This Lebanese friend was in Abu Dhabi before the war started. And for now, she's stuck there.
Here's an excerpt from her last e-mail:
"Another thing imagine how complicated the Lebanese' life is. My Italian friend called and wants to send for me to come to Italy and stay with him till the crisis is over,and guess what I was denied the visa....."
Maybe I can have her come stay with me?? But I don't know where I'm going to be for the time being. I think she might already have a US visa. I'm not sure.
July 29, 2006
A very depressing article by an Israeli
Is Beirut Burning?
by Uri Avnery (former Knesset member, journalist and peace activist)
July 27, 2006, Tel Aviv
For the full article, go to
Some excerpts:
Years of the occupation regime in the Palestinian territories have caused a terrible callousness as far as human lives are concerned. The
killing of ten to twenty Palestinians every day, including women and
children, as happens now in Gaza, does not agitate anyone. It doesn't
even make the headlines. Gradually, even routine expressions like "We
regret…we had no intention…the most moral army in the world…" and all the other trite phrases are not heard anymore.
. . .
Even the launching of rockets at our towns and villages does notjustify this ignoring of moral considerations in fighting the war. There were other ways of responding to the Hizbullah provocation,
without turning Lebanon into rubble. The moral numbness will be
transformed into grievous political damage, both immediate and long
term. Only a fool or worse ignores moral values - in the end, they
always take revenge.
IT IS almost banal to say that it is easier to start a war than to
finish it. One knows how it starts, it is impossible to know how it
will end.
. . .
All this time, the United States has been using all its might in order
to prevent the cessation of hostilities. All signs indicate that it is
pushing Israel towards a war with Syria - a country that has ballistic
missiles with chemical and biological warheads.
Only one thing is already certain on the 11th day of the war: Nothing
good will come of it. Whatever happens - Hizbullah will emerge
strengthened. If there had been hopes in the past that Lebanon would
slowly become a normal country, where Hizbullah would be deprived of a pretext for maintaining a military force of its own, we have now provided the organization with the perfect justification: Israel is
destroying Lebanon, only Hizbullah is fighting to defend the country.
As for deterrence: a war in which our huge military machine cannot
overcome a small guerilla organization in 11 days of total war
certainly has not rehabilitated its deterrent power. In this respect,
it is not important how long this war will last and what will be its
results - the fact that a few thousand fighters have withstood the
Israeli army for 11 days and more, has already been imprinted in the
consciousness of hundred of millions of Arabs and Muslims.
From this war nothing good will come - not for Israel, not for Lebanon
and not for Palestine. The "New Middle East" that will be its result
will be a worse place to live in.
by Uri Avnery (former Knesset member, journalist and peace activist)
July 27, 2006, Tel Aviv
For the full article, go to
Some excerpts:
Years of the occupation regime in the Palestinian territories have caused a terrible callousness as far as human lives are concerned. The
killing of ten to twenty Palestinians every day, including women and
children, as happens now in Gaza, does not agitate anyone. It doesn't
even make the headlines. Gradually, even routine expressions like "We
regret…we had no intention…the most moral army in the world…" and all the other trite phrases are not heard anymore.
. . .
Even the launching of rockets at our towns and villages does notjustify this ignoring of moral considerations in fighting the war. There were other ways of responding to the Hizbullah provocation,
without turning Lebanon into rubble. The moral numbness will be
transformed into grievous political damage, both immediate and long
term. Only a fool or worse ignores moral values - in the end, they
always take revenge.
IT IS almost banal to say that it is easier to start a war than to
finish it. One knows how it starts, it is impossible to know how it
will end.
. . .
All this time, the United States has been using all its might in order
to prevent the cessation of hostilities. All signs indicate that it is
pushing Israel towards a war with Syria - a country that has ballistic
missiles with chemical and biological warheads.
Only one thing is already certain on the 11th day of the war: Nothing
good will come of it. Whatever happens - Hizbullah will emerge
strengthened. If there had been hopes in the past that Lebanon would
slowly become a normal country, where Hizbullah would be deprived of a pretext for maintaining a military force of its own, we have now provided the organization with the perfect justification: Israel is
destroying Lebanon, only Hizbullah is fighting to defend the country.
As for deterrence: a war in which our huge military machine cannot
overcome a small guerilla organization in 11 days of total war
certainly has not rehabilitated its deterrent power. In this respect,
it is not important how long this war will last and what will be its
results - the fact that a few thousand fighters have withstood the
Israeli army for 11 days and more, has already been imprinted in the
consciousness of hundred of millions of Arabs and Muslims.
From this war nothing good will come - not for Israel, not for Lebanon
and not for Palestine. The "New Middle East" that will be its result
will be a worse place to live in.
Demonstration in Boston on Sunday from 1-5
There will be a Ceasefire Now Demonstration in front of the State House.
July 28, 2006
Field Trip to Baalbaak
Field Trip to Baalbaak
Originally uploaded by Jane Rubio.
I led a very unorganized field trip to Baalbaak in May. It was crazy--5th and 6th graders instantly spread like cockroaches amongst the ruins, jumping off the ancient rocks. It's amazing no one got hurt. Just getting them to gather for this picture almost made a blood vessel explode in my head.
They've been bombing Baalbaak a lot. I heard rumors they got some of the Roman temples.
There were still so many things I hadn't seen yet in Lebanon--Tyre, the old souk in Saida, Sid Qaraoun, the wineries in the Bekaa.
Explaining My Paranoia-Part Deux
AUB Computer Lab
Originally uploaded by Jane Rubio.
Can I say how very much I appreciate how forgiving and understanding you all have been with me? Really trying to help me understand why I went crazy (even though no one else around me lost their mind the way I did.)
But I can't get this out of my head. Why did I snap? I have to understand why. It plays into one of my biggest fears about myself--that I will one day crack like I've seen my other friends and family members crack.
The research says that men with shizophrenia experience their first psychotic breaks in their 20's, for women it's in their early 30's. My 11th grade psychology students all caught on to this.
I've visited psychiatric facilities too many times in my life. After a very close friend/former boyfriend died, 3 years after being diagnosed with schizophrenia, I volunteered with the West Houston chapter of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. That along with 2 hours of watching Little House on the Prairie every morning served as my therapy.
But then soon enough, I went to real therapy, which I was dong regularly for about seven years, until my last therapist said I didn't need to keep seeing her anymore.
It runs in my family. My dad has a horrible story of his dad being picked up by the NYPD and getting committed to some place in Queens or maybe upstate New York, again I don't remember. He had to go through all kinds of hoops to get him out, and he was a teenager at that time, having arrived from Venezuela not too many years before.
So it really bothers me that I lost it. And endangered myself and lost my free ticket home.
And by the way, I was sitting at this computer at the AUB dorm when I wrote a lot of those posts. And when I wrote that crazy the U.S. will bomb its own boats scenario, I wasn't alone. I was with a Lebanese guy. And we formulated the post together. So I didn't even make that up by myself. Again, too many voices influencing me, and the silly pressure to keep blogging. Just so no one would forget that I and Lebanon existed.
Like I've said before, I can't live by fear. And I can't live by any fear that I will one day start hearing voices and believing paranoid delusions.
God is bigger than all of that. He's saved me thus far. And He brought me home safely.
Local news article
From the Katy Sun:
It's fine except for the last line, "is waiting to hear from some of her Lebanese friends." I'm calling a lot of them, but it's true that there are still a lot of people I haven't talked to.
It's fine except for the last line, "is waiting to hear from some of her Lebanese friends." I'm calling a lot of them, but it's true that there are still a lot of people I haven't talked to.
Going Back
Excerpt of an e-mail from a friend:
"The closet I came to a war zone was when the Ivory Coast civil war started when I was in Ghana. I hosted some Peace Corps who had been evacuated and the hardest thing was how different people respond to shock. There were loads of French and American evacuees in Accra then and some of them acted really piggish, and others were so worried about their Ivorian friends left behind they actually recrossed the border to try and help."
Sounds crazy? I understand the feeling.
"The closet I came to a war zone was when the Ivory Coast civil war started when I was in Ghana. I hosted some Peace Corps who had been evacuated and the hardest thing was how different people respond to shock. There were loads of French and American evacuees in Accra then and some of them acted really piggish, and others were so worried about their Ivorian friends left behind they actually recrossed the border to try and help."
Sounds crazy? I understand the feeling.
Downtown Beirut
Downtown
Originally uploaded by Jane Rubio.
See how beautiful it is.
I took this the day before I left, the day I ran around Beirut with my friends. That's when I realized that not all people were bunkering down in their houses.
I took a ton of pictures that day. I don't know what it will look like when I go back.
There were rumors. The Israelis are going to bomb Downtown. They got part of the Roman temples at Baalaak. I don't know.
And the Daily Star is reporting from Medicins Sans Frontiers (Doctors Without Borders) that these medical safety corridors in Southern Lebanon simply do not exist. Their trucks have been attacked by bombs. They can't get to the people who need the help.
I don't know how anyone can say bombing medical trucks, bombing a milk factory, potentially destroying ancient ruins or the beautifully rebuilt downtown can count as anyone defending itself?
So now what are you going to do?
Let me quote what a girl said during my senior year in college, or maybe it was on a T-shirt, . . .I don't remember.
"Don't ask me what I'm doing next year, unless you're offering me a job."
I, acutally, don't want a job, but am MORE than willing to do all kinds of work that allow me to be Jane and somehow make a living.
Yes, I'm open to suggestions.
I'm in New York right now to see what I can figure out. I signed up for some classes at The Learning Annex, like "20 Ways to Make Money Without Going to Work!", "Successful Fundraisng and Grant Writing" and yes, even, "How to Write a Book Proposal That Publishers Can't Refuse." Special thanks to all of you who have written me personally about this.
Unfortunately, I missed "How to Become a Winning Game Show Contestant." It is still one of my life dreams to win big on Jeapordy.
And I figured I didn't need "How to Be Bitch: Women, Learn to Assert Yourself and Get What You Desire!" Got good old Jane, Senior for that.
Why do half the class titles end with an exclamation point? Didn't they learn that other golden rule of writing? Never, ever use an exclamation point unless you're quoting a cheerleader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Don't ask me what I'm doing next year, unless you're offering me a job."
I, acutally, don't want a job, but am MORE than willing to do all kinds of work that allow me to be Jane and somehow make a living.
Yes, I'm open to suggestions.
I'm in New York right now to see what I can figure out. I signed up for some classes at The Learning Annex, like "20 Ways to Make Money Without Going to Work!", "Successful Fundraisng and Grant Writing" and yes, even, "How to Write a Book Proposal That Publishers Can't Refuse." Special thanks to all of you who have written me personally about this.
Unfortunately, I missed "How to Become a Winning Game Show Contestant." It is still one of my life dreams to win big on Jeapordy.
And I figured I didn't need "How to Be Bitch: Women, Learn to Assert Yourself and Get What You Desire!" Got good old Jane, Senior for that.
Why do half the class titles end with an exclamation point? Didn't they learn that other golden rule of writing? Never, ever use an exclamation point unless you're quoting a cheerleader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Responding to earl
I'm not saying that Israelis should have to hide their identity to the Arab world, but to the world in general. I made the analogy about flaunting my American identity in certain contexts, but I guess I'm not communicating it well to you. So I'll just have to drop this subject.
I haven't said that the existence of Israel is a mistake. It just has a really crappy foreign policy that's brought upon itself a lot of security problems. Which is exactly what the US is doing to itself by supporting Israel.
When did Hizbollah murder Americans?? I would love to get some info about this. Oh wait, the 241 U.S. Marines that got killed in Beirut in 1984. Is that what you're referring to??
I haven't said that the existence of Israel is a mistake. It just has a really crappy foreign policy that's brought upon itself a lot of security problems. Which is exactly what the US is doing to itself by supporting Israel.
When did Hizbollah murder Americans?? I would love to get some info about this. Oh wait, the 241 U.S. Marines that got killed in Beirut in 1984. Is that what you're referring to??
Code-Switching
Now that I'm back in the US of A, I realize that I've developed my own weird Jane-speech these past couple years, a version of Lebanese English. I throw in words all the time, like Khalas "Stop," Shway "A little", A3njad "Really", or Wallow, if I'm being sarcastic, Yala, Habiby. I make a tisk noise and lift my chin when I want to say NO, and I press down my eyelids and my chin down to indicate yes. I bring my fingers together of my right hand in an upward-cup shape to say "Wait."
I have to filter out these little Arabisms, and explain this non-verbal communication. Well, actually, just get rid of it for now.
This is more complicated for me now returning from this trip than from my other trips. Because Lebanon was the longest I've lived outside the U.S--1 year, 10 months. And most of the time I was speaking English (because almost all my friends speak English).
But Lebanese English is different. They say stuff, like "This house is for my uncle." But in standard American, we would say, "That's my uncle's house."
As the English teacher, I point out that these things in Lebanese English are not how they are expressed in standard American English. (Because they don't realize that.)
But having studied the Ebonics debate (I have a masters in education), I don't say they speak wrong. I say they speak different. I treat Lebanese English like Spanglish or Standard African-American English (Ebonics.) Different cultures have different languages, and certain languages are appropriate for different contexts. Successful people know which language to employ in different situations.
As teachers, we have to teach Standard American English and make sure our students are competent in that and employ it in the appropriate situaitons. It's not our jobs to say the way they speak at home with their families is wrong. Becauase it's not.
And by the way, I can't even speak Portuguese anymore. My best friend and her family are Brazilian-Lebanese and they speak Portuguese and Arabic mixed and I do the same thing when I'm with them. My Portuguese is good; my Arabic is crappy. But because it's on the top of my head and I use it more than Portuguese, the words for lots of things come easier adn faster in Arabic. So if I don't want to think too hard, I just say it in whatever word comes first--Portuguese or Arabic. This is not a problem with my neighbors. They understand me, and I understand them.
But I don't think code-switching is necessarily bad. It's a stage in language aquisition for me. At least it allows me to talk to people who don't know English (like my friend's parents and Brazilian relatives.)
I have to filter out these little Arabisms, and explain this non-verbal communication. Well, actually, just get rid of it for now.
This is more complicated for me now returning from this trip than from my other trips. Because Lebanon was the longest I've lived outside the U.S--1 year, 10 months. And most of the time I was speaking English (because almost all my friends speak English).
But Lebanese English is different. They say stuff, like "This house is for my uncle." But in standard American, we would say, "That's my uncle's house."
As the English teacher, I point out that these things in Lebanese English are not how they are expressed in standard American English. (Because they don't realize that.)
But having studied the Ebonics debate (I have a masters in education), I don't say they speak wrong. I say they speak different. I treat Lebanese English like Spanglish or Standard African-American English (Ebonics.) Different cultures have different languages, and certain languages are appropriate for different contexts. Successful people know which language to employ in different situations.
As teachers, we have to teach Standard American English and make sure our students are competent in that and employ it in the appropriate situaitons. It's not our jobs to say the way they speak at home with their families is wrong. Becauase it's not.
And by the way, I can't even speak Portuguese anymore. My best friend and her family are Brazilian-Lebanese and they speak Portuguese and Arabic mixed and I do the same thing when I'm with them. My Portuguese is good; my Arabic is crappy. But because it's on the top of my head and I use it more than Portuguese, the words for lots of things come easier adn faster in Arabic. So if I don't want to think too hard, I just say it in whatever word comes first--Portuguese or Arabic. This is not a problem with my neighbors. They understand me, and I understand them.
But I don't think code-switching is necessarily bad. It's a stage in language aquisition for me. At least it allows me to talk to people who don't know English (like my friend's parents and Brazilian relatives.)
Is it coming now?
The last American and Canadian boats are leaving Friday. Is it coming now???
The U.S. is not backing up the U.N. and the rest of the world calling for a ceasefire. They keep saying it will be a ceasefire that won't work, that Israel won't have solved its Hizbolla problem. If Israel wants to finish with Hizbolla for good, then this is going to be a long, disgusting war.
There is no finishing Hizbolla. They are just getting stronger. If they want to protect their border and occupy South Lebanon with an international peace-keeping force, then this thing can end in a more timely and reasonable fashion.
But calling for the end of Hizballa is scary, because Israel and everyone else knows that that's not going to happen.
I have to be optimistic. I have to be in denial. I can't think about what Israel is going to do now to Lebanon, now that the foreigners have been evacuated.
