a while back, and I stuck it in a "To read" folder along with a million other things and just didn't respond to it. But I do have to get to that, and hopefully that will happen in the next couple days.

But as for what he just proposed--going back to Lebanon and working for Hizbollah? I didn't really get what he was saying, or how much of it was sarcasm. (Sarcasm is really hard over e-mail--no tone, no voice, no body language).

So Wally, I don't understand what you mean. Do you mean coordinating whatever humanitarian efforts I will get involved in, with Hizbollah?

Right now, I'm thinking the best way to help these independent, small guys doing good work in Lebanon is for them to build websites, where they can post pictures, blog, and get PR. So that they can get partnership and support. It would be easier for me to find these partners--as I do speaking engagements--if there was some kind of website to direct them towards. They could also put out their budget, and be really clear about what they're spending money on.

I'm thinking of how to set this up from here. And thinking about getting donations of computers and digital cameras. This might mean my going back and visiting with different people and training someone at these organizations on setting up the website. (Yes, of course, I'm looking for an excuse to go back.) I was thinking of getting Apple Computers to donate, but then I realized that Apples aren't really good in developing countries, where all the pirated software people use wouldn't really be useful.

What do y'all think of the idea?

Hugo Chavez, War Economy, Corporate Enrichment & Impeachment

CNN ran a story about Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, yesterday. When it was done, the woman made some comments--"disturbing" and "unbelievable" or something like that.

Didn't I tell you Chavez is going to use this war as his opportunity to jump onto the world stage? Especially now that Castro's about to drop dead, and he can take his place.

And he's sticking up his middle finger at the U.S., threatening to cut off the oil. Which hopefully he won't do, because that will just hurt his own economy and make Venezuela descend into more crappiness. And what else would that do? Make the price of oil higher so those American oil companies can rake in even more money.

Because as we all know, it's those American companies--the oil ones, the construction ones, many of which happened to be based out of Houston and are close personal friends with Cheney and Bush, that are benefitting from this war. Shouldn't they be investigating how money Dick and Cheney are making off this war?

Besides the fact that war always revs up the economy, and when the economy is good, people tend to get re-elected. And it is an election year.

How many people think that if the Democrats take over the House, Pelosi (the Representative from San Francisco) will start impeachment hearings against Bush and Cheney, which she'll win and then become the first female President?

So what is Hezbulla?

Again, I will refer you to some of the Articles on my website HowToHelpLebanon.net.

So what did we discuss at the Katy Democrats meeting?

1) Hizbollah is a resistance organization that started in 1982, when Israel occupied South Lebanon. For 18 years, Israel ran an illegal prison on Lebanese soil, where they threw anyone in there who they suspected of being a "terrorist" without trial, and used medieval torture devices on them. I went there last year. It's a museum today that is run by Hizbollah.

In the year 2000, Hizbollah's tactics finally got the Israelis to leave. They were considered then and now, the only successful group to beat Israel. Yesterday, the emir of Qatar extolled Hizbollah as a source of pride for all Arab peoples, in that it is the only group to have beat Israel. I've heard Israel say they voluntarily "withdrew" from southern Lebanon, like they did in Gaza last summer. That's not true. Hizbollah forced them to leave. Liberation Day is a national holiday in Lebanon, when the whole country was glued to their televsions and watched, with teary eyes, those prisoners being released.

If you've been following this blog, you've heard me say this for the millionth time now.

2) Hizbollah has changed over the years. It's big time, with major funding from Iran. They have those secret, scary weapons, which I said from the beginning. Israel talking like they're going to get rid of them was stupid. And they did change that line pretty earlly in the war.

Syria does support them, but not as much. Syria claims that Israel occupies its land--the Golan Heights. Part of that is the Shebaa Farms, which Lebanon claims, but the UN says is Syrian. As long as Israel is occupying land that Syria claims, Syria will support Lebanese actions against it. But not so blatantly because it doesn't really want to get into a direct confrontation with Israel.

3) Hassan Nasrallah has a big, serious personal vendetta against the state of Israel. They killed his son. And according to Newsweek, "it took him almost a year to win his son's corpse back from the Israelis." So all this crazy language about wanting to get rid of Israel and calling them the vermin of the earth does come from him and is a major part of the Hizbollah philosophy.

But if other Arabs don't say it, they think it.

As the Syrian ambassador made very clear in his interview with Charlie Rose, until Israel accepts the land for peace plans, and goes back to pre-1967 borders, there will be no peace for it.

Does this mean it's okay to want to annihilate another group of people? No way. They are terrorists. But I consider Israel a terorist state. And I consider the U.S. and Iran terrorist states for supporting terrorists.

This whole terrorist/Islamo-fascist mindset is the Cold War of today. And makes for stupid, self-defeating foreign policy. Don't Americans think Vietnam was bad? That supporting Osama Bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein, and Tito and all these bad dictators everywhere was just bad? Is there no learning from history?

So what do you think? Will the cease fire hold?

I doubt it.

Reading about the 17-year Lebanese civil war, 1975-1992, reveals how much what is going on now looks like what happened back then. There would be lulls in the fighting, and then it would just start up. My friends aren't hopeful. There's pretty much no way that Hizbolla is going to disarm. Especially now, that they are the heroes of the Arab world.

But at least with the cease fire, they now have gas for their cars, and they can start cleaning up the oil spill.

Is it going to degenerate into sectarian violence . . . civil war? We're seeing it in Iraq. We've seen it in Lebanon.

I just keep praying against it.

Even my friends who didn't leave and had the option, who stayed out of some kind of stubbornness, are saying they want to leave. There's no future for them in Lebanon.

Some local coverage

http://www.katytimes.com/articles/2006/08/21/news/03news.txt

In the print version, they put my picture. I liked what the reporter picked up on. That I said that Hizbollah is Lebanese Shiites, and they are supported by Iran. Duh.

We discussed a little more than just that.

August 18, 2006

Mo will be on NPR tonight!!!!

A reporter from NPR e-mailed me for contacts in Lebanon for stories of people who are returning home. She's been following the blog.

So she interviewed my friend, and it's going on the air today!

Let's hope it's okay. I've always liked NPR, so I have very high hopes.

She says the story will then get posted on their website this weekend. So I can post that link later.

Terrorist Sypathizer: Why I went to the Middle East & Why the CIA fails

Now that I'm back in Katy, that place in Texas where I grew up, I see more and more why it is I think like and act like I do. I was always friends with those non-white kids. They were a minority in Katy. But in 4th grade my best friends were Vietnamese and Iraqi. Last summer, I visited my best friend who I met in 2nd grade who's Taiwanese. I was always eating Indian food at my friends' houses. And of course me and my neighbors were Latino. When I graduated from high school, an old friend told me, I was the kid who went up to her on the playground her first day in school and asked if she wanted to play.

