I'm crying

I'm sure it 's a combination of everything. I slept about 3 1/2 hours last night, and about 3 1/2 hours the night before. And I think I'm scared now, though I don't want to admit it. (I shouldn't be writing this. My poor mom is going to start getting hives and panic attacks now. Call her and make her feel better.)

I called Iman this morning. She's 40 something, and lived in Beirut during the whole civil war. "Never in my life have I ever seen anything like this. My aunts are in their 90's, never have they seen anything like this."

Iman has actually been driving around. She spent the night in Aley a couple of nights ago, and tried to get to her house in the Chouf mountain yesterday.

But she couldn't. The army guys told her to go back; there are no roads.

She said the normal road to the Chouf from Beirut through Dammour is destroyed. I knew that. But she said the road from Aley is closed too. I was thinking last night, maybe I'd go to my friend's place and hide out there if things got unsafe for me. Iman said there's another road. Of course there are.

She's in Beirut now. And she's not leaving. No one is driving around. The streets in Beirut are empty. The shops have all been closed in Beirut for the past couple days. She said to be careful. People are scared to drive because they think the Israelis will just shoot. There are stories of Israelis telling people to evacuate and killing them in their cars.

And even for me to get to Beirut, the normal bus route from Aley to Beirut goes through the Dahiye. Iman was telling me the route I need to take, but I wasn't really paying attention, because I was just crying. It's like all that stuff I read about the Lebanese Civil War, like you had to know the routes and secret ways to get places. This is how people have been talking. Good thing I do have a sense of the geography now. And I know people all over the country who'll take me in. But now I need to get my contacts in Syria, Cyprus, Turkey, just to be ready.

Iman says this makes no sense. She's a Druze person, who's blaming Israel. She said Nasrallah wanted to trade prisoners. Who would have thought Israel would retaliate like this?? It's so unbelieve to everyone. All the ports. All the bridges. The whole country--not just Hizbollah-land. They're not going after Hizbollah. They're destroying Lebanon. It makes no sense.

The State Dept. is working on an evacuation plan. They say. France, Spain, the Gulf countries have gotten their people out. But now, it's going to be REALLY hard to do anything. They're making it so we can't move. . . Why??

So if the U.S. really cares about this, which of course it doesn't, then maybe they should make Israel stop. Stop giving them all the money for all those bombs they used to destroy Lebanon. If the U.S. stepped up and made Israel back down, it would go very far in protecting itself from terrorism. Aren't there international laws? We're criticizing barbaric regimes that commit human rights abuses, like Saddam's Iraq or China, but who's the rogue state here? And they get the full backing of the United States.

There's a complete irony here. Supporting Israel goes completely against the interest of the U.S. Why does the U.S. continue with a foreign policy that goes directly against its interests? Some say the Jewish lobby. Check out this interesting article from the London Review of Books. It's way long, but chock-full of good info. www.lrb.co.uk/v28/n06/mear01_.html.

So why don't you go protest in front of the Israeli embassy, like they're doing in L.A? Or better yet write your Senator and Representative and tell them they need to stop supporting Israel, who wantonly kills innocent civilians, whether they're in their official borders or not.

You should also check out www.lebanesebloggers.blogspot.com. It's more news-y.