My friends have been moving around a little the past couple days, visiting each other. Except for my friend stuck in Rashaya. Now, it's just boredom. They're not working; just watching TV. They're concerned about stuff running out, mostly fuel, not food so much. Druze people and those who live in villages in the mountain can and store everything. Most families can go for months with stuff in their storehouses.
One of my Lebanese friends who wasn't in Lebanon when it started e-mailed me saying that this will be done in a month or so, and that I won't have any problems getting that tourist visa, and we'll see each other soon enough.
"A month?? Are you being serious? Or are you employing that old Lebanese survival tactic called denial."
His response: "DENIAL."
The U.S. is not backing up the U.N. and the rest of the world calling for a ceasefire. They keep saying it will be a ceasefire that won't work, that Israel won't have solved its Hizbolla problem. If Israel wants to finish with Hizbolla for good, then this is going to be a long, disgusting war.
There is no finishing Hizbolla. They are just getting stronger. If they want to protect their border and occupy South Lebanon with an international peace-keeping force, then this thing can end in a more timely and reasonable fashion.
But calling for the end of Hizballa is scary, because Israel and everyone else knows that that's not going to happen.
I have to be optimistic. I have to be in denial. I can't think about what Israel is going to do now to Lebanon, now that the foreigners have been evacuated.
My friends have been moving around a little the past couple days, visiting each other. Except for my friend stuck in Rashaya. Now, it's just boredom. They're not working; just watching TV. They're concerned about stuff running out, mostly fuel, not food so much. Druze people and those who live in villages in the mountain can and store everything. Most families can go for months with stuff in their storehouses.
One of my Lebanese friends who wasn't in Lebanon when it started e-mailed me saying that this will be done in a month or so, and that I won't have any problems getting that tourist visa, and we'll see each other soon enough.
"A month?? Are you being serious? Or are you employing that old Lebanese survival tactic called denial."
His response: "DENIAL."
July 26, 2006
Explaining My Paranoia
Today, I received an e-mail from the AUB student who was staying in those dorms with me those last three days. In a very concerned way, she suggested that I see a counselor. She said my behavior and speech became increasingly erratic, my conspiracy theories weirder, and the way I just took off at the end leaving her a cryptic note and not saying anything was very dangerous and, kind of, disturbing.
On my way out of AUB I saw a friend of mine. And I wouldn't stop to say anything.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?" I had my backpack on.
"Just don't tell anyone you saw me," and I kept walking.
"Jane, what are you doing??"
But I, like a weird-o, didn't stop, and just got in the first serveec that drove by.
I went directly to Aley and had the guy drop me off on the road near my friends' house. I swear, I thought, I was in a movie at this point.
Becaues my bag was heavy and I still had to walk a ways to their house, I walked off the side of the road (which always freaks me out because there are mines still around--from that previous war) and hid my bag under a plastic bag and some straw-grass.
When I got to my friends' house, they were standing outside, as if they were waiting for me. It was so weird. It was like a movie. The night before, she had said to come there if I need to and that they might be going to Syria (because she's from Syria.)
So I walked in and I like pulled the curtains so no one could see.
"I have to be in Amman, Jordan now. I"m not waiting for these Americans anymore. This is the third day they told me to wait. They cannot guarantee my safety. I don't think it's safe to go into Syria as an American. I want to find a guy to sneak me across the border with a fake Lebanese passport."
I swear I actually said and thought this. I am not making this up. In fact, I said I would never blog this because I KNOW this is craziness.
And of course, they were like, what the hell, that's craziness.
And then I called my friend, and all like I'm in a movie or something, I was like, "Don't say my name. Just come here now. Say you're coming to Aley. Don't tell your husband or kids or anyone that you're seeing me."
But she couldn't leave. So I talked to her on the phone, which I didn't want to do because I know they're all tapped.
"Does your husband know someone who can get a fake passport and smuggle me through one of these little villages through Syria?"
Now, why such a complicated and foolishly dangerous plan?? Because I had heard that the Syrians were giving Americans a hard time. What if they turned me away at the border? What if they made me wait hours? Or worse? What if the shit hit the fan and someone wanted to kidnap an American? I was so irrationally scared of Syria that I was like, I can't travel there with my American passport.
(Of course, this makes no sense. Everyone was going through Syria.)
So basically after ten minutes of trying to work out this plan, my friends convinced it was crazy. And then he said, "Don't say these things into the phone. They tap the phones."
HAH! See I'm not the only one who thinks like this. It's true.
And I was like, "Damn, I'm jeopardizing your safety."
And they're scared. Really scared. They can't go to Syria. They can't leave their house because they're scared of hte Shia refugees that are everywhere. They're scared that they're going to break into their house, that they're going to cause violence in the neighborhood, and worst of all, that they'll bring Hizbollah and Israeli bombs with them.
"If Hizbolla wins, we'll lose Aley." And by we, he meant the Shia.
[Are you seeing how the sectarian conflict is already beginning???}
So then I directly decided to scrap the plan, and go back to AUB. So I went down the path, found my bag, scratched myself up with all the thorns, and just walked, and then I foudn a random taxi and hopped in. Another $50 to Beirut. I've spent $150 so far.
Then on the way down, I realized I can still go to Amman. . . The normal way. The way all the other people went to Damascus, by a driver. That's how I went the two times I went before, once all by myself.
I realized this when we got to Beirut. I had just called the AUB people telling them to nevermind that note, I scrapped that plan, I'll be going out with you in the evacuation.
But then I decided to go over-land to Amman. But I didn't call them because I was scared they would turn me back at the border and I'd have to come back. So I didn't want to lose my place.
Another $50 to Aley. But then I realized, I could take my stuff--2 big suitcases. And then I didn't feel like such a paranoid, crazy weirdo. Now, I knew I was smart because I would have my stuff. EVeryone else got out with one carry-on.
But really, I'm the stupid, because from Aley, I had to pay $350 to go direct to the Amman airport. Now really everyone said that was an amazing price. Eventhough regularly it would cost $21. But still I was one person, not a whole family, so that made it ending up being more expensive for me. And then $1600 to fly Lufthansa Amman-Frankfurt-Houston. So now the paranoia made me the dumb one, spending all my money, and missing the helicopter ride (but that hasn't been confirmed yet.)
So how do I explain this major craziness? Because I serioulsy freaked myself out. I knew I was being crazy, and I was acting like a double-secret agent. I was scared to tell people my whereabouts because I didn't wnat to endanger the safety of the American evacuation or of my friends.
And I always pride myself on being so resilient and tough. Look, no one else lost it like I did.
But here's how I explain it. The dumb blog and my many friends. Here's the problem: I was receiving too much information and too many suggestions as to what to do.
I think because of the blog, things were just too complicated. I can't compare myself to the other AUB students who weren't constantly blogging, who hadn't spent those first days of the War in Aley, and who might not have people spread out all over the country they were trying to call. And I can't compare myself to my Lebanese friends because they're "used to it" and if they don't have the option to leave, they have to deal with that (denial stuff), in order to survive.
A human can't take and process as much disparate information as I was getting baraged with. After a whole day, blogging, giving phone interviews, and never leaving the dorm--I snapped. I wasn't protecting my Mental Safety.
That's why the next day, I chose to sacrifice my Physical Safety and run around Beirut. Because my Mental Safety had already been so jeaopordized.
Because, don't you see, I was thinking too much about everything and had to make quick decsions based on too much information. Wouldn't that make anyone snap? And blogging too makes you crazy. You can't ever get "the next post" out of your head.
Or maybe I'm just too sad about what's going to happen.
I'm really disappointed in myself for losing it at such a critical time. And it's embarrassing because all the people who are reading it. I wonder if there's a first time for everything, and the next time I encounter such stress, I'll be able to handle it . . . gracefully.
On my way out of AUB I saw a friend of mine. And I wouldn't stop to say anything.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?" I had my backpack on.
"Just don't tell anyone you saw me," and I kept walking.
"Jane, what are you doing??"
But I, like a weird-o, didn't stop, and just got in the first serveec that drove by.
I went directly to Aley and had the guy drop me off on the road near my friends' house. I swear, I thought, I was in a movie at this point.
Becaues my bag was heavy and I still had to walk a ways to their house, I walked off the side of the road (which always freaks me out because there are mines still around--from that previous war) and hid my bag under a plastic bag and some straw-grass.
When I got to my friends' house, they were standing outside, as if they were waiting for me. It was so weird. It was like a movie. The night before, she had said to come there if I need to and that they might be going to Syria (because she's from Syria.)
So I walked in and I like pulled the curtains so no one could see.
"I have to be in Amman, Jordan now. I"m not waiting for these Americans anymore. This is the third day they told me to wait. They cannot guarantee my safety. I don't think it's safe to go into Syria as an American. I want to find a guy to sneak me across the border with a fake Lebanese passport."
I swear I actually said and thought this. I am not making this up. In fact, I said I would never blog this because I KNOW this is craziness.
And of course, they were like, what the hell, that's craziness.
And then I called my friend, and all like I'm in a movie or something, I was like, "Don't say my name. Just come here now. Say you're coming to Aley. Don't tell your husband or kids or anyone that you're seeing me."
But she couldn't leave. So I talked to her on the phone, which I didn't want to do because I know they're all tapped.
"Does your husband know someone who can get a fake passport and smuggle me through one of these little villages through Syria?"
Now, why such a complicated and foolishly dangerous plan?? Because I had heard that the Syrians were giving Americans a hard time. What if they turned me away at the border? What if they made me wait hours? Or worse? What if the shit hit the fan and someone wanted to kidnap an American? I was so irrationally scared of Syria that I was like, I can't travel there with my American passport.
(Of course, this makes no sense. Everyone was going through Syria.)
So basically after ten minutes of trying to work out this plan, my friends convinced it was crazy. And then he said, "Don't say these things into the phone. They tap the phones."
HAH! See I'm not the only one who thinks like this. It's true.
And I was like, "Damn, I'm jeopardizing your safety."
And they're scared. Really scared. They can't go to Syria. They can't leave their house because they're scared of hte Shia refugees that are everywhere. They're scared that they're going to break into their house, that they're going to cause violence in the neighborhood, and worst of all, that they'll bring Hizbollah and Israeli bombs with them.
"If Hizbolla wins, we'll lose Aley." And by we, he meant the Shia.
[Are you seeing how the sectarian conflict is already beginning???}
So then I directly decided to scrap the plan, and go back to AUB. So I went down the path, found my bag, scratched myself up with all the thorns, and just walked, and then I foudn a random taxi and hopped in. Another $50 to Beirut. I've spent $150 so far.
Then on the way down, I realized I can still go to Amman. . . The normal way. The way all the other people went to Damascus, by a driver. That's how I went the two times I went before, once all by myself.
I realized this when we got to Beirut. I had just called the AUB people telling them to nevermind that note, I scrapped that plan, I'll be going out with you in the evacuation.
But then I decided to go over-land to Amman. But I didn't call them because I was scared they would turn me back at the border and I'd have to come back. So I didn't want to lose my place.
Another $50 to Aley. But then I realized, I could take my stuff--2 big suitcases. And then I didn't feel like such a paranoid, crazy weirdo. Now, I knew I was smart because I would have my stuff. EVeryone else got out with one carry-on.
But really, I'm the stupid, because from Aley, I had to pay $350 to go direct to the Amman airport. Now really everyone said that was an amazing price. Eventhough regularly it would cost $21. But still I was one person, not a whole family, so that made it ending up being more expensive for me. And then $1600 to fly Lufthansa Amman-Frankfurt-Houston. So now the paranoia made me the dumb one, spending all my money, and missing the helicopter ride (but that hasn't been confirmed yet.)
So how do I explain this major craziness? Because I serioulsy freaked myself out. I knew I was being crazy, and I was acting like a double-secret agent. I was scared to tell people my whereabouts because I didn't wnat to endanger the safety of the American evacuation or of my friends.
And I always pride myself on being so resilient and tough. Look, no one else lost it like I did.
But here's how I explain it. The dumb blog and my many friends. Here's the problem: I was receiving too much information and too many suggestions as to what to do.
I think because of the blog, things were just too complicated. I can't compare myself to the other AUB students who weren't constantly blogging, who hadn't spent those first days of the War in Aley, and who might not have people spread out all over the country they were trying to call. And I can't compare myself to my Lebanese friends because they're "used to it" and if they don't have the option to leave, they have to deal with that (denial stuff), in order to survive.
A human can't take and process as much disparate information as I was getting baraged with. After a whole day, blogging, giving phone interviews, and never leaving the dorm--I snapped. I wasn't protecting my Mental Safety.
That's why the next day, I chose to sacrifice my Physical Safety and run around Beirut. Because my Mental Safety had already been so jeaopordized.
Because, don't you see, I was thinking too much about everything and had to make quick decsions based on too much information. Wouldn't that make anyone snap? And blogging too makes you crazy. You can't ever get "the next post" out of your head.
Or maybe I'm just too sad about what's going to happen.
I'm really disappointed in myself for losing it at such a critical time. And it's embarrassing because all the people who are reading it. I wonder if there's a first time for everything, and the next time I encounter such stress, I'll be able to handle it . . . gracefully.
Responding to j and earl g
I'm so glad you now have a name, j.
I don't know if those kids were Israeli. It doesn't matter. It's not a matter of being ashamed of your identity. It's just at this time, don't they realize that there are a lot of people very angry at Israel and think their policy is bad? Out of concern for my own personal safety, I wouldn't wear a T-shirt with Israel on it. In the same vein, when I am in many places, I don't flash around my American passport or even speak in English when I can help it.
Yes, it surprised me that they felt so comfortable.
And as for Tarek, I understand the whole being weird about your ethnic identity thing. When I was at Harvard, I did my share of discussion groups and read enough theory about this stuff to know the complications. I myself have had to muddle my way through my Latina-ness.
So of course, I should cut the guy some slack. But at the same time, I was looking for a "friend". Frankfurt was the only place where I really broke down. Because it was the first time since it all started (and since I traveled home in December) where I was surrounded by a bunch of people who knew nothing about where I had just been, and probably didn't care. I felt totally alone.
I started talking to this Brazilian woman behind me. (You know I love Brazilians. CULTURAL STEREOTYPE/GENERALIZATION--They're so sweet.)
"Onde vc mora?" (Where do you live?)
And then I started crying. "Libano."
And she was really nice to me.
As for earl g, I think you mean "delusional." I will respond to that in my next post.
I said it's dangerous to speak English when I travel to other places, like in Latin America, where I can get by speaking Spanish and Portuguese, so why let on I'm a "rich" American tourist? I wasn't referring to Israelis when I said that.
And I don't understand this.
"Your acknowledging it's dangerous to even admit you're israeli or even support them is an acknowledgment that Israel is in the right."
Maybe you can explain this.
I'm stating a fact--that many people (mostly Arab, but not just) are very upset with Israel right now. I don't think I have to go to any extreme lengths to prove this point.
I don't know if those kids were Israeli. It doesn't matter. It's not a matter of being ashamed of your identity. It's just at this time, don't they realize that there are a lot of people very angry at Israel and think their policy is bad? Out of concern for my own personal safety, I wouldn't wear a T-shirt with Israel on it. In the same vein, when I am in many places, I don't flash around my American passport or even speak in English when I can help it.
Yes, it surprised me that they felt so comfortable.
And as for Tarek, I understand the whole being weird about your ethnic identity thing. When I was at Harvard, I did my share of discussion groups and read enough theory about this stuff to know the complications. I myself have had to muddle my way through my Latina-ness.
So of course, I should cut the guy some slack. But at the same time, I was looking for a "friend". Frankfurt was the only place where I really broke down. Because it was the first time since it all started (and since I traveled home in December) where I was surrounded by a bunch of people who knew nothing about where I had just been, and probably didn't care. I felt totally alone.
I started talking to this Brazilian woman behind me. (You know I love Brazilians. CULTURAL STEREOTYPE/GENERALIZATION--They're so sweet.)
"Onde vc mora?" (Where do you live?)
And then I started crying. "Libano."
And she was really nice to me.
As for earl g, I think you mean "delusional." I will respond to that in my next post.
I said it's dangerous to speak English when I travel to other places, like in Latin America, where I can get by speaking Spanish and Portuguese, so why let on I'm a "rich" American tourist? I wasn't referring to Israelis when I said that.