Yesterday, at the DPS, I started talking in Arabic to a woman who was covered. She was speaking something close to Lebanese with her kids. When I asked her son where he was from, he said, proudly, "Philisteen. Al-Quds (Palestine, Jerusalem)." But it turns out, she and her children were born in Kuwait; her siblings were born in Lebanon. None of them have ever been to Palestine. So I easily made friends with her. She's going to take me to the local mosque, so I can continue my Arabic and Quran study. And we'll study poetry when I go to her house. I can already hear the cries from my detractors--"terrorist sympathizer"!!!

When I get a car, I plan to go the Jewish Community Center and continue my introductory studies of the Talmud, which I started in Boston a couple years ago. So call me a Jewish-sympathizer, as well. I would study Hebrew, but I've decided against it, because it will just confuse my Arabic, and I'll end up speaking kind of whacky and having to think too hard, like when I speak portunol.

So here's the problem. For somebody like me, who's naturally curious about other cultures and languages and has spent my whole life traveling and studying and teaching Social Studies, it's obvious that I'm going to make friends with all kinds of people. Many of these people make those majority-culture, affluent (Katy types) uncomfortable. Not that everyone from Katy is a closed-minded bigot, though I did grow up here, and do know how Many, but not All, of these people think.

I'm always defending the underdog and trying to bring the outsider in. I've done it since I was born. It's just a matter of personality. So in a way, it just makes sense that when I became an evangelical Christian at the age of 15, and rejected the atheistic ways of my upbringing, I soon after read The Autobiography of Malcolm X and decided I had to understand Islam. If I was going to go to a church that claimed that Jesus was the only way, and if I was going to bank my whole life on a personal encounter I had with Jesus, then I couldn't dismiss other people's personal encounters with God through Islam. I HAD to understand Islam better, considering it's the fastest growing religion in the world. And that's what set me off on this course. That's why I studied Arabic at Harvard when I was 18. That's why I studied Arabic with an Egyptian woman for a couple years in Boston. That's why I went to go live in the Middle East.

I'm reading See No Evil--a book by a former CIA agent, Robert Baer, who worked in Beirut and the Middle East in the 80's. (The movie, Syriana, is based on the book.) It's so enlightening. And it's very clear that I would never want to be or ever could be part of the CIA. He talks about how and why the organization has failed in its mission to collect good intelligence and didn't prevent September 11. Basically, they are in a Catch-22. If anyone is Arab or spent significant time in the Arab world, they will not pass a security clearance. I guess anyone who's spent any amount of time there would end up having friends or acquaintainces who might be, let's say, Shia from Lebanon (considering they are at least 40% of the population) and then they become "terrorist sympathizers", which is what some people call me.

So the CIA has to train people with no connection to the Arab world in Arabic and Middle Eastern culture, and what you get is very few people with a very low-level of competence. They say it takes at least 10 years for a person to get to a usefully competent level in the language. Last week's Newsweek reported that 40% of CIA employees who were supposed to be fluent in Arabic, Chinese, and Japanese failed their language tests.

In Baer's book, he talks about how he was one of two CIA operations officers working in the Middle East in the 80's who had decent Arabic and any experience in the Middle East. And even the kinds of things he does and the mistakes he makes are crazy. After two years of being in Lebanon, I knew the place better than he did. (Because he wasn't based out of there, but he'd have to go in and do stuff.) It's kind of shocking the level of incompetence.

The book and the movie make Lebanon out to be the scariest, epicenter of all terrorist evil and barbarism in the world. The movie and the book paint a picture of Lebanon that thankfully I never saw, and really wander to what extent it really exists. Maybe 2004-2006 Lebanon is not 1980's Lebanon. But what he describes is frighteningly resonant with what's going on in this war. It's the same players. Let's pray that it doesn't degenerate into the sectarian violence that happend in the 80's. Most Lebanese are too aware of this. Let's pray that people will work together to rebuild--and not destroy each other.

Like I said before, Hizbollah did win. Now the question is, will the Lebanese people all join with Hizbollah out of their hatred towards Israel and the United States who they see as having destroyed their country. Hizbollah was the only ones who successfully could defend them against such powerful aggressors. (This is how Lebanon and the Arab world perceives Hizbollah.) Or will some people, like my Druze friends, blame Hizbollah for what has happened.

The blogs are showing fear of potential civil war--Hariri and Jumblatt are calling on Hizbollah to comply with the UN and lay down its arms. This will never happen.

It seems that all the Lebanese people are helping the refugees. If they focus on rebuilding and starting over, then hopefully they can get to know each other, make friends (uh-oh more "terrorist sympathizers"--see how useless this stupid designation is) and live in peace.

"Terrorist sympathizer". . .How is the world supposed to be a better place, how can peace flourish, if we don't try to understand and even attempt to make friends with our supposed enemies?

***Notice I used HTML to underline!!!

Responding to comments


Propoganda--Israelii Soldiers
Originally uploaded by Jane Rubio.



So I want this to be a legitimate forum to talk about issues, and I very much appreciate how the readers of this blog are forcing me to figure out what I think and present it in a clear way. I am going around to different groups speaking, and I'm preparing more formal presentations for schools and churches. So it's important for me to get the input and feedback. And I really do value what you guys are telling me.

As for Norm's last post, it's kind of hard to see how this can be useful, and if I should be responding to him. I want to keep up the dialogue, but when it becomes straight-up personal attacks devoid of content, my better judgment would say to ignore it. But before he made very good points.

For example, he pointed out all the doctoring in the media. Yes, many photos were doctored. But then he said, that the claims of the destruction in Lebanon are not true. All I can say to that is that my friends are there and they tell me that their houses are destroyed.

He went on to say, "Maybe murdering someone in a public square then having a crowd cheer it then deface his dead body and take pictures of it and have a woman stand on the dead man's throat is normal in their culture? Different cultures, mannnnn, can't judge!'" Yes, you can find crazy photos everywhere. Yesterday, I got one in my inbox which I put at the top of this entry. I actually deleted it when I got it, because this kind of propoganda is useless. But I'm giving into Norm (which maybe I should just ignore--but then is that not engaging in dialogue--what do y'all think?). So I put it at the top--Israeli soldiers taking pictures over a dead Lebanese civlian. You can find this kind of junk on both sides.

I don't think that all "Israel-sympathizers" are of the George Bush, Bill O'Reilly, or Newt Gingrinch mind frame. Of course not. I shouldn't have watched that foolishness anyways.

As for defending Israel because it pamphlets people before it blows them up, there a plenty of accounts of people who were leaving and getting bombed on their way out. The Israelis did not provide them a safe passage. And after bombing the roads, many couldn't leave. And of course for those poor people and those stubborn people, they can't or won't leave, and will still get killed. Here are some numbers--159 Israelis, more than 1,000 Lebanese died in this war.

As for me calling Israel a terrorist. Someone pointed out the definition of terrorist--is a group operating independently of the state. Israel is a state and therefore can't be compelled to disarm. But Hizbollah as citizens can and should be. I think you fail to recognize the very state-ish nature of Hizbollah. It's not an official state, but it is a political organization with members in the Lebanese Parliament, and in many ways it has taken on duties that the Lebanese governmetn has failed to provide--social services and military defense. It can't disarm or disband itself unless a legitimate state (Lebanon) could take over the functions it has been taking care of. Maybe the Lebanese government can step, but most people doubt it.

And Wally's comment about "how you 'feel' trumps how you reason." Are you going to tell me Norm's posts are most "reasonable" and thought-out than my "emotional" posts??? That's an easy way and clearly non-substantiated way to dismiss someone. It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm a woman? Some people of an older school like to dismiss what young women have to say by calling them emotional? But you guys wouldn't fall into such a trap. You'll continue to use your reasoned, well-supported comments to maintain this discussion, and stay away from personal insults barren of all content, evidence, or analysis.

August 17, 2006

Why did I watch Fox last night?

I guess most of you figured out my political leanings by now. So for some weird reason, I let myself watch The O'Reilly Factor with his "consultant" (did he say?) Newt Gingrinch. He called him, "Mr. Speaker." Does one retain that title long after the fact, like Mr. President?

I'm sorry I've been out of the loop. I'm filling out job applications and making a bunch of calls trying to figure out what to do with myself. Thanks, Wally, for being so persistent to want to continue this dialogue. I am behind on e-mails and posts, so it might take a little while to catch up.

Newt talked about how biased the U.S. media is against Israel, which never mentions that 1 million Israelis fled during the war. All we see is the destruction in Lebanon.

Ummm. By the way, about a million Lebanese left their country as well. I'm trying to find real numbers. The media does show northern Israel being attacked, and has emptied, and has most of the people living in bomb shelters. Can someone fill me in on what's happening in Israel that we're not seeing?

Yes, I know that photos were doctored. I saw that, too. So that means the South and the Dahiye weren't destroyed??? Because they were and I'm talking to a friend who no longer has a house, and whose 4 little cousins died in the Bekaa.

I saw an interview with President Emile Lahoud last night also, where he said that Hizbollah is Lebanon. And that the Lebanese government and military will support them. When this broke out, July 12, the Lebanese government distanced themselves from Hizbollah, and said Hizbollah acted independently, and brought all this havoc upon Lebanon. But now with this cease-fire (and I have to say, I still don't know what the exact details of it are), the Arab world, including Lebanon, feels like they won. When I called a friend, Monday, he was like, "We won!!!!" Another friend, a Druze woman, was like, "What did we win? Destruction?" And she called him a Hizbollah-supporting ignorant.

President Lahoud said what I had been saying on this blog. The Lebanese government is Hizbollah. They cannot and will not disarm Hizbollah. So to that extent--it does look like Israel lost. But believe me, Lebanon lost too. But Hizbollah did win. And as you can see on the US media, they are a social organizaiton, giving out money to returning families. They've been running soup kitchens all over Beirut feeding people. World Vision and other international aid organziations talk about how it's difficult to run their operations, because they would have to coordinate with Hizbollah, who is the main provider of services to the displaced. But because of this useless and stupid "terrrorist" designation, they have to watch what they do. They can't work with or assist the most effective provider of social services to the refugees.

I love it when people on this blog call me a "terrorist sympathizer." As I've always said, the word "terrrorist" means nothing. It is part of this ideological battle of Axis of Evil and Islamo-Fascists, which justifies cutting off talks with Syria and Iran. Who are willing to talk and can maybe provide more stability to this whole situation. U.S. foreign policy does everything to hurt its own best interests in the region by using such polemic language and adopting such a chauvenistic attitude.

Newt Gingrich kept saying, "We lost--the U.S. and the democracies." If you buy into all this U.S. media propoganda that claims that Hizbollah is our enemy, then yes "We lost" because it's very true that Hizbollah won and is now much stronger. But this is stupid. Hizbollah is NOT our enemy. They are a social, political, and military group that defends and takes care of the disempowered and disenfranchised Shia of Lebanon. And Israel shouldn't be our friend, because that just attracts more terrorist aggression and threats toward us. The U.S. should be neutral in this conflict, and use its weight as the world hyperpower (or at least that's what it was before Iraq) to broker peace.

I've been watching some videos from the Washington Post. They're really nice. One talked about a Peace Cafe in Washington, D.C. where people were engaging in real dialogue. One Jewish-American woman was concerned about her brother who lives in northern Israel. At the end of the program, they said he got killed by a rocket when he was riding his bike around.

August 15, 2006

Responding to Norm

Norm!! So you've finally decided to introduce yourself! I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance.

So responding to what you said "how can a terrorist organization laying down its arms' not be a solution?" Yes, both sides (I don't know which you call the terrorist organization--Israel or Hizbollah, depending on who you talk to, they both fit that definition). But if both sides lay down their arms, then yes, it would be a solution.

I said that I wasn't sure if Hizbollah would lay down their arms. I haven't seen the details of the plan, so I am wondering if it would be acceptable to Hizbollah. But I did hear that Hassan Nasrallah was accepting it. All that remains to be seen.

I am happy and hopeful, as are many of my friends in Lebanon who I spoke to on the phone today.

If you like to defend Israel so much, can I call you a "terrorist sympathizer"?

Both groups are legitimate political organizaitons that provide social as well as military services to their populations, defending them against aggressors.

They are BOTH at fault in this war. And unfortunately, both sides are suffering, along with the Lebanese people caught in the middle.

I don't know why you say I am biased? If you are so concerned about innocent civilians who have been killed? Who has killed more? Israel or Hizballah? Not that it should matter. Both sides have committed atrocities.

Are you looking at the BBC, AFP, or God forbid--The Daily Star, Al Jazeera, Nahar Net, Haaretz, or anything else coming out of the Middle East?

Hire reporters to launch smear campaigns?? So you're saying that the atrocities in Lebanon aren't true?? That all those photos are doctored. That innocent people haven't died, and that they're not using illegal chemical and uranium weapons which is eroding tissue that my friends have testified to seeing?