And I don't understand this.
"Your acknowledging it's dangerous to even admit you're israeli or even support them is an acknowledgment that Israel is in the right."
Maybe you can explain this.
I'm stating a fact--that many people (mostly Arab, but not just) are very upset with Israel right now. I don't think I have to go to any extreme lengths to prove this point.
Overreacting about the Bias in the American Media thing? & Israelis and Arabs in the Airport
Maybe.
I just saw Time Magazine. A big, huge picture of a blown apart Dahiye. I saw a store sign that I thought I recognized. I almost started to choke. But then I didn't. It's still just a picture. I don't recognize the place.
In the Frankfurt and Houston airports, I saw a kid wearing a T-shirt that said "jerUSAlem" with an Israeli and US. flag side-by-side underneath it. And I saw some other kid wearing a shirt about Israel.
It completely weirded me out. I was like, Do they not know what's going on?? How can their parents let them wear that?? Aren't they at all concerned about their personal safety?
It's like when I travel, I don't flash around my blue passport or speak English really loudly. In fact, opposite, I try to hide it as much as I can. Mostly for issues of personal safety, I mean, why make myself stick out?
But these kids and their parents didn't care. What does that mean??
A man was training a woman at the Lufthansa counter where I purchased the Frankfurt-Houston ticket. When they printed it up, I saw the name, Tarek Hamze.
"Who's Tarek Hamze?"
"My colleague," she said, pointing to the very-German-looking guy next to her.
"Are you Lebanese?"
"No, I'm German." I obviously offended him.
"Sorry, of Lebanese or Arab origin?" I was asking out of that inexplicable desire to connect with someone. Especially, now in this time of crisis where we all have to pull through for one another.
"No."
Whatever, Tarek Hamze.
So Tarek Hamze will do everything to deny whatever Arab heritage he has, but these Israeli kids will flaunt it for the whole world to see.
Now, I know everyone is going to get offended. Let me brace myself for the comments.
And I haven't really been able to analyze it to much. What does that mean??
Either way, I was really disturbed by both of them.
I just saw Time Magazine. A big, huge picture of a blown apart Dahiye. I saw a store sign that I thought I recognized. I almost started to choke. But then I didn't. It's still just a picture. I don't recognize the place.
In the Frankfurt and Houston airports, I saw a kid wearing a T-shirt that said "jerUSAlem" with an Israeli and US. flag side-by-side underneath it. And I saw some other kid wearing a shirt about Israel.
It completely weirded me out. I was like, Do they not know what's going on?? How can their parents let them wear that?? Aren't they at all concerned about their personal safety?
It's like when I travel, I don't flash around my blue passport or speak English really loudly. In fact, opposite, I try to hide it as much as I can. Mostly for issues of personal safety, I mean, why make myself stick out?
But these kids and their parents didn't care. What does that mean??
A man was training a woman at the Lufthansa counter where I purchased the Frankfurt-Houston ticket. When they printed it up, I saw the name, Tarek Hamze.
"Who's Tarek Hamze?"
"My colleague," she said, pointing to the very-German-looking guy next to her.
"Are you Lebanese?"
"No, I'm German." I obviously offended him.
"Sorry, of Lebanese or Arab origin?" I was asking out of that inexplicable desire to connect with someone. Especially, now in this time of crisis where we all have to pull through for one another.
"No."
Whatever, Tarek Hamze.
So Tarek Hamze will do everything to deny whatever Arab heritage he has, but these Israeli kids will flaunt it for the whole world to see.
Now, I know everyone is going to get offended. Let me brace myself for the comments.
And I haven't really been able to analyze it to much. What does that mean??
Either way, I was really disturbed by both of them.
Fox 26 News Houston--I was Bumped for American kids in Haifa
The woman called me yesterday to go on live on the morning show. It's 4:00 now and I need to know if I'm supposed to pack my bags to spend the night at my sister's. So I have to look up the number and call her.
"Oh, sorry, yeah, I was going to call you. We're filled for tomorrow. They're these American kids who just got back from Haifa."
"Haifa. . . Hm. . . Are you going to have some people from Lebanon on your show? I don't know if you're aware of the bias in the American media. Not that it's not bad in Haifa, too, but I hope you put some people from Lebanon on your show."
She probably didn't appreciate the condescension. She then said something about me maybe going on Thursday or Friday. And I was like, I don't care if I go on, but really you should put some people on from Lebanon, again emphasizing the bias in the American media.
So I succeeded in putting Bernadette out. "Well if that's how you feel about the American media, then we really don't need someone like you on our show."
"Good luck."
And that was that.
"Oh, sorry, yeah, I was going to call you. We're filled for tomorrow. They're these American kids who just got back from Haifa."
"Haifa. . . Hm. . . Are you going to have some people from Lebanon on your show? I don't know if you're aware of the bias in the American media. Not that it's not bad in Haifa, too, but I hope you put some people from Lebanon on your show."
She probably didn't appreciate the condescension. She then said something about me maybe going on Thursday or Friday. And I was like, I don't care if I go on, but really you should put some people on from Lebanon, again emphasizing the bias in the American media.
So I succeeded in putting Bernadette out. "Well if that's how you feel about the American media, then we really don't need someone like you on our show."
"Good luck."
And that was that.
July 25, 2006
E-mail from US Embassy: The Last Boat
The U.S. Embassy advises American citizens in Lebanon that the last
scheduled ship departure from Lebanon will be on Wednesday, July 26. We
continue to believe that most American citizens who wished to depart
Lebanon with U.S. government assistance have now done so. We strongly
urge all Americans who wish to depart Lebanon and who are able to do so to
proceed directly to the Dbayeh Processing Center. Processing will
begin on July 26 at 9:00am. Do not wait for a call from the U.S. Embassy.
Further delay is not advisable.
Future assisted departures will be on an emergency case-by-case basis.
Such departures may not be immediate.
The U.S. Embassy in Beirut is in contact with some American citizens in
South Lebanon who have had difficulty in getting to Beirut. These
citizens should remain in contact with the U.S. Embassy for further
guidance. Family members in the United States of these individuals may
contact the Department of State if they have information on their specific
location.
The Dbayeh Processing Center is accessed via the Dbayeh Bridge in
Beirut. Processing will take place at the Mobile Forces Barracks (Marina
Khoury) facing the water station pump near Dbayeh Port. Travelers should
be prepared for a wait; they should bring supplies of food and water
and wear comfortable shoes and protection from the sun.
Americans wishing to depart with the assistance of the U.S. Government
should bring their U.S. passport, money, credit cards, and any other
essential documents. Non-Americans traveling with an American immediate
relative (spouse, child or parent) must have a valid passport and a
valid U.S. visa or green card, if their final destination is the United
States. Those Lebanese-Americans who have a Lebanese national ID must
bring this ID with them, particularly if they have acquired a new U.S.
passport during their stay in Lebanon. They will need to show their
Lebanese ID to the Lebanese immigration authorities in order to obtain an
exit stamp in their passport.
Each person may bring only one small carry-on, maximum weight 15 kg.
In that bag, travelers should bring a change of clothes for 2-3 days,
essential medication, glasses/contact lenses, toiletries, water and snack
food. If bringing children, it is advisable to bring along one toy for
each child, diapers and formula as appropriate, etc. No pets will be
allowed.
The initial screening will involve verification of American citizenship
and eligibility for travel. To ensure your security, and that of the
other travelers, a security screening will also be conducted. Travelers
departing via commercial ship will be taken from the processing center
by bus to the port. Before boarding the ship, all passengers will pass
through Lebanese immigration procedures at the port.
Travelers transported by the U.S. government will go to Cyprus or
Turkey. Travelers will be met by U.S. consular officers who will assist in
moving people to staging sites for preparation for onward travel to the
U.S. There will be U.S. Government-chartered aircraft to the east
coast of the United States. Once in the U.S., travelers will be able to
make onward arrangements to return home.
For the latest on assistance in departing Lebanon, Americans should
monitor the local radio - 105.5 FM - and the U.S. Embassy Beirut internet
website
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has directed the State Department
to waive the normal requirement for American citizens departing Lebanon
on U.S. Government transport to reimburse the Department of State for
their travel costs to the first port of entry in the U.S. The U.S.
Embassy, with support from the U.S. Department of State and Department of
Defense, will do everything possible to facilitate the departure of
American citizens from Lebanon.
The Department of State continues to work around the clock to ensure
the safety and well-being of its citizens. For more information about
departures, phone the Department of State at 1-202-501-4444 from
overseas, or at 1-888-407-4747 if calling from the U.S. and Canada.
scheduled ship departure from Lebanon will be on Wednesday, July 26. We
continue to believe that most American citizens who wished to depart
Lebanon with U.S. government assistance have now done so. We strongly
urge all Americans who wish to depart Lebanon and who are able to do so to
proceed directly to the Dbayeh Processing Center. Processing will
begin on July 26 at 9:00am. Do not wait for a call from the U.S. Embassy.
Further delay is not advisable.
Future assisted departures will be on an emergency case-by-case basis.
Such departures may not be immediate.
The U.S. Embassy in Beirut is in contact with some American citizens in
South Lebanon who have had difficulty in getting to Beirut. These
citizens should remain in contact with the U.S. Embassy for further
guidance. Family members in the United States of these individuals may
contact the Department of State if they have information on their specific
location.
The Dbayeh Processing Center is accessed via the Dbayeh Bridge in
Beirut. Processing will take place at the Mobile Forces Barracks (Marina
Khoury) facing the water station pump near Dbayeh Port. Travelers should
be prepared for a wait; they should bring supplies of food and water
and wear comfortable shoes and protection from the sun.
Americans wishing to depart with the assistance of the U.S. Government
should bring their U.S. passport, money, credit cards, and any other
essential documents. Non-Americans traveling with an American immediate
relative (spouse, child or parent) must have a valid passport and a
valid U.S. visa or green card, if their final destination is the United
States. Those Lebanese-Americans who have a Lebanese national ID must
bring this ID with them, particularly if they have acquired a new U.S.
passport during their stay in Lebanon. They will need to show their
Lebanese ID to the Lebanese immigration authorities in order to obtain an
exit stamp in their passport.
Each person may bring only one small carry-on, maximum weight 15 kg.
In that bag, travelers should bring a change of clothes for 2-3 days,
essential medication, glasses/contact lenses, toiletries, water and snack
food. If bringing children, it is advisable to bring along one toy for
each child, diapers and formula as appropriate, etc. No pets will be
allowed.
The initial screening will involve verification of American citizenship
and eligibility for travel. To ensure your security, and that of the
other travelers, a security screening will also be conducted. Travelers
departing via commercial ship will be taken from the processing center
by bus to the port. Before boarding the ship, all passengers will pass
through Lebanese immigration procedures at the port.
Travelers transported by the U.S. government will go to Cyprus or
Turkey. Travelers will be met by U.S. consular officers who will assist in
moving people to staging sites for preparation for onward travel to the
U.S. There will be U.S. Government-chartered aircraft to the east
coast of the United States. Once in the U.S., travelers will be able to
make onward arrangements to return home.
For the latest on assistance in departing Lebanon, Americans should
monitor the local radio - 105.5 FM - and the U.S. Embassy Beirut internet
website
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has directed the State Department
to waive the normal requirement for American citizens departing Lebanon
on U.S. Government transport to reimburse the Department of State for
their travel costs to the first port of entry in the U.S. The U.S.
Embassy, with support from the U.S. Department of State and Department of
Defense, will do everything possible to facilitate the departure of
American citizens from Lebanon.
The Department of State continues to work around the clock to ensure
the safety and well-being of its citizens. For more information about
departures, phone the Department of State at 1-202-501-4444 from
overseas, or at 1-888-407-4747 if calling from the U.S. and Canada.
I fixed the links!!!
So I've posted links to other blogs about Lebanon. If you have any others, send them to me so I can add them.
The baby is home!!!!
The American woman whose baby was in Lebanon with her grandparents is now in the U.S. with her mom. I sent her e-mails in a previous blog about how she was so happy that her baby was coming home and then about an hour and a half later she found out they had missed the boat.
But now they're together!!! Praise God!!
But now they're together!!! Praise God!!
Interview with Olfat Mahmoud
My friend, Kathleen, interviewed Olfat Mahmoud on the phone, and posted it to her blog.
Ms. Mahmoud runs the Women's Humanitarian Organizaiton in Bourj-al-Bourajne Palestinian Refugee Camp. I had been planning on volunteering their this summer and fall. But I changed my mind in April or so when Israel was stepping up the violence in Gaza.
Ms. Mahmoud runs the Women's Humanitarian Organizaiton in Bourj-al-Bourajne Palestinian Refugee Camp. I had been planning on volunteering their this summer and fall. But I changed my mind in April or so when Israel was stepping up the violence in Gaza.
Bible Episodes and Verses from Friends
Jane --
Thinking/praying about you the past day or so I've kept coming back
to two Biblical episodes that offer, I guess, focal images for my
hopes for you in and after your current situation ...
The first is Jesus sleeping peacefully in the bow of the disciples'
boat in the middle of a crazy storm on the Sea of Galilee -- they
freak out and wake him up, and he calms the storm but then chastises
them for thelr small faith (since he'd told them they were going to
the other side). Evidently the greater lesson, and the greater sign,
for them would have been to watch Jesus' peaceful sleeping face -- a
face of secure faith -- and take courage from that in the midst of
the storm.
The second, which might apply a little more after your evacuation, is
when Elijah's just had his big showdown on Mt. Carmel (i.e. the ridge
above Haifa), and fire fell from heaven and there was all this
violence and he fled, ran and ran, and was exhausted and basically
told God he wanted to die ... but instead he just slept a lot, and
God sent ravens carrying food for him, to help him recover and
prepare him for the journey ahead. I like that image of the ravens
... so I'm praying that God would give you the rest and nourishment
to recover and prepare, and that you'd be able to find a good place
and posture in which to be able to receive it.
Anyway, I hope those might be helpful. I can scrounge up the
scripture references if the stories aren't familiar (but the Bible's
across the room and I'm lazy). Take care sister.
Yours, etc.
-- Nate
------------------------------------------------------
These are from Anna:
Psalm 94:18 When I said, “My foot is slipping” your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Lam 3:19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet I call this to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Thinking/praying about you the past day or so I've kept coming back
to two Biblical episodes that offer, I guess, focal images for my
hopes for you in and after your current situation ...
The first is Jesus sleeping peacefully in the bow of the disciples'
boat in the middle of a crazy storm on the Sea of Galilee -- they
freak out and wake him up, and he calms the storm but then chastises
them for thelr small faith (since he'd told them they were going to
the other side). Evidently the greater lesson, and the greater sign,
for them would have been to watch Jesus' peaceful sleeping face -- a
face of secure faith -- and take courage from that in the midst of
the storm.
The second, which might apply a little more after your evacuation, is
when Elijah's just had his big showdown on Mt. Carmel (i.e. the ridge
above Haifa), and fire fell from heaven and there was all this
violence and he fled, ran and ran, and was exhausted and basically
told God he wanted to die ... but instead he just slept a lot, and
God sent ravens carrying food for him, to help him recover and
prepare him for the journey ahead. I like that image of the ravens
... so I'm praying that God would give you the rest and nourishment
to recover and prepare, and that you'd be able to find a good place
and posture in which to be able to receive it.
Anyway, I hope those might be helpful. I can scrounge up the
scripture references if the stories aren't familiar (but the Bible's
across the room and I'm lazy). Take care sister.
Yours, etc.
-- Nate
------------------------------------------------------
These are from Anna:
Psalm 94:18 When I said, “My foot is slipping” your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.
Lam 3:19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet I call this to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
Letter from Near East School of Theology
To all the Friends of NEST:
All my personal friends who overwhelmed me with their love and expressions of concern and assurance of prayer.
Thank you for your prayers, for your concern, love, and for your e-mails of assurance that you are remembering us, and to those who called by telephone our deep appreciation. Indeed we need your prayers. Indeed we need the world to move and comprehended the depth of the tragic situation in which we suddenly found ourselves in.