Where are you getting your information from, Norm? And why do you feel you have to defend one side so strongly? Again, I will hold both offenders--Israel and Hizbollah--need to be held accountable. If I come off as sympathizing towards Hizbollah, it's making up for what I see is a bias and major lack of basic information that the American public isn't getting.

Hopeful

I talked to a bunch of people in Lebanon today. And they're hopeful. Not all of them. But they sounded good.

In Beirut, I could hear the cars going by, honking, the people celebrating in the streets.

Let's pray that this Ceasefire holds. Now that I'm back in Texas I only saw CNN and Fox on the TV. Of course, they didn't really mention any of the details of the ceasefire. I haven't scoured the Internet yet. If it's calling for Hizballah to lay down its arms, I don't see how that can be a permanent solution.

But inshallah, the bombs will stop.

August 11, 2006

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez

Wow! Someone from Colombia, of Lebanese descent, commented on the blog. Thanks, Bit!

This person doesn't agree with my analysis of Chavez. It's like a Bush thing, about half the country is with Chavez, the other half isn't.

When I went to Venezuela in 2004, I tried to keep an open mind in evaluating him. My family, all those people who come from money, all hate him. So I talked to other people. One man lives in government housing, 23 de enero en Caracas. I went to his place. He showed me that each building now has a clinic that is always staffed by Cuban doctors. Before, these people couldn't get access to medical care. Chavez also set up free public universitites for anyone. The rich people say that they are just Chavez-propaganda, teaching his versions of socialism and Communism. But so what? People are getting access to health care and education.

And Chavez is a very kind of, down-to-earth guy. He's personable and charismatic. When people see him on TV, they can identify with him.

I like the idea of Social Revolutions as much as the next guy. Taking power out of the entrenched, corrupt elites. And like most of Latin America (and even the US--Cheney & his gang), Venezuela was controlled by these elites. Chavez's Bolivarian Revolution has thrown them out of power. If they had passports before, many of them left.

But I'm not with Chavez, because his stick-your-finger-up to the rest of the world attitude and policies has ruined the economy and successfully driven away foreign investment. As the economy plummets, jobs are gone, crime increases. The place becomes a veritable hell for everybody. Chavez gets on TV and blames the US and the IMF and everybody else. But it's his policies that have plunged his country in the quasi-anarchy that it is in now. He should be ashamed of himself, instead of lying and puffing himself up on TV all the time.

And like I said in the last post, Chavez is looking to seize this moment as his opportunity to jump onto the world stage, to be in the limelight for 2 minutes, and get himself international press coverage, and end up in some history textbooks. He'll be interesting to watch.

How do I post things I haven't read?

Yeah, I would think that would generally be a bad idea. But considering that they were sent to me by those PhD and masters students in Beirut who I got to know at AUB and that I think on the same wave-length as these people, I decided they would be worth posting. Also, I did skim them, but I didn't really READ them.

As for Wally being a pain in the ass. . . No way. I am so much appreciating Wally. He's asking good questions, and keeping me on my toes, and really wanting to think about these things. I am so happy there are still some people reading this. And enough people with open minds to really want to learn. Wally keeps asking what I think. And as we already established, I'm not a Middle East expert. Another gracious reader pointed out that I'm just an "English teacher". Actually, I'm certified to teach Social Studies and Spanish as well as English and ESL. And that my being an "English teacher" made me especially unqualified to voice any opinions about these matters.

I lived there for two years and did study some things as an undergrad. I worked at the Center for Middle Eastern Studies at Harvard for a while and read some more things and talked to a lot of experts. That's pretty much all my qualifications. And I can say that a woman who works at AUB said my Arabic was better than most of the students she works with--which I thought was pretty crazy, since my Arabic is pretty bad. So that's it. Those are my qualifications. (I decided to apply to doctoral programs, by the way.)

As for my opinion of Hizbollah, that Wally keeps asking me for, I feel like I've already said it a million times. More than a religious group, they are a resistance group. Started in 1982 to fight Israeli occupation and the illegal Khiam prison, and they succeeded in kicking out the Israelis in 2000. In that first article in my website, it talks about how they are a political party with Members of Parliament and they provide important social services that the government has not provided to this traditionally disenfranchised population.

I've said before--Israel has a right to defend herself, and so does Lebanon. And that's what Hizbollah did. The weak, post-Civil War Lebanese government and military couldn't fight Israel. So they never complied with U.N. Resolution 1559 calling for all militias in Lebanon to disarm. Of course, the Lebanese government has allowed Hizbollah to continue and to run Southern Lebanon as if it were its own little mini-state within a state.

The word "terrorist" is useless. It obscures everything. I can call both sides of this war terrorists. And as Chavez likes to say, Bush is the ultimate "terrorista del mundo."

But thanks for all those people posting comments and asking questions. Believe me--this is what encourages me the most. Going to protests and seeing the people there just makes me want to cry. They care about stuff that they don't have to care about. My friends are stuck on mountains just waiting -- for what? a worse bomb, more disasters. The world is letting it all happen. They feel abandoned. So just having anyone care is encouraging. Believe me--when I tell my friends that I talked to some people, or that there are people reading my blog, they are so encouraged. It feels like this kind of support is just as important as money. Keeping some hope alive is absolutely critical right now.

So, thank you Wally, for caring. It gives me some hope and encouragement. And my friends need that from me when I call them.

August 10, 2006

The Venezuelan-Lebanese Connection

As some of you know, my dad's Venezuelan. When I was going through Syria on my way home, the officials kept asking me, "A3sl Lubnane aw a3sl Amerikeye?" (Are you of Lebanese or American origin?) And I would say, "A3sl Venezueleye." And they were very cool with that response.

I make like I'm Venezuelan a lot, especially in situations where I don't want to let on that I'm an American. Sometimes I'll do the Canada thing. But I don't know anything about Canada, so that makes me feel dumb.

In the Frankfurt airport, there was a woman from the Bekaa going back to Venezuela.

How awful--to go from a warzone to the unliveable hell that Venezuela has become since Hugo Chavez has been president.

In fact, many of the Venezuelan-Lebanese I know moved back to Lebanon only recently because the situation had gotten so bad in Venezuela.

And the situation there is disgusting. I went the summer of 2004, before I was supposed to start my job in Lebanon. I went to research my family history and to get a passport. I wanted to travel to Israel and other places and figured the Venezuelan passport would be nice.

No, I was not successful in getting a passport. Though my grandma's sister amazingly navigated us through a throng of people banging at the doors of the government agency, demanding passports. Somehow she convinced the armed soldier to let us in the building. And even though there were signs posted everywhere. "The governnment is not issuing passports. Don't ask for a passport." my great-aunt was determined. We sneakily went up some back stairs, looking for her friend. I actually thought we'd get somewhere. (How stupid--I'm not even Venezuelan, and the Venezuelans can't get passports.) But it didn't work anyhow.

Venezuelans want to leave the country. And the government isn't issuing passports. For those people, who voted in the referendum to sack Chavez (about 50% of the country), their names appear on a list. Not only do they not get passports, but it impedes them getting jobs.

In 2004, Venezuela had become a nightmare. Ever since I started visiting Venezuela in the early 90's, people were always freaked out about their safety. There were always plenty of stories of getting mugged and murdered and attacked in your home. But in 2004, people were staying at home at night. Everyone knows someone who's been a victim of a relampago (lightning in Spanish), where they come up to your car with a gun, make you drive around to different ATM's taking out your money, and then leave you abandoned by the side of some highway, while they take off with your car. And that's the best-case scenario.

When I was there, my family kept telling me, "Don't go to Sabana Grande. Don't go to Sabana Grande." But then it was the day before I had to leave, and I needed some cheap, pirated music, so I went to Sabana Grande. So I'm standing there talking to the guy, and I hear a shot ring out. I look to my left, and all these people are running straight at me. A herd of people, running. I look over to the guy I was talking to--he's gone. Next I know, I'm crouching under the table, with him, and all the other people. And before you can say, "Jackflash." Everyone's back to business. Like nothing happened.

My dad laughed when I told him that story.

I was so disgusted the last time I went, I said I wouldn't go back. Not just because of the security stuff, but because my family is also jerks.

Why was it so bad? Chavez stopped the production of oil for two months, about a year and a half before that, because he said that those rich executives are a cartel that's impeding his populist/socialist agenda for the improvement of the Boliviarian Republic of Venezuela (He renamed the country.) The economy had never recovered. All the unemployment led to crime.

(I can't stop thinking about this when I think of Lebanon. What's going to happen now that the economy is killed and it's going to take so long to rebuild?)

And Chavez is slightly maniacal. Besides getting up on TV and constantly calling Bush the "terrrorista del mundo" and an idiot, donkey, and every other kind of insult, he goes to Iran to meet with Ahmadinejad the second day of the war.

And now how many Lebanese refugees will end up in his country--many of whom are Shia and now with the continued destruction of Lebanon--much more likely to be Hizbullah supporters.

And now with that corroded Alaska pipeline, the U.S. is looking for oil. And Chavez will stick up his finger in W's face.

And Chavez's "primo-herman" Castro is about to drop dead. (Wow. My family members have been waiting for this day for a long time.)

I think Chavez and Venezuela are going to be players in this World War that's someone's trying to create that will eventually involve Iran.

A friend in Beirut is so optimistic. He thinks the fighting will be over soon. And then they'll be able to start cleaning up the beach, which he said was, "disgusting," but he didn't really dwell on it. . . . like everything, the situation is too depressing.

My Computer Broke

And I'm traveling in New York.

Which means I don't have Internet access like I used to. And I can't update my website right now. This is annoying because many people have sent me good things to update it with. But I'm going to have to wait til I get back to Houston on Sunday.

Wally has been asking me about Hizbollah. Go to the website HowToHelpLebanon.net. Choose "Articles." There are two there about Hizbollah. Honestly, I haven't even read them yet. I have a million things to read and haven't gotten around to it.

August 8, 2006

What Lebanese think of Israel

On CNN, it was showing that maybe Israel would accept this idea of 15,000 Lebanese troops in southen Lebanon. But the Israeli Foreign Minister was saying that they don't know if they can really trust the Lebanese army. Well, they're big liars--becasue they have absolutely No Intention of accepting this as a solution. And they shouldn't. The Lebanese army might as well equal Hizbollah.

On CNN yesterday, I saw the Israeli Foreign Minister (or maybe rep to UN) say that this is not a war against Lebanon, and that the Lebanese people have nothing against Israel, that they're just against Hizboallah. And that Israel has No Intention of occupying Lebanon. And has No Intention of taking a drop of their water.

Yeah, right!

What a big fat liar!

From the moment, I stepped foot in Lebanon, the hatred (and I can't put it any milder) towards Israel was very, very open.

When Rafik Hariri was killed, we heard the bomb up in the mountain. It was lunch break and I asked my students, "What was that?"

"Oh, those are Israeli planes. They just fly low and make sound booms."

"Why do that do that?"

"Because they can. Because they want to be jerks and intimidate us."

Believe me. Lebanese people hate Israel. That's been the case since long before Isreael completely destroyed their country and set them more than 50 years back. It's a national holiday celebrating the end of Israeli occupation in 2000. When the country was glued to their TV sets, watching the liberation of the illegal Israeli-run prison, Khiam, in southern Lebanon.

I know many Lebanese Christians who have had to figure out how to make peace with the fact that Jesus was a Jew. This is a major philosophpical problem for many people.

This same person, I think Wally, keeps asking for my opinion about a solution. I still don't see one. It's going to be hell. And I wish all my friends could get out.

The UN draft resolution

The Arab League is coming to New York. I'll try to go by the UN building tomorrow. I'm not NYC now.

They're not accepting the UN draft resolution, and all thse Americans are going to say the same thing that they say about the Palestinians and Yassar Arafat. That the world tries to make peace deals, but these Arabs are too primitive or too proud to accept them.

The UN Draft Resolution is BULLSHIT!

Of course, you don't hear these details on CNN. But I got them from BBC.

Israel can keep troops in Lebanon. Israel has to stop "offensive" fire, but can do whatever it wants to defend itself. Lebanon has to give back all the prisoners. Lebanon, however, does not have the right to defend itself. And they will discuss "options" for returning Lebanese prisoners.

And the whole world was always criticizing Yassar Arafat for not accepting these kinds of BS peace plans.

Believe me. You wouldn't accept it. No one would.

So what kind of stupid deals are the UN going to propose--that only favor Israel.

I thought CNN was getting better with their coverage, at least showing bad stuff in Lebanon. Although the bombs and victims in Israel always come first. But then they got one of their guys to spend 48 hours with Israeli troops, and while the viewer is "in the trenches" with this guy, Hizbollah becomes this even scarier enemy. Those scary, sneaky terrorists. The "other."

Please. Both sides are disgusting. All the people making war are bad. So why is it okay to demonize one side? They are both legitimately defending themselves.

We're hopeless

I just talked to some friends, and I talked to others two days ago.

It's so bad.

One of my friends started crying.

"More than anything this is a mental war." The bombing is constant. Many people don't sleep at night. I only had to listen to those bombs for 9 days. Watching CNN I could hear the bombs in the background. That's what it was like.