Dear Friends, non of us agreed on the kidnapping of the two Israeli soldiers, rather all have condemned any aggressive activity. But none of us could believe that what Israel has done and continue to do was/is only in response to that but a preplanned operation intended to destroy Lebanon and level its infrastructure to the ground preventing any way to relief the wounded, to bury the dead, to pull those who were safely in their homes form the rubbles. Attacking every truck of food or medicine. Destroying electricity fuel stations, three hospitals, destroying fifty five bridges, the airport and seaports and cutting Lebanon into pieces. Reducing areas of the suburb of Beirut, Baalbeck, Tyre and many many villages into a pile of rubbles.
Dear Friends, we are stunned by what we hear about “It is not time to request cease fire”, “Israel is given green light for another week or maybe two weeks”, or that, “The USA is speeding the sending of intelligent bombs to Israel”, and the like. In one week or two what would be left of Lebanon? Does Israel need more bomb we all wonder! Already in government reports 700,000 displaces, 1500 wounded, 350 killed, 76 fuel stations bombed, 55 bridges destroyed, countless factories, and dairy and chicken farms have been leveled to the ground. And the Israeli children keep sending gifts to the Lebanese children (see attached). And we are told that we are still in the beginning.
Friends, today I met a woman on the street and she shouted to me saying” “Why god made us born here?” I know God is grieving with all those who are grieving. I believe God’s heart is being deeply saddened by our aggression and violence. May we all be forgiven!
To you, all our friends we express our deepest appreciation.
In Christ,
Mary Mikhael
-------------------------------
Mary Mikhael
President
Near East School of Theology
P.O. Box 13-5780 Chouran
Beirut 1102-2070
Lebanon
Tel.: 961-1-354194 / 961-1-346708
Fax: 961-1-347129
e-mail: president@theonest.edu.lb
website: www.theonest.edu.lb
All my personal friends who overwhelmed me with their love and expressions of concern and assurance of prayer.
Thank you for your prayers, for your concern, love, and for your e-mails of assurance that you are remembering us, and to those who called by telephone our deep appreciation. Indeed we need your prayers. Indeed we need the world to move and comprehended the depth of the tragic situation in which we suddenly found ourselves in.
Dear Friends, non of us agreed on the kidnapping of the two Israeli soldiers, rather all have condemned any aggressive activity. But none of us could believe that what Israel has done and continue to do was/is only in response to that but a preplanned operation intended to destroy Lebanon and level its infrastructure to the ground preventing any way to relief the wounded, to bury the dead, to pull those who were safely in their homes form the rubbles. Attacking every truck of food or medicine. Destroying electricity fuel stations, three hospitals, destroying fifty five bridges, the airport and seaports and cutting Lebanon into pieces. Reducing areas of the suburb of Beirut, Baalbeck, Tyre and many many villages into a pile of rubbles.
Dear Friends, we are stunned by what we hear about “It is not time to request cease fire”, “Israel is given green light for another week or maybe two weeks”, or that, “The USA is speeding the sending of intelligent bombs to Israel”, and the like. In one week or two what would be left of Lebanon? Does Israel need more bomb we all wonder! Already in government reports 700,000 displaces, 1500 wounded, 350 killed, 76 fuel stations bombed, 55 bridges destroyed, countless factories, and dairy and chicken farms have been leveled to the ground. And the Israeli children keep sending gifts to the Lebanese children (see attached). And we are told that we are still in the beginning.
Friends, today I met a woman on the street and she shouted to me saying” “Why god made us born here?” I know God is grieving with all those who are grieving. I believe God’s heart is being deeply saddened by our aggression and violence. May we all be forgiven!
To you, all our friends we express our deepest appreciation.
In Christ,
Mary Mikhael
-------------------------------
Mary Mikhael
President
Near East School of Theology
P.O. Box 13-5780 Chouran
Beirut 1102-2070
Lebanon
Tel.: 961-1-354194 / 961-1-346708
Fax: 961-1-347129
e-mail: president@theonest.edu.lb
website: www.theonest.edu.lb
An E-mail from Iman, a native Beiruti in Beirut
In this e-mail, she gave me permission to post her e-mail. So you can e-mail her with encouragement--that the world cares and is watching. And I told her to be prepared for the potentially crazy people who could e-mail her.
Some stuff she says:
--"If we look to the faces in Beirut you can read clearly their feelings."
--"Besides People who were against Hizbollah in Lebanon or see politics in
different way now they are united with Hizbollah 100% everybody is
convinced that the aim isn't these 2 Israeli Soldiers."
I just got off the phone with her. She said last night was better. They could sleep in Beirut, and that people seemed more positive. She sounded more positive.
-----------------------------------
Dear Jane,
Thanks God you arrive safe.
since I knew you, I was sure in your beleif in the human being rights.
I do not mind at all if you want to forward my mail to any American I
will
try to have as much pictures as I can. Today was the South night
sometimes
people wonder if something will reamin from our country to be Bombard.
People sleep at the Sanaeh Garden , all the schools are full in all
Lebanon
even in the Christian Area Kesrwan and Chouf (Druze Areas) besides some
people stay at their relatives sometimes you can find 10 families in a
small
appartment.
We do need all kind of Help Yesterday they hit 2 big Ambulances of Red
Cross
guess u had seen the pictures, 45% of injured Kids means less than
13years
old.
We do need medecins, food, Water .....
Some people left their houses without even taking their papers and the
houses are completely destroyed means on the level of the earth.
If we look to the faces in Beirut you can read clearly their feelings.
Today Condelissa Rice arrived to Beiut met PM Sanyoura and Berry and
she'll
be meeting the 14 Forces, we hear that it had been prepared since long
time
this war, the true aim is Lebanon not Hizbollah, Actually the strength
of
Hizbollah still the same who lose is the Civilians in everything.
Besides People who were against Hizbollah in Lebanon or see politics in
different way now they are united with Hizbollah 100% everybody is
convinced
that the aim isn't these 2 Israeli Soldiers.
Yestreday the responsable of the United Nations visits the Suburb
(Dahia)
couldn't beleive what he had seen said I do admit it is against
International Law of Human Being.
At the end despite everything we do love our country despite war all
Lebanese aren't afraid from death they said some of them they gonna
kill us
we're not afraid we'll stay home in the South especially.
We invite all responsable in International Red Cross and NGO of the
world to
come and all People fighting for Human rights to come and see how they
had
destroyed our country.
Jano intend to stay but not sure we feel very tired 12 days day and
night
aeroplanes bombarding , killing, distroying, by the way 5 factories
yesterday in Bealbak, 270 houses needs reparation 50 complety
destroyed...
The war lead to more terrorism and phanatism today everyBody is busy
waiting
to know hwo is alive which house had been destryed, but the big SOCIAL
problem will be whem all this stop.
Pray for us maybe God might help more than evrything on this earth.
Regards,
Iman
imanalwan30@hotmail.com
Some stuff she says:
--"If we look to the faces in Beirut you can read clearly their feelings."
--"Besides People who were against Hizbollah in Lebanon or see politics in
different way now they are united with Hizbollah 100% everybody is
convinced that the aim isn't these 2 Israeli Soldiers."
I just got off the phone with her. She said last night was better. They could sleep in Beirut, and that people seemed more positive. She sounded more positive.
-----------------------------------
Dear Jane,
Thanks God you arrive safe.
since I knew you, I was sure in your beleif in the human being rights.
I do not mind at all if you want to forward my mail to any American I
will
try to have as much pictures as I can. Today was the South night
sometimes
people wonder if something will reamin from our country to be Bombard.
People sleep at the Sanaeh Garden , all the schools are full in all
Lebanon
even in the Christian Area Kesrwan and Chouf (Druze Areas) besides some
people stay at their relatives sometimes you can find 10 families in a
small
appartment.
We do need all kind of Help Yesterday they hit 2 big Ambulances of Red
Cross
guess u had seen the pictures, 45% of injured Kids means less than
13years
old.
We do need medecins, food, Water .....
Some people left their houses without even taking their papers and the
houses are completely destroyed means on the level of the earth.
If we look to the faces in Beirut you can read clearly their feelings.
Today Condelissa Rice arrived to Beiut met PM Sanyoura and Berry and
she'll
be meeting the 14 Forces, we hear that it had been prepared since long
time
this war, the true aim is Lebanon not Hizbollah, Actually the strength
of
Hizbollah still the same who lose is the Civilians in everything.
Besides People who were against Hizbollah in Lebanon or see politics in
different way now they are united with Hizbollah 100% everybody is
convinced
that the aim isn't these 2 Israeli Soldiers.
Yestreday the responsable of the United Nations visits the Suburb
(Dahia)
couldn't beleive what he had seen said I do admit it is against
International Law of Human Being.
At the end despite everything we do love our country despite war all
Lebanese aren't afraid from death they said some of them they gonna
kill us
we're not afraid we'll stay home in the South especially.
We invite all responsable in International Red Cross and NGO of the
world to
come and all People fighting for Human rights to come and see how they
had
destroyed our country.
Jano intend to stay but not sure we feel very tired 12 days day and
night
aeroplanes bombarding , killing, distroying, by the way 5 factories
yesterday in Bealbak, 270 houses needs reparation 50 complety
destroyed...
The war lead to more terrorism and phanatism today everyBody is busy
waiting
to know hwo is alive which house had been destryed, but the big SOCIAL
problem will be whem all this stop.
Pray for us maybe God might help more than evrything on this earth.
Regards,
Iman
imanalwan30@hotmail.com
July 24, 2006
Watching Myself on the News
So I saw the 5:00 Ch. 2 News thing they ran last night and the stuff from the phone interview I did from Beirut. At first, I was like, "It's okay." And they even got out my political messages--the evacuation is inhuamne. The US and the West should be held responsible when Israel just goes in and destroys everything after the foreigners leave. There needs to be an immediate ceasefire. It's going to be so bad for the people who don't get evacuated.
But now that I'm thinking about it I just seem like a paranoid freak. I've just been too paranoid and freaking out. It's like embarrassing now. For all my friends, y'all know me and my personality so you understand me, and I don't feel weird abuot y'all. But what kind of distorted message have I put out.
My friends there aren't acting like paranoid freaks. But that's because they fall into two other categories.
One, I'm goign to act as "normal" as I can. And to some extent, be in denial about the reality of the situation.
Two, it's really bad. I need to get the hell out of here. Or if I can't, I'm going to be very, very sad and pretty desperate.
I have friends in both camps.
So they're not all external and freaky about it like me. Which plays really great for the local news.
But either way, it's all bad.
Maybe if I hadn't been so freaked out, my mom wouldn't have gotten so freaked out. And then I could have taken my time coming home.
But she probably would have been freaked out anyways, whether I had been blogging like this or not. . .right?
Staying . . .why am I talking like this? They are trying to get out. The friends in Camp One are the ones who can't.
But now that I'm thinking about it I just seem like a paranoid freak. I've just been too paranoid and freaking out. It's like embarrassing now. For all my friends, y'all know me and my personality so you understand me, and I don't feel weird abuot y'all. But what kind of distorted message have I put out.
My friends there aren't acting like paranoid freaks. But that's because they fall into two other categories.
One, I'm goign to act as "normal" as I can. And to some extent, be in denial about the reality of the situation.
Two, it's really bad. I need to get the hell out of here. Or if I can't, I'm going to be very, very sad and pretty desperate.
I have friends in both camps.
So they're not all external and freaky about it like me. Which plays really great for the local news.
But either way, it's all bad.
Maybe if I hadn't been so freaked out, my mom wouldn't have gotten so freaked out. And then I could have taken my time coming home.
But she probably would have been freaked out anyways, whether I had been blogging like this or not. . .right?
Staying . . .why am I talking like this? They are trying to get out. The friends in Camp One are the ones who can't.
Wafaa is Waiting
So I"m still super tired. I had to stop calling Lebanon because the phone card ran out. Now I remembered skype. So I'm downloading it now. Usually the connection with skype is so crappy, I end up hanging up.
So Wafaa is now waiting for the Canadian Embassy to call her and her husband. Since they're residents of Lebanon, they know they are last priority. Her parents and sister and cousin are home. They called the Embassy who say that they're getting 2,000 people a day.
She sounds confident that they'll get out soon.
She sounds calm. But the says the sounds of the bombing is getting louder. She says that she's worried about food. Staples like flour, rice, are all running out. They had no milk because the Israelis bombed the milk factory. She's happy she's going home. She doesn't know what it's going to be like for everyone who has to stay.
Her husband sounded way more concerned. But at least he was the first person who didn't make me feel crazy. He said he doesn't think these evacuations are safe adn that they could be a target. He actually understood how I felt. And why I decided not to go with the Americans (eventhough it sucks that I paid all that money and YES I found out that I did miss a helicopter ride.) But after three days of postponing it because of security concerns because they were leaking all the information about time, place, etc. I just thought they couldn't guarantee my safety.
And of course he knows it's going to get so bad once these evacuations are over. He's not in denial. He's not trying to be optimistic. He wants to get out.
I'm going back and questioning everything. Now it's hitting me that I won't be able to go back. Lebanon isn't going to give me a tourist visa while a war is going on. What am I going to do in Texas??
But then of course what would I do there? Keep up a dumb blog that some of y'all read, but doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of anything.
They're so happy I'm home.
So Wafaa is now waiting for the Canadian Embassy to call her and her husband. Since they're residents of Lebanon, they know they are last priority. Her parents and sister and cousin are home. They called the Embassy who say that they're getting 2,000 people a day.
She sounds confident that they'll get out soon.
She sounds calm. But the says the sounds of the bombing is getting louder. She says that she's worried about food. Staples like flour, rice, are all running out. They had no milk because the Israelis bombed the milk factory. She's happy she's going home. She doesn't know what it's going to be like for everyone who has to stay.
Her husband sounded way more concerned. But at least he was the first person who didn't make me feel crazy. He said he doesn't think these evacuations are safe adn that they could be a target. He actually understood how I felt. And why I decided not to go with the Americans (eventhough it sucks that I paid all that money and YES I found out that I did miss a helicopter ride.) But after three days of postponing it because of security concerns because they were leaking all the information about time, place, etc. I just thought they couldn't guarantee my safety.
And of course he knows it's going to get so bad once these evacuations are over. He's not in denial. He's not trying to be optimistic. He wants to get out.
I'm going back and questioning everything. Now it's hitting me that I won't be able to go back. Lebanon isn't going to give me a tourist visa while a war is going on. What am I going to do in Texas??
But then of course what would I do there? Keep up a dumb blog that some of y'all read, but doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of anything.
They're so happy I'm home.
Mental Safety vs. Physical Safety
This was a post that's been in my head since before I left, but of course I've been too busy to write it.
But it's really an important one.
The day before I left, Thursday. I was told that morning that we wouldn't leave til the next day. So I was like, I'm getting the hell out of this dorm.
So I called my friend, Muhammad, to meet me at Bliss Street. He pulls up in a car with his friend, and tells me to get in.
Get in!!! A car!! Like actually go somewhere.
So we drove around Beirut. And it looked like Beirut. People were out. People were doing stuff. But much less. Not the usual numbers of people. Most of the streets were pretty empty.
Then we went to the house where he's staying. His friend's. His family went to Jordan. His house in Hrat-Hreik was destroyed. His four little cousins had died the day before in the Bekaa when the house fell on them from an Israeli bomb. He's already lost two brothers from Israeli bombs in the 90's. He's from one of those big Shia families.
(I've been concerned to write about him for security concerns. But now, after talking to that DOD guy, I have a better sense of what's going to jeapordize people or not. I have to assume NSA in reading my e-mails and listening to all my phone conversations. They 've probalby already been doing that for a while. And they probably do that to eveyr American living in Lebanon. Basically, as long as I don't trade secrets or plan terrorist acts, me and my friends are safe.)
The guys told me how they'd been driving around this whole time, taking pictures. They went to the Dahiya and a bomb went off 30m from the car, and the whole car flew into the air. These are 20-somehting guys. They were kind of showing off.
Then I asked Muhammad, "When are you going to Jordan?"
"I'm not. I'm going to keep going to work everyday." Just like Rania, my other friend in Beirut, had said.
"I want to take pictures of the port."
So we went to the port, took pictures, foudn a restaurant that let us climb to the second floor, then we walked to the dock. There was no one on the road. You could hear planes.
"There's no one out. I feel like I'm putting my life in your hands. Trusting you like this."
"Nothing's going to happen," he said.
Then we got to a dock and saw all these people. We took some pictures. But like a dumb ass, I didn't ask them their nationalities.