And here I am, in a casino in Atlantic City. This survivor's guilt thing is really weird. I feel like it's a paler version of what I was feeling when my friend died. Like there's a blanket between me and the world. Actually, there are some people who I feel okay with. Maybe they were reading my blog. Or maybe they're from Lebanon. It's like those people get me--what I'm thinking about, where I mentally am. But all those other people walking around like normal; it's like I'm not even really interacting with them. I feel guilty every time I'm not thinking about it, or on the computer doing some work, or on the phone with my Lebanese friends or other people trying to do something to make something happen.

How ridiculous to be talking on the phone on the casino floor with those annoying dingy noises from the slot machines talking to people who feell like they're in prison. They can't move; no petrol.

But today two of my friends seemed hopeful--with this moving 15,000 Lebanese troops to South Lebanon. Maybe there's an end in sight.

But these solutions are crap, and aren't going to work.

August 4, 2006

The Solution?

One very persistent blog-reader has been asking me again and again, in a very sincere fashion, what I think is the solution to this crisis.

Honestly. I'm at a place where I don't see one.

I would really, really like to believe that there will be a cease-fire and de-escalation on both sides. And that this international peacekeeping force (which will really be some private company hired out of Virginia or England or South Africa) will be able to keep Hizballah rockets from firing into Israel and keep Israeli soldiers out of Lebanon. Even though, as I said before, UNIFIL (United Nations Interim Forces in Lebanon) has been there since 2000.

But it doesn't look likely. These leaders need to save face now. As long as there's pride and elections and legitimate self-defense involved, neither side will back down.

Maybe I'm moving back into paranoia, but I think they'll be serious, scary weapons now--biological, chemical, nuclear. I pray that it doesn't happen.

But now I wish I could get every single one of my friends out of there.

I was disgusted by the idea of the evacuation before. Thinking that if those foreigners who the world seemed to care about were still there that would stop Israel from completely decimating the country. Now, it's clear. The US isn't going to do anything. I think it's going to be disgusting.

Now that I'm here in the U.S. I see that most people don't even know what Lebanon is. They don't care. Of course, I'm at the center of my own world, and the people I know who read this blog are there with me.

But really if say something really, really bad happened there, it will go in the history books, another Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And that will be that.

I wish they could all just leave.

They bombed north of Jounnieh today. That's a Christian area. A friend in Beirut left because now Beirut isn't safe. But she knows--no where is safe. That bombing cut off the northern exit route to Syria. There is no getting out. And there's a petrol crisis.

So now the foreigners are out. The escape routes are all down.

Now what's going to happen??

I can't think about this.

E-mails from an Israeli-American Classmate

I was so moved by this e-mail correspondence. Her honesty and humility and purity of heart struck me. I don't even know her, but she has really helped restore my faith in humanity. And given me some hope in what more and more seems like a hopeless situation.

She gave me permission to post these on the blog. (I didn't post my side of the conversation.)
-------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jane,

I don't think we really knew each other at Harvard, though maybe. I've been reading your blog, at times getting very angry and frustrated, at others just riveted. I've been tempted to write or post a comment, but was scared how I'd sound. As a part Israeli, I didn't like how you portray my nation and at times your inability to see the other side's point of view. But I just read your latest post ("Explaining my Paranoia," or something like that), and feel compelled to write. You probably get 100s of these emails daily anyway.

But really, I just wanted to say that I'm sad you're now feeling (or sound like you're feeling) sad and remorseful about leaving. You're being too hard on yourself. And at the same time, it's also very heartening to see you be more reflective like this - I think it means you've had some time to rest and process some of those raging thoughts and emotions you'd been experiencing.

I grew up right across the border. I still remember going to bomb shelters and seeing tanks in '82 going up the road by my village towards Lebanon. I still remember my relatives from Haifa thinking how remote and unsafe our village was - just 7km away from Kiryat Shemoneh. And I still remember at times enjoying the bomb shelter as a kid - there were toys and games to play, and as a kid who doesn't fully understand the danger, it's just those middle-of-the-night waking up to sirens (or not) and explosions off in the distance and being carried by your parents down to the bomb shelter that somehow had an impact, that remains memorable, even though whatever terror was felt (I honestly don't remember exactly) is long gone.

I don't know why I'm writing you this. My relatives this time are saying it's way worse than it ever was in the late 70s and 80s. I grew up feeling like soldiers were heros, they defended a country that was perpetually in danger. I also grew up hearing how awful the Lebanon occupation and the West Bank and Gaza occupations were. My parents and other relatives were against it. I still remember my grandmother's neighbor, whose daughter, who had newly given birth, had just lost her husband to a mine or something in Lebanon. I still remember the pall of sadness and grief surrounding his deaf. And others'. And perhaps for this reason it hurts so much to be reading about the deaths on both sides of the border. I feel terrible every time an Isareli dies. And feel almost worse when the Lebanese and Palestinians die. Because there are so many of them. And their conditions are worse than ours. And each side fails to see the other's point of view, the other's grief and terror and feeling of violation and injustice. And that doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

We used to have exchanges with an Arab village, so that we'd see how they live, and they us. My uncle organized it. A few years ago, I went back to Israel and my uncle took me to the Golan Heights, which had always been overlooking my village in the valley below it. We drove to near the border and I looked across and it looked so beautiful and peaceful. With a yellow Hizbollah flag waving in the wind. And orchards just like ours, and fields and hills. And it struck me how strange it was that I had had no image of Lebanon or Syria or any of the Arab countries before. I only imagined darkness, smoke, danger, people wanting my people's death, in a way.

It's easy to be distanced from it all and to criticize Israel from afar, sitting in the safety of the US. It's easy to forget the feeling of siege and as if your side is only right, or mostly right. Because all you see is television and radio coverage in your own language, of the suffering of your people. It's easy to forget the other side. It's easy to believe exaggerations and rumors floating about. It's easy. And yet, I know not all Israelis are myopic like that. I mean those who are living with those bombs.

And I like to think that not all Lebanese or Palestinians are myopic. That there are those who see a brighter future, of peace and acceptance. Maybe I'm too naive. I don't feel hopeful at all right now. But I know for years and years and years, people in my village were against all the occupations except the Golan - they had felt those Syrian tanks advancing, rockets firing, villages burning to the ground. They didn't want to experience it again. Instead, Israeli troops were now doing likewise in Lebanon. And night-time raids in the Palestinian camps. And they had had enough. They wanted out. Maybe not for all the right reasons always. Maybe even just so that state could fight state, army against army. Or just stand off. Like with Egypt.