Then we walked throuhg downtown. Completely empty. Except one restaurant was making a million bag lunches. Probably for hte Canadians or or people waiting to get out on those boats.
Then I called Rania. She's 30, like me, was in Beirut during the war, grew up with that. She was getting out of work and met us in Downtown. So then we drove around. Checked out hte place in Ashrafieyah, wheer they bombed the day before. I had heard and blogged that it was a truck with humanitarian aid, but that was in the Bekaa or somewhere else. This was a big well-digger machine. It was kind of hard to make out and I couldn't really get close enough because it was behind a fence.
So we had lunch. And again I'm a dumb ass because I'm like, Things are going to get bad.
But Rania keeps pointing out the positives, like there was parking space on the street in Ashrafiya and there's no traffic. She says that becaus ethe stores had been preparing for a big summer tourist season they had overstocked. Even if produce runs out, Beirut won't run out of food.
So here's what I realized.
There's Mental Safety and Phyical Safety.
And the Lebanese who stay here and lived during the first war and the other Israeli incursions in their country and those who survive choose Mental Safety over Physical Safety.
Mental Safety is you keep living your life, and you deceive yourself into thinking you will be able to somewhat maintain your normal life. (There is major denial and self-deceptoin here. Because the reality of how bad it will get is too much to take. You have to protect your mind.)
Rania and Muhammad have chose Mental Safety over Physical Safety.
If you stay in a bomb shelter, maybe you will be physically safe, but you will quickly lose your mind. And it is not sustainable for any length of time.
After 36 hours in that AUB dorm which was physically safe (but actually, unlike the last war, no where is going to be physcially safe in Lebanon now), I was losing my mind. It wasn't safe for me to stay there any more. You could see how paranoid I was becoming.
I really felt like I had gotten to the point where I would have stayed and chosen to be Mentally Safe or Physically Safe. Like I would have gone around and taken pictures and done the blogging thing, because I think it's important and would have been the culminateing work of my whole life. Like everything I had ever done got me ready for this moment.
But then I thought about my mom. And that's it. That's why I came back. (I hope I don't start to hate my mom now.)
Or maybe I'm a big liar. Because mentally--it's hard to take the constant buzzing of planes over head and loud bombs that shake all the windows.
But they all say, I would get used to it. I would become like them. At first, it's crazy, but you get used to it. And they all honestly thought I would stay. 4 differnet people expected that I would stay with them in their houses in Beirut, not to mention ALL the people in Aley and Chennai and the Shouf and everywhere else who invited me.
And it was this understanding of Mental Safety vs . Physical Safety that got me to take the over-land journey to Amman.
Because once my mom became the priorit yin my head. And I honestly thought she would land in the hospital very soon. I decided I had to get home ASAP. Muhammad could take me to Jordna and other friends were probalby going home to Syria. So I knew I had ways to go.
But remember Israel was closing off the paths to Syria, and because they bombed those first days, the Lebanese govenrment had been opening up some roads. So roads were cleared, but that meant the Israelis could start bombing at any minute.
And then there was Syria. I heard they were giving Americans a hard time and turning them back at the border. What if things turned for the worse and somebody (like Syrians who are Hizbollah supporters) wanted to capture an American?
The whole time, as you faithful blog readers know, I was completely freaked out and against going anywhere near Syria. I had completely ruled out that option.
But after they told me on Friday that it was postponed again, and having enought time to become paranoid about hte true intentions of the U.S. government, I decided I had to go by myself. I didn't know when or if they would get me out. And my mom was dying.
And again Mental Safety vs. Physical Safety. I was going crazy in that dorm waiting, feeling like a sitting duck. I was losing my mind. Now looking back at it, and seeing I spent $2200 to get home, instead of letting you, U.S. tax payers, pay for it. Maybe that was stupid. And maybe they even got to go out on helicopters. . . Damn, that would have been cool. But still $2200 isn't too much to pay for an intact mind.
I couldn't have stayed there waiting any longer.
And as for physical safety. It's like what Rania says. "I believe in destiny. When it's your time to go, it's your time to go."
I mentioned this before. God is in control. He'll protect me and when it's my time to go, it's my time to go.
I told myself I would be in Amman, Jordan in the next eight hours. And that was it. I ddin't tell the AUB people I snuck out, because if I was turned back at the border and had to high tail it back to AUB I still wanted to be on that supposedly "special" list I was on to be evacuated.
I'll write up the over-land journey later.
But it's really an important one.
The day before I left, Thursday. I was told that morning that we wouldn't leave til the next day. So I was like, I'm getting the hell out of this dorm.
So I called my friend, Muhammad, to meet me at Bliss Street. He pulls up in a car with his friend, and tells me to get in.
Get in!!! A car!! Like actually go somewhere.
So we drove around Beirut. And it looked like Beirut. People were out. People were doing stuff. But much less. Not the usual numbers of people. Most of the streets were pretty empty.
Then we went to the house where he's staying. His friend's. His family went to Jordan. His house in Hrat-Hreik was destroyed. His four little cousins had died the day before in the Bekaa when the house fell on them from an Israeli bomb. He's already lost two brothers from Israeli bombs in the 90's. He's from one of those big Shia families.
(I've been concerned to write about him for security concerns. But now, after talking to that DOD guy, I have a better sense of what's going to jeapordize people or not. I have to assume NSA in reading my e-mails and listening to all my phone conversations. They 've probalby already been doing that for a while. And they probably do that to eveyr American living in Lebanon. Basically, as long as I don't trade secrets or plan terrorist acts, me and my friends are safe.)
During this time, my mom is calling and tripping out. I had just posted that blog about going out, getting mone yfrom the bank (which was no problem), maybe taking some pictures, buying toiletries.
"Where are you?"
"Walking aorund near AUB."
"You need to hurry up and get back to the dorm."
"Yeah, okay." But my mom isn't stupid and she knows me. She knew I was out somewhere.
And then she calls back half an hour later, I was at my friend's house, at that point.
She's hysterical. "Get back to the dorm. Where are you?"
"Close, mom." But that was a big fat lie, because I was at my friend's house. And it was the first time I felt relaxed in a long time. Of course, we were watching disgusting imgaes on Al-Jazeera of what was happening in the South. But still I was with other people--locals--guys I knew from my church, and I just felt so much better.
So I lied to my mom about being close and heading back soon.
The guys told me how they'd been driving around this whole time, taking pictures. They went to the Dahiya and a bomb went off 30m from the car, and the whole car flew into the air. These are 20-somehting guys. They were kind of showing off.
Then I asked Muhammad, "When are you going to Jordan?"
"I'm not. I'm going to keep going to work everyday." Just like Rania, my other friend in Beirut, had said.
"I want to take pictures of the port."
So we went to the port, took pictures, foudn a restaurant that let us climb to the second floor, then we walked to the dock. There was no one on the road. You could hear planes.
"There's no one out. I feel like I'm putting my life in your hands. Trusting you like this."
"Nothing's going to happen," he said.
Then we got to a dock and saw all these people. We took some pictures. But like a dumb ass, I didn't ask them their nationalities.
Then we walked throuhg downtown. Completely empty. Except one restaurant was making a million bag lunches. Probably for hte Canadians or or people waiting to get out on those boats.
Then I called Rania. She's 30, like me, was in Beirut during the war, grew up with that. She was getting out of work and met us in Downtown. So then we drove around. Checked out hte place in Ashrafieyah, wheer they bombed the day before. I had heard and blogged that it was a truck with humanitarian aid, but that was in the Bekaa or somewhere else. This was a big well-digger machine. It was kind of hard to make out and I couldn't really get close enough because it was behind a fence.
So we had lunch. And again I'm a dumb ass because I'm like, Things are going to get bad.
But Rania keeps pointing out the positives, like there was parking space on the street in Ashrafiya and there's no traffic. She says that becaus ethe stores had been preparing for a big summer tourist season they had overstocked. Even if produce runs out, Beirut won't run out of food.
So here's what I realized.
There's Mental Safety and Phyical Safety.
And the Lebanese who stay here and lived during the first war and the other Israeli incursions in their country and those who survive choose Mental Safety over Physical Safety.
Mental Safety is you keep living your life, and you deceive yourself into thinking you will be able to somewhat maintain your normal life. (There is major denial and self-deceptoin here. Because the reality of how bad it will get is too much to take. You have to protect your mind.)
Rania and Muhammad have chose Mental Safety over Physical Safety.
If you stay in a bomb shelter, maybe you will be physically safe, but you will quickly lose your mind. And it is not sustainable for any length of time.
After 36 hours in that AUB dorm which was physically safe (but actually, unlike the last war, no where is going to be physcially safe in Lebanon now), I was losing my mind. It wasn't safe for me to stay there any more. You could see how paranoid I was becoming.
I really felt like I had gotten to the point where I would have stayed and chosen to be Mentally Safe or Physically Safe. Like I would have gone around and taken pictures and done the blogging thing, because I think it's important and would have been the culminateing work of my whole life. Like everything I had ever done got me ready for this moment.
But then I thought about my mom. And that's it. That's why I came back. (I hope I don't start to hate my mom now.)
Or maybe I'm a big liar. Because mentally--it's hard to take the constant buzzing of planes over head and loud bombs that shake all the windows.
But they all say, I would get used to it. I would become like them. At first, it's crazy, but you get used to it. And they all honestly thought I would stay. 4 differnet people expected that I would stay with them in their houses in Beirut, not to mention ALL the people in Aley and Chennai and the Shouf and everywhere else who invited me.
And it was this understanding of Mental Safety vs . Physical Safety that got me to take the over-land journey to Amman.
Because once my mom became the priorit yin my head. And I honestly thought she would land in the hospital very soon. I decided I had to get home ASAP. Muhammad could take me to Jordna and other friends were probalby going home to Syria. So I knew I had ways to go.
But remember Israel was closing off the paths to Syria, and because they bombed those first days, the Lebanese govenrment had been opening up some roads. So roads were cleared, but that meant the Israelis could start bombing at any minute.
And then there was Syria. I heard they were giving Americans a hard time and turning them back at the border. What if things turned for the worse and somebody (like Syrians who are Hizbollah supporters) wanted to capture an American?
The whole time, as you faithful blog readers know, I was completely freaked out and against going anywhere near Syria. I had completely ruled out that option.
But after they told me on Friday that it was postponed again, and having enought time to become paranoid about hte true intentions of the U.S. government, I decided I had to go by myself. I didn't know when or if they would get me out. And my mom was dying.
And again Mental Safety vs. Physical Safety. I was going crazy in that dorm waiting, feeling like a sitting duck. I was losing my mind. Now looking back at it, and seeing I spent $2200 to get home, instead of letting you, U.S. tax payers, pay for it. Maybe that was stupid. And maybe they even got to go out on helicopters. . . Damn, that would have been cool. But still $2200 isn't too much to pay for an intact mind.
I couldn't have stayed there waiting any longer.
And as for physical safety. It's like what Rania says. "I believe in destiny. When it's your time to go, it's your time to go."
I mentioned this before. God is in control. He'll protect me and when it's my time to go, it's my time to go.
I told myself I would be in Amman, Jordan in the next eight hours. And that was it. I ddin't tell the AUB people I snuck out, because if I was turned back at the border and had to high tail it back to AUB I still wanted to be on that supposedly "special" list I was on to be evacuated.
I'll write up the over-land journey later.
Responding to Comments--Losing that Optimism
Thanks for the clarification, classmate. The form letter to your Senator called for sanctions against Israel.
By the way, I'm cutting and pasting a lot of stuff in my e-mail that I'm not even fully reading. But I did read that. And honestly I haven't even really considered the sanctions against Israel thing. I have no comment to that whatsoever.
A land invasion will be a mess for Israel. It would be a reapeat of their "Vietnam" when they invaded Lebanon in 1982. The Israelis don't want anything to do with land combat. They're trying to keep it to the air. And they're pretty precise with their air weapons. They know what they're hitting.
But you're right. What can they do now?? Things are in motion now. Now everyone's trying to protect themselvs and save face.
My God, it just seems more and more desparate. I have to keep the optimisim. I have to. I have to give my friends an optimistic scenario when I talk to them. This isn't about stupid academic analysis. We all know. Lebanon is going to be hell for a long time. It's that reality that's sinking in. And really any ranting on this stupid blog isn't going to change anything.
By the way, I'm cutting and pasting a lot of stuff in my e-mail that I'm not even fully reading. But I did read that. And honestly I haven't even really considered the sanctions against Israel thing. I have no comment to that whatsoever.
A land invasion will be a mess for Israel. It would be a reapeat of their "Vietnam" when they invaded Lebanon in 1982. The Israelis don't want anything to do with land combat. They're trying to keep it to the air. And they're pretty precise with their air weapons. They know what they're hitting.
But you're right. What can they do now?? Things are in motion now. Now everyone's trying to protect themselvs and save face.
My God, it just seems more and more desparate. I have to keep the optimisim. I have to. I have to give my friends an optimistic scenario when I talk to them. This isn't about stupid academic analysis. We all know. Lebanon is going to be hell for a long time. It's that reality that's sinking in. And really any ranting on this stupid blog isn't going to change anything.
E-mail from friend in Beirut--They're so desperate
She's writing to David, who is part of that gruop of Americans who came to Lebanon last year, so it got forwarded to me. Cari is a tour guide. She's a Lebanese of Christian background.
The last time I hung out with her at a bar in Monot, she was leading a tour for Brazilians. We kind of got into a conversation about Palestinians, and I kind of pissed her off. I hadn't seen her in a really long time.
She also went to Amman. She left two days before I did. You know at this time. You don't call everyone in your phone. You're scared you'r e going to run out of units, and then you won't be able to receive calls. And if you can't find a place to buy a phone card, you're screwed. Now, that I'm rested and stuff I have to make ALL the phone calls. But I'm still getting myself together.
Her e-mail is really bad. It makes me want to cry. I hadn't been checking my e-mails. I didn't know she was in Amman. I wouldn't have time to see her anyways.
My friends are desparate.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi David,
I did read your mails before, but of course I couldn'tbe able to answer because of what's hapenning. David , I'm living a nightmare, my country too, ourbrains are not realizing what's going on. David , thesituation is very bad in Lebanon that I had to escape yesterday night to Amman, Jordan. I was about to havea break down, I couldn't handle the sound of the bombs falling next to my bilding. For a week , I couldn'teat and sleep, because I didn't want to beleive thatwar came back again, killing my people, destroying mycountry that I beleived so much in. My anger is bigDavid. I'm sorry to tell you this: I now beleive thatthe devil exsits, I do beleive, and please sorryagaing to tell you these word, and please understand, specialy that I'm angry: the devil that I beleive nowthat exists , that devil is Israel.
Your last sentence of wishing that I can come one dayto Israel made me very upset, but again you understandthese words from a woman who beleive in her countrythat vanished, that is been killed, destroyed, underthe fire.....I wish you are having all the true news:do you know that Israel is using chimical bombs tokill the civilians????? bombs that are forbidden bythe U.N. Did u know that an Israelian helicopterfollowed a truck full of women and children and hitthem with the chimical bombs????, their bodies wereblown and their skin melt....How can we describe themDavid???. Did u know that they hit a lebanese armybase, non fighters departement???, their only duty isto help civilians in the war, 14 innocent lebansee soldiers were killed, when the red cross were there toevacuate the bodies, Israel hit again to kill thepeople of the red cross.....How can we both describeIsrael how???????
My sister had a break down and escaped with bob andthe twins to the north of lebanon. My mom and brotherescaped to the mountain, but my mother so tired inmoving from place to place, specially during our last lebanese war decided to come back to the house, shecan not move any longer. The hizbollah area is fewblocks from our bldg, so at night, the sounds of the Israeli planes and the bombs just make you a crazyperson.
David, I'm here now in Amman safe but watching by country dying, it's like I'm dying too. I have no more tears left, I feel like I wanna make a big revolutionto show the world what a mankind can do, what blackideas can we have, how cruel can we be, how much hatewe have, it's like love had never been born, it's likeJesus had never came to earth....it's like God had never existed....Today I'm sad, today I'm crying, today I'm apart....Where are our prayers for peace left????? where areour prayers for God left??????My family is apart, I lost my country
You will never understand me David, go to Lebanon now and see, then you will change and you will make the change.....
The last time I hung out with her at a bar in Monot, she was leading a tour for Brazilians. We kind of got into a conversation about Palestinians, and I kind of pissed her off. I hadn't seen her in a really long time.
She also went to Amman. She left two days before I did. You know at this time. You don't call everyone in your phone. You're scared you'r e going to run out of units, and then you won't be able to receive calls. And if you can't find a place to buy a phone card, you're screwed. Now, that I'm rested and stuff I have to make ALL the phone calls. But I'm still getting myself together.
Her e-mail is really bad. It makes me want to cry. I hadn't been checking my e-mails. I didn't know she was in Amman. I wouldn't have time to see her anyways.
My friends are desparate.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi David,
I did read your mails before, but of course I couldn'tbe able to answer because of what's hapenning. David , I'm living a nightmare, my country too, ourbrains are not realizing what's going on. David , thesituation is very bad in Lebanon that I had to escape yesterday night to Amman, Jordan. I was about to havea break down, I couldn't handle the sound of the bombs falling next to my bilding. For a week , I couldn'teat and sleep, because I didn't want to beleive thatwar came back again, killing my people, destroying mycountry that I beleived so much in. My anger is bigDavid. I'm sorry to tell you this: I now beleive thatthe devil exsits, I do beleive, and please sorryagaing to tell you these word, and please understand, specialy that I'm angry: the devil that I beleive nowthat exists , that devil is Israel.
Your last sentence of wishing that I can come one dayto Israel made me very upset, but again you understandthese words from a woman who beleive in her countrythat vanished, that is been killed, destroyed, underthe fire.....I wish you are having all the true news:do you know that Israel is using chimical bombs tokill the civilians????? bombs that are forbidden bythe U.N. Did u know that an Israelian helicopterfollowed a truck full of women and children and hitthem with the chimical bombs????, their bodies wereblown and their skin melt....How can we describe themDavid???. Did u know that they hit a lebanese armybase, non fighters departement???, their only duty isto help civilians in the war, 14 innocent lebansee soldiers were killed, when the red cross were there toevacuate the bodies, Israel hit again to kill thepeople of the red cross.....How can we both describeIsrael how???????
My sister had a break down and escaped with bob andthe twins to the north of lebanon. My mom and brotherescaped to the mountain, but my mother so tired inmoving from place to place, specially during our last lebanese war decided to come back to the house, shecan not move any longer. The hizbollah area is fewblocks from our bldg, so at night, the sounds of the Israeli planes and the bombs just make you a crazyperson.
David, I'm here now in Amman safe but watching by country dying, it's like I'm dying too. I have no more tears left, I feel like I wanna make a big revolutionto show the world what a mankind can do, what blackideas can we have, how cruel can we be, how much hatewe have, it's like love had never been born, it's likeJesus had never came to earth....it's like God had never existed....Today I'm sad, today I'm crying, today I'm apart....Where are our prayers for peace left????? where areour prayers for God left??????My family is apart, I lost my country
You will never understand me David, go to Lebanon now and see, then you will change and you will make the change.....
E-mail from my friend in Beirut
An e-mail from my friend in Beirut.
I spend the night at her place a lot when I don't want to go back up to the mountain to Aley.
We went to Khiam together last year.
She's desperate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jano,
Why I haven't heard from u till now, hope u and family well, how was the trip.....I don't know if u follow the news, the Israeli crisiness still remain with more and more violence, yesterday we couldn't sleep in Mar Elias they still Bombard what remain frim Dahia with chemical weapons forbidden internationaly.
Today a lot of bombarding also to Dahieh from sea and areoplane beside of course Saida yesterday night they destroyed big mall, food+clothes+...and factory of clothes.Besides they hit Kesrwan LBC responsable Chediak had been killed, we all NGO made manifestation Silent at Down town they put us on a lot of TV we weren't too many every body feel very depressed wait the end.... Haret Hrek, Bir Abed, mcharafieh,...allDahia like dream on the same level of the ground.
Won't depress u much soryy for these bad news, I write to u near my app. I couldn't go and visit my mum road very dangerous, but called her 2 times on phone, I cooked Makarone with milk (laugh), bought good fruit Hamdellah today found some things....
We ask God to help to stop this stupid war.
Regards,
I spend the night at her place a lot when I don't want to go back up to the mountain to Aley.
We went to Khiam together last year.
She's desperate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jano,
Why I haven't heard from u till now, hope u and family well, how was the trip.....I don't know if u follow the news, the Israeli crisiness still remain with more and more violence, yesterday we couldn't sleep in Mar Elias they still Bombard what remain frim Dahia with chemical weapons forbidden internationaly.
Today a lot of bombarding also to Dahieh from sea and areoplane beside of course Saida yesterday night they destroyed big mall, food+clothes+...and factory of clothes.Besides they hit Kesrwan LBC responsable Chediak had been killed, we all NGO made manifestation Silent at Down town they put us on a lot of TV we weren't too many every body feel very depressed wait the end.... Haret Hrek, Bir Abed, mcharafieh,...allDahia like dream on the same level of the ground.
Won't depress u much soryy for these bad news, I write to u near my app. I couldn't go and visit my mum road very dangerous, but called her 2 times on phone, I cooked Makarone with milk (laugh), bought good fruit Hamdellah today found some things....
We ask God to help to stop this stupid war.
Regards,
Responding to more comments--What's Israel supposed to do??
So there's this one person commenting on the blog who is a Harvard classmate and has been very respectfully challenging me on the way I talk about Israel. I really appreciate this person's comments. I need to find a name for this person. I will make up an alias, but I can't think of one. I would appreciate it, if you would come up with one. It would make the responses easier.
You said I said that I called for sanctions against Israel. Really?? Did I?? I really can't remember doing that at all. That hasn't even crossed my mind?? Can some loyal reader back me up on this?? Or someone please tell me which post Isaid this. Because honestly I don't think I said this at all.
What is Israel to do?? It obviously has a security problem with Hizbollah shooting bombs at it from its border.
Yes, it does.
There's this idea that I talked about in the "More Optimistic Scenario," where basically they clear out the 20 km. of southern Lebanon and set up the International Peacekeeping Force to guard it. That way at least the missiles don't have range to get into Israel.
But actually that's not really a good solution.
Because that's basically been the deal since 2000. I went to Khiam in southern Lebanon last year and I met and talked to these European UNIFIL guys--United Nations Interim Forces in Lebanon. It was obviously weak and didn't do the job.
And Hizbollah will still exist and have even more support because southern Lebanon will still be occupied.
What is Israel to do? Act justly with its neighbors--the Palestinians, the Lebanese, everyone. Play fair. It can't treat its own people, the Palestinians, the way they do. The list of human rights abuses is too long and is known to the whole Arab world, even if Americans don't know. There are still too many Palestinians and about 4-5 Lebanese in Israeli jails.
If Israel wants to protect itself, it has to play fair and act justly. Too much of what it does is wantonly destructive and oppressive. As long as its like this or PERCEIVED like this, it is unsafe.
And the U.S. is making itself more and more unsafe and inviting acts of terrorism against itself by supporting Israel. Yesterday, the news was all about the U.S. sending Israel weapons. How stupid!!! What more clear and open invitation are you giving to those "terrorists" lurking within our borders to destroy another builidng or bomb another subway or whatever.
If Americans fear for thier own safety and want to stop terrorism, they should tell their govenrment to stop supporting Israel and sending them bombs.
Don't they see how this compromises their own safety????
You said I said that I called for sanctions against Israel. Really?? Did I?? I really can't remember doing that at all. That hasn't even crossed my mind?? Can some loyal reader back me up on this?? Or someone please tell me which post Isaid this. Because honestly I don't think I said this at all.
What is Israel to do?? It obviously has a security problem with Hizbollah shooting bombs at it from its border.
Yes, it does.
There's this idea that I talked about in the "More Optimistic Scenario," where basically they clear out the 20 km. of southern Lebanon and set up the International Peacekeeping Force to guard it. That way at least the missiles don't have range to get into Israel.
But actually that's not really a good solution.
Because that's basically been the deal since 2000. I went to Khiam in southern Lebanon last year and I met and talked to these European UNIFIL guys--United Nations Interim Forces in Lebanon. It was obviously weak and didn't do the job.
And Hizbollah will still exist and have even more support because southern Lebanon will still be occupied.
What is Israel to do? Act justly with its neighbors--the Palestinians, the Lebanese, everyone. Play fair. It can't treat its own people, the Palestinians, the way they do. The list of human rights abuses is too long and is known to the whole Arab world, even if Americans don't know. There are still too many Palestinians and about 4-5 Lebanese in Israeli jails.
If Israel wants to protect itself, it has to play fair and act justly. Too much of what it does is wantonly destructive and oppressive. As long as its like this or PERCEIVED like this, it is unsafe.
And the U.S. is making itself more and more unsafe and inviting acts of terrorism against itself by supporting Israel. Yesterday, the news was all about the U.S. sending Israel weapons. How stupid!!! What more clear and open invitation are you giving to those "terrorists" lurking within our borders to destroy another builidng or bomb another subway or whatever.
If Americans fear for thier own safety and want to stop terrorism, they should tell their govenrment to stop supporting Israel and sending them bombs.
Don't they see how this compromises their own safety????
American-Lebanese--Responding to Comment
Comment posted to the blog:
On USA Today's "Americans and Lebanese-Americans"--a poor choice of words. They were probably going for the distinction that the New York Times did better today: "thousands of American tourists and people with dual American and Lebanese citizenship." Just in that visitors will be more clueless and more likely to leave than longtime residents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many of the tourists are Lebanese with dual citizenships: American, Australian, Venezuealan, Nigerian, Brazilian, Canadian, you name it.
Of course, many of the tourists were also from the Gulf. Lebanon is more inviting to Arabs and Muslims who cover than places in Europe. And because Lebanon is beautiful, with amazing places to visit, and great food and dancing and wonderful air. It's a lovely country. I wish more of y'all saw it before. Chrisitine did.
There weren't thousands of American tourists who didn't have Lebanese origins. Those people who are American without Lebanese origins, like me, were more likely to be people working and residing here.
On USA Today's "Americans and Lebanese-Americans"--a poor choice of words. They were probably going for the distinction that the New York Times did better today: "thousands of American tourists and people with dual American and Lebanese citizenship." Just in that visitors will be more clueless and more likely to leave than longtime residents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Many of the tourists are Lebanese with dual citizenships: American, Australian, Venezuealan, Nigerian, Brazilian, Canadian, you name it.
Of course, many of the tourists were also from the Gulf. Lebanon is more inviting to Arabs and Muslims who cover than places in Europe. And because Lebanon is beautiful, with amazing places to visit, and great food and dancing and wonderful air. It's a lovely country. I wish more of y'all saw it before. Chrisitine did.
There weren't thousands of American tourists who didn't have Lebanese origins. Those people who are American without Lebanese origins, like me, were more likely to be people working and residing here.
Deleting Comments??!!???--Techinical Issues with the Blog
I just slept for 9 hours!!!! And last night for 6.
I hadn't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in these past ten days.
I'm going through my e-mail. It seems like someone is accusing me of deleting comments??? Are you crazy??? And again, this is someone who does not know me. The whole purpose of this is to foster dialogue and raise awareness. I didn't delete that crazy person who's been threatening me, so why would I delete someone who disagrees with me or even cuts me down?? Come on. Y'all know me better than that.
The problem is I started messing with the blog yesterday, and seriously jacked it up. I got Matt and Christine working on it, and thank God they brought it back to life.
Someone told me she can't get into the blog sometimes. Comment here if you've had technical problems like that. Like archives not showing up.
Did you notice I added links to other blogs on Lebanon?? And I changed the archive format, so for people new to the blog. They can start at last Wednesday and go through the days. If you guys have any other helpful suggestions, that could make this more user friendly, comment here.
I hadn't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in these past ten days.
I'm going through my e-mail. It seems like someone is accusing me of deleting comments??? Are you crazy??? And again, this is someone who does not know me. The whole purpose of this is to foster dialogue and raise awareness. I didn't delete that crazy person who's been threatening me, so why would I delete someone who disagrees with me or even cuts me down?? Come on. Y'all know me better than that.
The problem is I started messing with the blog yesterday, and seriously jacked it up. I got Matt and Christine working on it, and thank God they brought it back to life.
Someone told me she can't get into the blog sometimes. Comment here if you've had technical problems like that. Like archives not showing up.
Did you notice I added links to other blogs on Lebanon?? And I changed the archive format, so for people new to the blog. They can start at last Wednesday and go through the days. If you guys have any other helpful suggestions, that could make this more user friendly, comment here.
July 23, 2006
Houston Ch. 2 News 5:00 Tonight & Houston Chronicle & Ch. 11 Blog Link
Ch. 2 just came and interviewed me at my house.
Article in the Houston Chronicle:
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/nb/katy/news/4059188.html
So the dorm wasn't deserted.
The official from AUB who put me on the list, I didn't know. She just extended herself for me-- someone she didn't know and had no responsibility for.
I studied Arabic at Harvard. I wouldn't say I learned it, as if I were a fluent speaker or anything like that.
Link to blog on Ch. 11:
http://www.beloblog.com/KHOU_Weather_Watch/archives/2006/07/katy_teacher_bl.html
Article in the Houston Chronicle:
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/nb/katy/news/4059188.html
So the dorm wasn't deserted.
The official from AUB who put me on the list, I didn't know. She just extended herself for me-- someone she didn't know and had no responsibility for.
I studied Arabic at Harvard. I wouldn't say I learned it, as if I were a fluent speaker or anything like that.
Link to blog on Ch. 11:
http://www.beloblog.com/KHOU_Weather_Watch/archives/2006/07/katy_teacher_bl.html
Pictures of the Dahiye
Before, I thought I was going to freak out when I saw the pictures and footage of the Dahiye (southern suburbs of Beirut). I go through the Dahiye on average of twice a week. My bus from Aley goes through there to get to Cola.
But now that I'm back and surfing the Net and flipped through magazines, I've seen the pictures. But I can't really make out where exactly they are. Or maybe it's just that a picture is so small, like it's framed, so I don't get a sense of the space. It's not doing anything to me.
Maybe if I saw a panaroma like a video, it would hit me. I don't know.
When I saw those bombs, Monday night, I was freaking out. But it wasn't because I thought they would hit me in Aley. It was because I knew they were demolishing the Dahiye. All those bombs I heard, very loudly, when I was at the AUB campus, were of the Dahiye. And they haven't completed the destruction yet.
My friend's house in Haret Hreik is destroyed.
Four of his little cousins died in the Bekaa on Thursday. The house fell on top of them after the Israelis bombed it.
But now that I'm back and surfing the Net and flipped through magazines, I've seen the pictures. But I can't really make out where exactly they are. Or maybe it's just that a picture is so small, like it's framed, so I don't get a sense of the space. It's not doing anything to me.
Maybe if I saw a panaroma like a video, it would hit me. I don't know.
When I saw those bombs, Monday night, I was freaking out. But it wasn't because I thought they would hit me in Aley. It was because I knew they were demolishing the Dahiye. All those bombs I heard, very loudly, when I was at the AUB campus, were of the Dahiye. And they haven't completed the destruction yet.
My friend's house in Haret Hreik is destroyed.
Four of his little cousins died in the Bekaa on Thursday. The house fell on top of them after the Israelis bombed it.
http://fromisraeltolebanon.info/-- WITH WARNING
I've received the link to this site from many people in Lebanon. They obviously want the Westerners to see this.
I don't think this is the best way to appeal to Westerners, but I'm spreading the link anyways. So you can get a taste of what people are seeing from the other side.
It's actually just horrible pictures. Please don't go there if you're really sensitive to those things.
I don't think this is the best way to appeal to Westerners, but I'm spreading the link anyways. So you can get a taste of what people are seeing from the other side.
It's actually just horrible pictures. Please don't go there if you're really sensitive to those things.
Sample letter to your Congressperson
This was sent to me from one of the Americans who visited Lebanon last year. You would have to change some stuff around. She also gave directions to sending it to your representatives. Go through the link on the equalmarraige.org website. (Geez, I hope no one get's offended by that.) "it's not hard - you just type in your address and it does it all for you, emails it to the right people."
[Dear Senator, etc]
Please act to halt Israel's wholesale war against Lebanon. Israel isdestroying Lebanon as well as the precarious economic viability it hasstruggled to build since the end of the previous war in 1989.