It's not that they felt love for Arabs. Maybe that's asking too much. Maybe that's premature. Maybe that's what can develop at a distance, in Europe or the US, where Arabs and Israelis can dialogue. In 2002, at the height of suicide bombings and Intifadah, I was part of a local dialogue group. The most radical members were not those who had experienced these shootings, who had lived through what you recently lived through; no: it was the Saudi girls, who had lived in opulence, whose border hadn't been assaulted.

It's strange how these things go. It's strange to see different individuals' psyches, or whatever it is, reacting. I was offended by some of your words. I'm not used to superlatives and what at times have felt like exaggerations. I'm not accusing you of anything. but I was sympathizing with whoever called you histrionic or over-dramatic. and then you responded that's that who you are. and maybe that's fine. I'm just not like that, and not used to it, and don't like things in black and white. But I understand. Or think I do. Or hope I do.

Anyway, I haven't read the post since yesterday, not having had internet, so I'm not sure what you were responding to - I just read that latest explanation about your paranoia, and it moved me enough to write, and not be afraid that I might say something I didn't mean or that would come across the wrong way; maybe I'm a coward that way. I don't know. I don't think I'm ready to share this with the blog as a whole. I don't know if you'd even want to. Maybe I'm just as self-absorbed, as you've been accused. I didn't know what I would write as I started, other than that I suddenly felt like you'd changed somehow, and were suddenly too hard on yourself. And I wanted somehow to respond.

I hope you'll get to go back to Lebanon someday in the not too distant future, and help in the effort to make peace and rebuild it. And I hope you'll remember there are many Israelis and others who care deeply. And who don't want to see carnage, violence, hatred. It rips my heart every day. It makes me sad. As I'm sure it does you. And those living there, who can't, or who don't want to, leave.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hi Jane,

Well, my message seems trite now, given everything else that's happened since. honestly, every day makes me more depressed about the situation. it is, like you said, not about who's right exactly. everybody is right, and everybody is wrong. death is wrong. carnage is wrong. tit-for-tat is wrong. it doesn't solve anything. i think many people know that, yet they don't see a way out. so they do their knee-jerk responses, as I suppose we do sometimes too. they don't know how to end it. and so the cycle continues. until when? for how long? till how many more die? well, i'll stop asking. it's
pointless.

if you want to post what i wrote you the other day, that's fine. and truly, i wish you good luck in whatever you do. and i hope you don't hate israel. i think many of them feel just as trapped and saddened by it all. not that it's an excuse. it doesn't justify. it's just that somehow these sides need to come to see each other as humans who are capable of co-existing. i felt like we'd come close to it, almost, early in the 90s. and then it all started disintegrating. maybe even back then i was disillusioned. but that's how it had felt. there is still that naivete in me, that wants to believe. but i don't know.

i'm not completely sure whether we knew each other or not. i suppose fate has its strange ways for getting people to cross paths, one way or another ...i'll keep reading the blog. and somehow, i'm sure we'll cross paths again.
----------------------------------------------------------
Hi Jane,

. . .trite, because there are so many people feeling scared and sad and all the rest, and much worse. reflections about emotions felt 25 years ago. what is that? there are the raw pains right now, and who am I to talk? I guess that's why I feel like my words are all so trite, albeit heart-felt.

Israeli public opinion is by no means united. there are voices there I shudder to hear, others that I applaud. the same as here, i suppose. and probably in lebanon. and likewise with soldiers. they are also boys and men, you know. my cousin is one of them. a few weeks ago, he was telling me he's glad that while obliged to shoot in gaza, they didn't hit any false targets. those are not his exact words. I can't remember what the exact words were. but the meaning was clear. he didn't want civilian blood sitting on his conscience. but i think even militants' blood did not sit comfortably with him.

and there are others, he admitted, who are much worse. others from central israel, who have witnessed too many suicide bombings, or the victims thereof, and feel no qualms about 'revenge.' an eye for an eye, it seems, or worse, is the operative logic, a possibly lurid sense of justice. I won't misrepresent it: there are israelis who don't mind seeing arabs die; and likely vice versa; but there are many others whom it pains gravely.

and where does it all lead? it's a stupid question. more death, violence, broken hearts and bodies, sour, bitter blood. i wish i knew a way out of the morass. i wish humans knew. it's just that there is no simple solution. it's not exactly about "if only we stopped," "if only they stopped." there are always instigators. it's always easy to instigate and escalate. the question is how to stop, and maintain peace, and build a peace and a trust. i wish that we humans had an answer. tragically, i don't think there is one. but maybe i'm too pessimistic. if only ...

so you're right, it has a lot to do with misinformation and skewed views. and unfortunately, i'm not sure views can be changed, because often we (humans) think with our hearts and guts and it's not about rational reasoning in the way the so-called west likes to describe it: it can also be about raw nerves feeling and reacting, or being ideologically convinced of the rightness of their side (whatever that may be), and losing sight of the fact that facing them are other humans who are just as or more right or in pain or what have you. but i'm preaching to the choir here, so what's the use?

wishing you best of luck, success and blessings,

Environmental Disaster


Lebanese Coastline
Originally uploaded by Jane Rubio.


Dear all,

The oil spill working group has been meeting almost daily this week to discuss and work on the urgent catastrophe that has hit the Eastern Mediterranean.

The oil spill which has resulted from the Israeli attack on the Jiyeh
power plant South of Lebanon has tremendously impacted our marine environment, and up till now no clean up operation has started, making this catastrophe the worst environmental disaster in the history of the country.

GreenLine was the first NGO that lead the work on this issue. We have been carrying assessment of the damage along the coast, and giving feedback to the media. We are also doing research and preparing for the cleanup operations.

We have produced a map of the impacted areas along the coast, and we are updating it constantly. We have lots of work that we are trying to distribute among ourselves, but we will need all the help we can get.

If anyone would like more information, please, contact the GreenLine office, and ask for someone from the oil spill working group.

Hope you all are well and safe,

"Oil Spill Working Group"
greenline@greenline.org.lb

Starting a non-profit--Partnering Organizations in Lebanon with Organizations in U.S.

I've had the idea for a while about setting up partnerships between corporations, schools, religious organizations in the U.S. with corresponding organizations in developing countries.

Now, I'm working on starting up the non-profit--focusing on Lebanon (and hopefully with Israel, too.)

I just got off the phone with Maya. She's out of Beirut and went to her mountain village, becasue she heard they were going to attack Beirut. And they did, this morning, north of Jounieh.

She already works with small, local NGO's who are doing stuff in their communities. I said these are the people that I can help. Have them write up what they're doing, send me some pictures, make sure it's all legit, and then from this end, I can find some organization who will be their partner.

If any of you have any ideas or any experience with non-profits (yeah, I'm not excited about all the beurocaratic BS that will be involved), please e-mail me, janerubio@yahoo.com.

Just got off the phone with Olfat--Nuclear/Chemical Weapons?

Olfat runs the Women's Humanitarian Organizaiton in a Palestinian Refugee Camp in Bourj al Bourajne in the Dahiye, southern suburbs of Beirut. I was going to volunteer with her for these next six months. (But I backed out when I saw what Israel was doing in Gaza.) To donate to her organization, go to Donations at HowToHelpLebanon.net.

Her camp is located at Harat al Hreik, which is all completely destroyed. She says when she drives there, hers is the only car in the streets. She didn't sleep all night; they were bombing the whole time.

Somehow the camp has not been destroyed. Everything around it has. So they have 150 refugee families, which is amazing when you know how absolutely crowded the place was before.

There is a petrol crisis. She had to go to three places yesterday before she found a place to fill her car, and then she had to wait for a long time. She says it's like they are 50 years back. No petrol, no water. All the destruction. It seems so hopeless.

There was an 8-year old boy who came from the South two days. Three of his friends died while they were playing outside. He got hit with some shrapnel. He said his mouth hurt him, and he couldn't stand to eat. When they finally saw the doctor (of course, the hospitals are too crowded), they observed that the tissue was decaying.

Olfat talks to a doctor regularly in Saida, and he's saying that these are chemical and uranium weapons. It's like you can't see the wounds from the outside, but in the inside you see the tissue decaying. Of course, these kinds of weapons are illegal.

She says the stress on the kids is overwhelming. You have 9 and 10 year olds wetting their bed.

I know it's encouraging when I call her, and just telling her that I'm writing this up. For people stuck there, they feel like the world has forgotten them. I try to encourage her and tell her that we're speaking and we're getting the word out and we're organizing and protesting. I have to. Even if it doesn't do anything, my friends there have to know that they aren't forgotten, and that people care.

HowToHelpLebanon.net

What am I doing? Sitting on my butt. . .ignoring the blog. . .

NO. I'm in New York, talking to people, and working on a website to help all the advocacy efforts.

HowToHelpLebanon.net

Please spread it far and wide. And please, please offer me feedback and content to add. (E-mail me personally--janerubio@yahoo.com, don't post comments on the blog about that.)

As you might know, I'm not a professional web site person. I just got a new mac and am using iWeb. So any feedback in terms of design and set-up will also be welcome.

E-mail from friend in Beirut

Dear Jane,

Hope u r well. I cry a lot this is something maybe that help couldn't sleep
all night today was Ouzai and Dahia more than 26 times than the
aeroplanes attcaks these places and same for Bekka the voice of aeroplanes
horrible even they they do not bombard, besides this morning almost at 6:15 they
distry a Bridge in Jounieh can you beleive that, bridge in Christian
areas where even there is no civilian Muslims.
I made a big car accident was my fault same day Qana massacre it will
cost about 1500$.

August 2, 2006

Fear & Hezbollah: Responding to Comments

This is part of a comment someone posted to this blog:

"But speaking from experience, I have found that fear can also act as a justification for our anger and irrationality, which gives us an incentive to cultivate it."

This is beautifully stated. This person is claiming my fear and irrationality is a response to and a stoke for my hatred of Israel.

I wholeheartedly agree that fear is a bad, bad thing, and leads to all kinds of evils, not just anger and irrationality, but hate and violence. I know I come off very much on the Lebanese side of this war (of course, because I was in Lebanon.) But I do think Hezbollah is just as disgusting as Israel. Of course, no one should be subjected to random bombings, especially with "shrapnel" in the bombs. And being a guerrilla militia, they hide their bombs in civilian houses. So of course, Israel has no choice but to kill civilians in order to go after their enemy. (And as a side note, many of these victims are Arab Palestinian--but of course, if doesn't matter who is the victim--no one should have to suffer like this.)

But, yes, I do defend Hizbollah. I say that they were created in 1982 as a response to the illegal Israeli occupation of southern Lebanon. Which many say was to control water. (When you go to the Jordan river, you can see where the water used to be. It's very low now because the Israelis have diverted the river for themselves, and they make sure that the Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza don't get any, but that the settlers do.)

In that 18 years of Israeli occupation, the Israelis set up a prison where they would throw in anyone suspected of being Hibollah or connected with Hizballah-- without trial. So basically anybody could be thrown in. I went there last year, and I saw the medieval torture devices they were using in the year 2000. The Lebanese government/military couldn't rid themselves of the Israeli occupiers. Obviously, the US or the World wouldn't do anything.

So who succeeded in kicking them out?

Hizbollah. A little militia succeeded in kicking out one of the most powerful armies in the world. It is a national holiday in Lebanon--Liberation Day. That day in the year 2000, Lebanon was glued to their televisions as they saw these prisoners being liberated.

How can I defend murderers like Hizbollah??
Only because the world and the American media continues to defend murderers like Israel.

I will say they are both murderers. They are both committing evil acts. And they are both doing it to defend themselves.

Don't be a hypocrite, by calling me a hypocrite. Do I not have any Jewish friends? Please? Don't you know I went to Harvard? I've been to Hillel. I've even been to Shabat dinners in people's houses (as a Christian observer).

I have nothing against anyone. And believe I have a special respect and love for people who are truly seeking God, of any religion. There was a rabbi teaching at Harvard Hillel who was a wonderful spiritual advisor for me.

I know I come off as pro-Hezbollah, but I only do it as a response to a media that disgusts me and intelligent people I know who are still uncritical of the brainwashing they've received by the American media--Hizballah are terrorists, Israel is just defending itself, blah, blah.

And as for this simple solution in the last comment--Come on Jane, don't you see it's so simple, just have Hizballah back down and then it'll all stop.

I really wish they would.

But it's not that simple.

They won't back down. They aren't a little militia anymore. Unfortunatly, they have lots of weapons. They have secret, scary weapons, coming from Iran. Israel knows this. Israel knows how bad a land invasion will be, because they will probably lose.

Unfortunatly, I don't see a military/political solution to this situation.

Only God can step it. A moral leader of the likes of the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who will look past national pride and say that physical force should only be countered by soul force.

As long as there are elections involved and leaders having to maintain their pride, the people of Israel and Lebanon will continue to suffer.

August 1, 2006

They're out of fuel

People aren't really moving now. Just by foot. That means the electricity they get from running the generator will be out soon also. My friend went to buy the gas to use for the stove and the man wouldn't sell her any. Another friend waited for an hour and a half the other day to fill her car.

"It's like we're in prison."

My friend who always said she loved Lebanon and would never think of living in another country now wants to leave.

"There's no future here."