The actions of Israel since Hezbollah's kidnapping of two Israelisoldiers in Gaza on July 12 have been excessive, punitive, and ingross violation of international law. Despite the biased Westernmedia's minimizing of civilian casualties, direct reports from Lebanonreveal the truth that the Israeli attacks are wholesale, not targetedas we have been led to believe. All of the Lebanese people—whetherChristian, Muslim, or Druze, whether Northern, Southern, orBeiruti—now fear for their life and well-being.
Israel's actions are especially brutal in the light of Lebanon'sprogress toward reconstruction and economic rebirth in recent years.As a visitor to the country in May and June of 2005, I witnessed thebeauty of this rebirth in the wake of the terrible civil war andexperienced the warm hospitality of the Lebanese people. This nationand this people are not expendable. Yet in less than one week, Israelhas all but undone the achievements of sixteen years.
Sad to say, Israel's exaggerated response to a kidnapping will only dothat country damage among neighbors whose hostility is already—andnow, one begins to suspect, justifiably—great. This is especiallytragic in the case of Lebanon, which boasts of eighteen religiousconfessions, including several Christian denominations which havehistorically been well disposed toward the West and its allies.Lebanon, as a moderate country among the Arab nations, ought to havebeen wooed by Israel and the U.S. Instead, it has been made the pawnof Arab and Western nations alike.
Unfortunately, the Bush Administration's own hawkish ideology and pervasive disrespect for the Arab world have encouraged Israel's excesses. It is certain that without assurance of American support Israel would not have initiated this sweeping attack upon Lebanon. It is therefore our responsibility as Americans to see that limits are imposed upon Israeli aggression against the Lebanese.
I ask you to call for an immediate ceasefire and for U.N. sanctions upon Israel for its acts against Lebanon.
[Dear Senator, etc]
Please act to halt Israel's wholesale war against Lebanon. Israel isdestroying Lebanon as well as the precarious economic viability it hasstruggled to build since the end of the previous war in 1989.
The actions of Israel since Hezbollah's kidnapping of two Israelisoldiers in Gaza on July 12 have been excessive, punitive, and ingross violation of international law. Despite the biased Westernmedia's minimizing of civilian casualties, direct reports from Lebanonreveal the truth that the Israeli attacks are wholesale, not targetedas we have been led to believe. All of the Lebanese people—whetherChristian, Muslim, or Druze, whether Northern, Southern, orBeiruti—now fear for their life and well-being.
Israel's actions are especially brutal in the light of Lebanon'sprogress toward reconstruction and economic rebirth in recent years.As a visitor to the country in May and June of 2005, I witnessed thebeauty of this rebirth in the wake of the terrible civil war andexperienced the warm hospitality of the Lebanese people. This nationand this people are not expendable. Yet in less than one week, Israelhas all but undone the achievements of sixteen years.
Sad to say, Israel's exaggerated response to a kidnapping will only dothat country damage among neighbors whose hostility is already—andnow, one begins to suspect, justifiably—great. This is especiallytragic in the case of Lebanon, which boasts of eighteen religiousconfessions, including several Christian denominations which havehistorically been well disposed toward the West and its allies.Lebanon, as a moderate country among the Arab nations, ought to havebeen wooed by Israel and the U.S. Instead, it has been made the pawnof Arab and Western nations alike.
Unfortunately, the Bush Administration's own hawkish ideology and pervasive disrespect for the Arab world have encouraged Israel's excesses. It is certain that without assurance of American support Israel would not have initiated this sweeping attack upon Lebanon. It is therefore our responsibility as Americans to see that limits are imposed upon Israeli aggression against the Lebanese.
I ask you to call for an immediate ceasefire and for U.N. sanctions upon Israel for its acts against Lebanon.
E-mail from local hiking group--if you want to donate money to local aid groups
This group, Esprit Nomade, organizes hiking excursions throughout Lebanon every weekend. I'm on their mailing list. This is a local organization trying to get locals to help. You might feel more comfortable donating money to organizations that are more local.
-----------------------------------------------
Dearest nomads,
Sorry for sending you 2 emails in 1 week, but...Israel is escalating its blind agression against civilians, ignoring all basic human rights.Warnings were issued today to evacuate ALL villages to the South of the Litani river (probably land invasion in preparation?)This makes a lot of villages (!!!), and will result in more displaced civilians heading towards Beirut & north Lebanon.Time for solidarity with those Lebanese from the South who suffered during so many years, and now lost everything.
Some options for those wishing to help...1) Donate money to NGOs (details below)2) Provide supplies (details below)3) Volounteer in any NGO or school hosting displaced4) Encourage your friends to actFinally, thanks to the many "nomads" who reacted to the previous mail, showing so much compassion and promising to help and donate. Special thanks to the non-lebanese sending encouragements and donations from abroad.Thank you for your sunny spirit!
=== NGOs needing help ============================
1) LEBANESE RED CROSSphone: 140account holder: LEBANESE RED CROSSbank: AUDI BANKbranch: BAB IDRISSAccount number: 841500SWIFT: AUDBLBBXor http://www.cicr.org/donation
2) FARAh EL AATA (OFFRE JOIE)mobile: (+961) 3 719 579address: nazaret school and sagesse schoolclemenceau streetbeirutaccount holder: FARAH EL AATA (OFFRE JOIE) account number: 586 816bank: AUDI BANKSWIFT: AUDBLBBX
3) SOCIETE SAINT VINCENT DE PAULContacts: jad.bitar@hec.ca or joanne@karkour.comAccount holder: Société de Saint-Vincent de Paul Bank: Banque Audi Account number: US$: 088587/461/002/009/39 SWIFT : AUDBLBBX
4) Caritas LibanTel: 01/499767- 01/483305E-Mail: executive@caritas.org.lbWebsite: www.caritas.org.lb
To donate:Banque Nationale de Paris Intercontinentale(BNPI)Compte en $ ou L.L : 136,932,001,24Société Générale de Banque au Liban (SGBL)Compte en $: 001,004,360,208002,01,1Compte en L.L.: 001,001,360,208002,01,6Banque Libano Française (BLF)Compte en $: 215974,70Compte en L.L.: 215974,70FransabankCompte en $ : 327924,85Compte en L.L.: 327924,85
=== Needed supplies =======================
1) FOOD (Priority)Pasta (Spaghetti) Flour Bread Rice Sugar Oil Canned Food Powder Milk Cereals (lentils, beans, peas, …) Pasteurized cheese (picon, smeds….) WATER
2) UTILITIESBlankets Sleeping Mats (PRIORITY)Cooking pots Dish Metal spoon Mug Cookers Gas containers Candles Matches
3) HYGIENESoap Bar Multi-purpose detergent Sanitary towels for women Toilet paper Soft tissues Diapers for children from 0-2 years old Toothpaste Toothbrush Shampoo
4) MEDICALMulti-vitamins Iron Multi-purpose analgesic (Panadol, Tylenol) Sterile bandages Alcohol Mercurochrome Bandages Antiseptic lotion
-----------------------------------------------
Dearest nomads,
Sorry for sending you 2 emails in 1 week, but...Israel is escalating its blind agression against civilians, ignoring all basic human rights.Warnings were issued today to evacuate ALL villages to the South of the Litani river (probably land invasion in preparation?)This makes a lot of villages (!!!), and will result in more displaced civilians heading towards Beirut & north Lebanon.Time for solidarity with those Lebanese from the South who suffered during so many years, and now lost everything.
Some options for those wishing to help...1) Donate money to NGOs (details below)2) Provide supplies (details below)3) Volounteer in any NGO or school hosting displaced4) Encourage your friends to actFinally, thanks to the many "nomads" who reacted to the previous mail, showing so much compassion and promising to help and donate. Special thanks to the non-lebanese sending encouragements and donations from abroad.Thank you for your sunny spirit!
=== NGOs needing help ============================
1) LEBANESE RED CROSSphone: 140account holder: LEBANESE RED CROSSbank: AUDI BANKbranch: BAB IDRISSAccount number: 841500SWIFT: AUDBLBBXor http://www.cicr.org/donation
2) FARAh EL AATA (OFFRE JOIE)mobile: (+961) 3 719 579address: nazaret school and sagesse schoolclemenceau streetbeirutaccount holder: FARAH EL AATA (OFFRE JOIE) account number: 586 816bank: AUDI BANKSWIFT: AUDBLBBX
3) SOCIETE SAINT VINCENT DE PAULContacts: jad.bitar@hec.ca or joanne@karkour.comAccount holder: Société de Saint-Vincent de Paul Bank: Banque Audi Account number: US$: 088587/461/002/009/39 SWIFT : AUDBLBBX
4) Caritas LibanTel: 01/499767- 01/483305E-Mail: executive@caritas.org.lbWebsite: www.caritas.org.lb
To donate:Banque Nationale de Paris Intercontinentale(BNPI)Compte en $ ou L.L : 136,932,001,24Société Générale de Banque au Liban (SGBL)Compte en $: 001,004,360,208002,01,1Compte en L.L.: 001,001,360,208002,01,6Banque Libano Française (BLF)Compte en $: 215974,70Compte en L.L.: 215974,70FransabankCompte en $ : 327924,85Compte en L.L.: 327924,85
=== Needed supplies =======================
1) FOOD (Priority)Pasta (Spaghetti) Flour Bread Rice Sugar Oil Canned Food Powder Milk Cereals (lentils, beans, peas, …) Pasteurized cheese (picon, smeds….) WATER
2) UTILITIESBlankets Sleeping Mats (PRIORITY)Cooking pots Dish Metal spoon Mug Cookers Gas containers Candles Matches
3) HYGIENESoap Bar Multi-purpose detergent Sanitary towels for women Toilet paper Soft tissues Diapers for children from 0-2 years old Toothpaste Toothbrush Shampoo
4) MEDICALMulti-vitamins Iron Multi-purpose analgesic (Panadol, Tylenol) Sterile bandages Alcohol Mercurochrome Bandages Antiseptic lotion
Comment from CNN
Hi Jane,This is Jill from CNN. Sorry you got something different from our conversation. I was very taken with your story and shared the whole thing with everyone in our meeting. Your words were heard. I've emailed you since and hope that you return safe and sound.By the way, our images are all real. Our reporters go through war training before being sent out to war zones like that. We take this very seriously and try to get as many images out to our viewers as possible.Thanks again for taking the time to talk to me!Jill
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So now that I'm on such an optimistic streak, should I give CNN some credit? Maybe. But until they stop being so biased in their coverage. Or just showing stupid images of Marines carrying kids and luggage instead of bombs being constantly dropped in Nababity and Baalback, I'll continue to think they suck. Actually, I think they suck because I don't think their information is true and that those Masons-who-control-the-world use CNN to make money. Yeah, I'm not changing my stance on that. . .unless someone can present a good argument otherwise.
But hey, you all know, I still don't watch enough TV to really evaluate them. In Amman, I got to see Al-Jazeera, a lot of disgusting images of maimed children, and people screaming next to their demolished houses, and mass graves and even body parts. I don't know if they could compete with Marines "rescuing" Americans.
It seems like some of these U.S. media images of American evacuees were showing covered Muslims. I noticed that a caption of a photo in USA Today said "Americans and Lebanese-Americans . . .". What is that supposed to mean? A Lebanese-American isn't an American????
A Lebanese-American student at AUB really tipped me off to this spin in the coverage, claiming the US hasn't gotten its act together because most of these Americans they're saving aren't "real" Americans, but Arab-Americans. . . Keep your eye out for this.
So it doesn't look like Jill wants anything else to do with me. But I did get an e-mail from a CNN guy who wanted to do a video-conference with me on Sunday.
Diana said the Houston media wanted to meet me at the airport, but my mom and sister said no. They thought I would be a little emotionally unstable. I think they made a good call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
So now that I'm on such an optimistic streak, should I give CNN some credit? Maybe. But until they stop being so biased in their coverage. Or just showing stupid images of Marines carrying kids and luggage instead of bombs being constantly dropped in Nababity and Baalback, I'll continue to think they suck. Actually, I think they suck because I don't think their information is true and that those Masons-who-control-the-world use CNN to make money. Yeah, I'm not changing my stance on that. . .unless someone can present a good argument otherwise.
But hey, you all know, I still don't watch enough TV to really evaluate them. In Amman, I got to see Al-Jazeera, a lot of disgusting images of maimed children, and people screaming next to their demolished houses, and mass graves and even body parts. I don't know if they could compete with Marines "rescuing" Americans.
It seems like some of these U.S. media images of American evacuees were showing covered Muslims. I noticed that a caption of a photo in USA Today said "Americans and Lebanese-Americans . . .". What is that supposed to mean? A Lebanese-American isn't an American????
A Lebanese-American student at AUB really tipped me off to this spin in the coverage, claiming the US hasn't gotten its act together because most of these Americans they're saving aren't "real" Americans, but Arab-Americans. . . Keep your eye out for this.
So it doesn't look like Jill wants anything else to do with me. But I did get an e-mail from a CNN guy who wanted to do a video-conference with me on Sunday.
Diana said the Houston media wanted to meet me at the airport, but my mom and sister said no. They thought I would be a little emotionally unstable. I think they made a good call.
A more optimistic scenario
Yes, I hate the media, but some things are okay.
I like the Europe News. And I liked The Economist's analysis. I've been such a big fan of The Economist for so long, I was nervous to read what they would say. I knew it would make me question everything I thought about everything if I discovered that the Economist was all bullshit.
But it wasn't. The analsysis was good. The mainstream American media is crap. And this isn't a surprise to any of us. Because those people who own it are making a lot of money. I will stand by my conspiracy theories of those Mason, secret society, old-boys networks who control the world, by controlling the media, to make us scared, to make us buy expensive weapons and jails (I haven't gone there yet, that deserves its own space, but not now) and beauty products (a la Marilyn Manson in Bowling for Columbine), to ultimately make themselves very rich.
On the 11-hour flight (!!!!) from Frankfurt to Houston, I sat next to a guy who works for the U.S. Deparment of Defense. (Are there still people out there who don't believe in God, and still think there is such a thing as coincidence? The girl on the other side--yeah I was in the middle--is Lebanese and down with that whole community in Houston--another God hook-up.)
After talking to him, I felt way more reassured and more confident about the good intentions of my government. Even though I still think they're ignorant, just like me being "uneducated," "confused," "naive" and "misinformed." I mean, hey as long as we're good-hearted and really trying our best, what more can we ask.
This was a good guy. And there are many other great people participating in this blog commentary. I said this before, but even if we're all misinformed, the intentions are good.
So he said what they're going to do is secure those 20-30 km. south of the Litani River with an internatioanl-peacekeeping force. Israel has to do this because of the missiles being fired. If Israel backs off of this, let's destroy and end Hizbollah for good rhetoric, then there is hope.
Israel really has to back off of that we have to destroy Hizbollah rhetoric. And it will. It has to. Because they know there is no way to end Hizbollah. Bring it into the mainstream political arena (which it already is in Lebanon. They are a party with members of Parliament.) If Israel vows to destroy Hizbollah, my God, this thing will never end, and being what it is, being a grassroots militia, it will only get stronger. But of course, Israel isn't stupid and knows this. Prime Minster Olmert is just saving face, trying to look strong since he doesn't have that military background.
And as for my doomsday scenario about the Americans wanting to occupy. Okay, no. The guy convinced me the U.S. just really can't afford it, which again we all know. And being an election year, showing the miliatary in a positive light as heros who rescue can take some of the attention from Iraq. The US was just capitalizng on the situation, not creating it.
So if Israel will back down once they've secured that border area and they allow for a cease fire, then the rebuilding can start.
This is where the pessimism creeps back in. It will take at the very least--years--for the economy to recover. And as things get worse, and food and supplies become short, sectarian violence will resurge. I know that just from talking to my friend. Non-Shia people in Lebanon are blaming the Hizbollah. The PSP (the Druze party) in Aley is helping the homeless Shia people. And Walid Jumblatt has said that the Druze have to pull together to help their Shia neighbors. Hopefully this will happen.
But as things get worse, of if God forbid, Israel continues. Then Aley (my village) will become a potential victim of Israeli air raids, becasue now that there are over 1000 newcomers, they could be considered a meeting headquarters for Hizbulloh operations. Everywhere in the country could be considered this. The whole country is fair game for Israelf to bomb now.
Daaag. I'm going back to dooms-day scenarios. I can try to be in denial or try to think of a decent way for this thing to end (like those Lebanese who have no choice but to stay), but in my heart-of-hearts, I don't think it's there.
I like the Europe News. And I liked The Economist's analysis. I've been such a big fan of The Economist for so long, I was nervous to read what they would say. I knew it would make me question everything I thought about everything if I discovered that the Economist was all bullshit.
But it wasn't. The analsysis was good. The mainstream American media is crap. And this isn't a surprise to any of us. Because those people who own it are making a lot of money. I will stand by my conspiracy theories of those Mason, secret society, old-boys networks who control the world, by controlling the media, to make us scared, to make us buy expensive weapons and jails (I haven't gone there yet, that deserves its own space, but not now) and beauty products (a la Marilyn Manson in Bowling for Columbine), to ultimately make themselves very rich.
On the 11-hour flight (!!!!) from Frankfurt to Houston, I sat next to a guy who works for the U.S. Deparment of Defense. (Are there still people out there who don't believe in God, and still think there is such a thing as coincidence? The girl on the other side--yeah I was in the middle--is Lebanese and down with that whole community in Houston--another God hook-up.)
After talking to him, I felt way more reassured and more confident about the good intentions of my government. Even though I still think they're ignorant, just like me being "uneducated," "confused," "naive" and "misinformed." I mean, hey as long as we're good-hearted and really trying our best, what more can we ask.
This was a good guy. And there are many other great people participating in this blog commentary. I said this before, but even if we're all misinformed, the intentions are good.
So he said what they're going to do is secure those 20-30 km. south of the Litani River with an internatioanl-peacekeeping force. Israel has to do this because of the missiles being fired. If Israel backs off of this, let's destroy and end Hizbollah for good rhetoric, then there is hope.
Israel really has to back off of that we have to destroy Hizbollah rhetoric. And it will. It has to. Because they know there is no way to end Hizbollah. Bring it into the mainstream political arena (which it already is in Lebanon. They are a party with members of Parliament.) If Israel vows to destroy Hizbollah, my God, this thing will never end, and being what it is, being a grassroots militia, it will only get stronger. But of course, Israel isn't stupid and knows this. Prime Minster Olmert is just saving face, trying to look strong since he doesn't have that military background.
And as for my doomsday scenario about the Americans wanting to occupy. Okay, no. The guy convinced me the U.S. just really can't afford it, which again we all know. And being an election year, showing the miliatary in a positive light as heros who rescue can take some of the attention from Iraq. The US was just capitalizng on the situation, not creating it.
So if Israel will back down once they've secured that border area and they allow for a cease fire, then the rebuilding can start.
This is where the pessimism creeps back in. It will take at the very least--years--for the economy to recover. And as things get worse, and food and supplies become short, sectarian violence will resurge. I know that just from talking to my friend. Non-Shia people in Lebanon are blaming the Hizbollah. The PSP (the Druze party) in Aley is helping the homeless Shia people. And Walid Jumblatt has said that the Druze have to pull together to help their Shia neighbors. Hopefully this will happen.
But as things get worse, of if God forbid, Israel continues. Then Aley (my village) will become a potential victim of Israeli air raids, becasue now that there are over 1000 newcomers, they could be considered a meeting headquarters for Hizbulloh operations. Everywhere in the country could be considered this. The whole country is fair game for Israelf to bomb now.
Daaag. I'm going back to dooms-day scenarios. I can try to be in denial or try to think of a decent way for this thing to end (like those Lebanese who have no choice but to stay), but in my heart-of-hearts, I don't think it's there.
Responding to Comments--Why we can't Wait
Yes, I'm back. Thank you, Jesus.
God brought me home with all your prayers. Knowing that I had prayer-power behind me got me through everything. I can't thank you all enough.
I actually took notes during the whole adventure home and will get to writing it up later. But since I can't sleep, I, like some kind of sick addict, found my way to the computer and started reading.
I like the last comment to the "Paranoid" entry. I am using this as a "political forum," I guess. This person thinks I'm "trying to organize actions against Israel." Hmm. I'm not trying to organize violence against or destruction of anyone, including Israel. And that nice, imagine you were born in 1976 (like me) scenario was really what I had done many days ago when I of course offended all this people by saying Israelis are experiences psychosis with psychotic features. I had to edit that to say Israeli foreign policy. But it seems to me you reiterated (even though you did it much clearer and better than me) a point that I had already made.
So if you mean advocating a cease-fire is organizing "actions against Israel". Then yes, I'm advocating for an immediate cease-fire. Because again, I'm not talking about Israel or the Israeli people in general. You know by now, I'm a humanitarian who holds every human life equally. But if you mean Israel, as the policy of its government, then yes I'm against it and organizing actions against, which is calling for an immediate ceasefire. Not this, next week when Condoleeza Rice feels like getting there, let's see how much destruction Israel can to do while we kind of talk about real negotiation BS.
NOW.
What Israel is doing is bad. Even though their official line is that they are trying to stop Hizbollah by going after the major transportation lines, etc, this is not true.
Here are some excerpts from a press release from Caritas Internationalis, that describes itself as a "confederation of 162 Catholic relief, development and social service organisations".
http://www.caritas.org/jumpNews.asp?idLang=ENG&idChannel=35&idUser=0&idNews=4264
Vatican City, 20 July 2006 – Caritas Lebanon says it is providing aid and every possible kind of assistance to more than 25,000 people throughout the country, which has been coming under wholesale and indiscriminate attack from Israel, even in remote areas thought of as safe from the military onslaught.
“Practically every one of the Lebanese regions is being bombarded,” Caritas said in a press statement. “Even the regions that were considered sheltered from aggression have become targets.”
“The Israeli Army is making the situation even worse for Lebanese civilians by targeting warehouses and factories,” said Caritas. “In fact, food storage houses in particular have become the target of Israeli reprisals. A big milk factory in the Bekaa region called “Liban Lait” was completely burned and destroyed by direct attacks from the Israeli Air Force. A food storehouse called “TransMed” in Choueifate, in Beirut’s southern suburbs, was totally destroyed.”
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But of course, what Hizbollah is doing, is disgusting as well. Now, I don't know why the American media isn't all over this. But many, and I want to say a majority, of the people who live in northern Israel are Palestinians.
That popped into my head when they said the northern Galilee region and I remembered a friend of mine who's Palestinian whose family is from there. That made me think, but I didn't do any investigation about this. (I was kind of busy and focusing on other things.)
But on the Lufthansa flight, they showed the Europe News, which I get in Lebanon. They claim to be completely independent. I was actually fine with their coverage. It didn't make me want to barf like the USA Today I saw, or the Time and Newsweek I glanced at, or the cnn.com that I had been checking.
The Europe News showed all the Palestinian people who were suffereing from Hizbollah raids. Of course, these people have their own reasons to criticize their (Israeli) government. The governemnt hasn't provided them bomb shelters or issued those loud sirens to warn people, like the they've done for their non-Israeli population.
And how can it not make me sick that as a "terrorist militia" they do hide in with the civilians? Israel does have to get civilians to get Hizbullah. But a milk factory, a food warehouse, and trucks carrying humanitarian aid??
I don't know. Should I trust that Israel honestly thinks these things are a threat to their security?
Or should I think they had bad intelligence and didn't realize what they really were? No. Israel knows everything. I'm assuming that Israeli intelligence is VERY good. They knew they were bombing a milk factory. And considering that they know there's a humanitarian crisis, it doesn't seem like they can justify that.
It's war. All sides are fighting. They are all to blame.
There needs to be a cease-fire now. And my country is to blame for every single moment they put this off.
And watch how long they keep pushing this off.
MLK, Jr., in a "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" very eloquently talks about how justice delayed is no justice. He talks about "Why we can't wait." I don't have my books here. I would love for someone to pull out those great quotes about how the Negro has been told to Wait, to Wait. And how Someday means Never.
Every moment the U.S. government sits on its ass and keeps talking BS and does nothing is their participating in and supporting a humanitarian disaster.
It was this being told to wait some more that made me abandon the American plan to evacuate me. When I showed up at the predetermined time and place on Friday and was told it was postponed til tomorrow (the third time), I snapped and said screw it, I'm not gong to wait here like a sitting duck and wait for these people to get their shit together. That's why I just snuck out of the dorm, and didn't tell any of them what I was doing.
God brought me home with all your prayers. Knowing that I had prayer-power behind me got me through everything. I can't thank you all enough.
I actually took notes during the whole adventure home and will get to writing it up later. But since I can't sleep, I, like some kind of sick addict, found my way to the computer and started reading.
I like the last comment to the "Paranoid" entry. I am using this as a "political forum," I guess. This person thinks I'm "trying to organize actions against Israel." Hmm. I'm not trying to organize violence against or destruction of anyone, including Israel. And that nice, imagine you were born in 1976 (like me) scenario was really what I had done many days ago when I of course offended all this people by saying Israelis are experiences psychosis with psychotic features. I had to edit that to say Israeli foreign policy. But it seems to me you reiterated (even though you did it much clearer and better than me) a point that I had already made.
So if you mean advocating a cease-fire is organizing "actions against Israel". Then yes, I'm advocating for an immediate cease-fire. Because again, I'm not talking about Israel or the Israeli people in general. You know by now, I'm a humanitarian who holds every human life equally. But if you mean Israel, as the policy of its government, then yes I'm against it and organizing actions against, which is calling for an immediate ceasefire. Not this, next week when Condoleeza Rice feels like getting there, let's see how much destruction Israel can to do while we kind of talk about real negotiation BS.
NOW.
What Israel is doing is bad. Even though their official line is that they are trying to stop Hizbollah by going after the major transportation lines, etc, this is not true.
Here are some excerpts from a press release from Caritas Internationalis, that describes itself as a "confederation of 162 Catholic relief, development and social service organisations".
http://www.caritas.org/jumpNews.asp?idLang=ENG&idChannel=35&idUser=0&idNews=4264
Vatican City, 20 July 2006 – Caritas Lebanon says it is providing aid and every possible kind of assistance to more than 25,000 people throughout the country, which has been coming under wholesale and indiscriminate attack from Israel, even in remote areas thought of as safe from the military onslaught.
“Practically every one of the Lebanese regions is being bombarded,” Caritas said in a press statement. “Even the regions that were considered sheltered from aggression have become targets.”
“The Israeli Army is making the situation even worse for Lebanese civilians by targeting warehouses and factories,” said Caritas. “In fact, food storage houses in particular have become the target of Israeli reprisals. A big milk factory in the Bekaa region called “Liban Lait” was completely burned and destroyed by direct attacks from the Israeli Air Force. A food storehouse called “TransMed” in Choueifate, in Beirut’s southern suburbs, was totally destroyed.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But of course, what Hizbollah is doing, is disgusting as well. Now, I don't know why the American media isn't all over this. But many, and I want to say a majority, of the people who live in northern Israel are Palestinians.
That popped into my head when they said the northern Galilee region and I remembered a friend of mine who's Palestinian whose family is from there. That made me think, but I didn't do any investigation about this. (I was kind of busy and focusing on other things.)
But on the Lufthansa flight, they showed the Europe News, which I get in Lebanon. They claim to be completely independent. I was actually fine with their coverage. It didn't make me want to barf like the USA Today I saw, or the Time and Newsweek I glanced at, or the cnn.com that I had been checking.
The Europe News showed all the Palestinian people who were suffereing from Hizbollah raids. Of course, these people have their own reasons to criticize their (Israeli) government. The governemnt hasn't provided them bomb shelters or issued those loud sirens to warn people, like the they've done for their non-Israeli population.
And how can it not make me sick that as a "terrorist militia" they do hide in with the civilians? Israel does have to get civilians to get Hizbullah. But a milk factory, a food warehouse, and trucks carrying humanitarian aid??
I don't know. Should I trust that Israel honestly thinks these things are a threat to their security?
Or should I think they had bad intelligence and didn't realize what they really were? No. Israel knows everything. I'm assuming that Israeli intelligence is VERY good. They knew they were bombing a milk factory. And considering that they know there's a humanitarian crisis, it doesn't seem like they can justify that.
It's war. All sides are fighting. They are all to blame.
There needs to be a cease-fire now. And my country is to blame for every single moment they put this off.
And watch how long they keep pushing this off.
MLK, Jr., in a "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" very eloquently talks about how justice delayed is no justice. He talks about "Why we can't wait." I don't have my books here. I would love for someone to pull out those great quotes about how the Negro has been told to Wait, to Wait. And how Someday means Never.
Every moment the U.S. government sits on its ass and keeps talking BS and does nothing is their participating in and supporting a humanitarian disaster.
It was this being told to wait some more that made me abandon the American plan to evacuate me. When I showed up at the predetermined time and place on Friday and was told it was postponed til tomorrow (the third time), I snapped and said screw it, I'm not gong to wait here like a sitting duck and wait for these people to get their shit together. That's why I just snuck out of the dorm, and didn't tell any of them what I was doing.
July 21, 2006
Jane is in Amman, Jordan
So, since Jane always thinks outside the box, she decided to make her way to Amman, Jordan. She arrived there a while ago and is in a hotel close to the airport. She should be arriving in Houston sometime tomorrow. I am sure she will post as soon as she can.
Diana
Diana
Paranoia
Don't worry I'm not going to be telling everyone as we're loading the ship. "Don't Go. They're going to bomb it."
I know this is my theory. And I won't create pandemonium. And anyways I don't want them to put me in a mental institution, which they could very well do because I would be jeapordizing everyone's safety.
I'm so melodramatic. I mean really this whole thing is like my imagination running wild. Going through every possible scenario.
Maybe this blog will better be used as a psychological study of someone under stress.
But don't worry. I'm not making up anything. I'm sure a ton of information is not true. But I can't worry about that. What the hell is true?? I'm just saying what I'm hearing and thinking.
I am worried about doing press interviews and them twisting what I say. But then again, I hope that anyone reading this blog, now has a sense of who I am and how I speak and what I think. And maybe you guys will even be able to pick up on how the press will massacre what I say.
I'm actually not stressed. I did a 2 minute sitting at the wall, legs crossed, deep breathing.
Why haven't I been taking deep breathing breaks all along? I'm so stupid. Okay, learning from my mistake. I will take deep-breathing breaks regularly, whenever I get the chance.
Have to maintain my sanity.
I know this is my theory. And I won't create pandemonium. And anyways I don't want them to put me in a mental institution, which they could very well do because I would be jeapordizing everyone's safety.
I'm so melodramatic. I mean really this whole thing is like my imagination running wild. Going through every possible scenario.
Maybe this blog will better be used as a psychological study of someone under stress.
But don't worry. I'm not making up anything. I'm sure a ton of information is not true. But I can't worry about that. What the hell is true?? I'm just saying what I'm hearing and thinking.
I am worried about doing press interviews and them twisting what I say. But then again, I hope that anyone reading this blog, now has a sense of who I am and how I speak and what I think. And maybe you guys will even be able to pick up on how the press will massacre what I say.
I'm actually not stressed. I did a 2 minute sitting at the wall, legs crossed, deep breathing.
Why haven't I been taking deep breathing breaks all along? I'm so stupid. Okay, learning from my mistake. I will take deep-breathing breaks regularly, whenever I get the chance.
Have to maintain my sanity.
The Shia are everywhere--Israel has carte blance for all of Lebanon
They walked into AUB and were like, "Hmm. Should we call our (European) embassy and get out?" A brother and sister. The sister was like, "I'm not leavign. My family is here. I'm not leaving Lebanon to be destroyed by Israel. My mom's not leaving either."
"So you're protesting by staying. You think they carry about your life. That your protest is going to stop anything."
"My family is here. I have to stay." Of course, that's an argument that is more than valid and can't be argued with.
But the brother was like. . ."What do I do?"
"Go to your embassy right now," I'm bossign him around, like the high school teacher that I am. "Get your family to call anyone with wasta to make sure you're on the next boat. . . Do you have your passport on you?"
And we talked so more. And I was like, "Allah ma3ak." And it was a very heartfelt interaction. They knew that I'm going out with the Americans.
Last night, I was walking in Hamra with a Lebanese friend. We ran into these kids. I stopped to talk to them. But my friend walked away, and waited a couple feet away, sort of looking away.
I was lookign at him, like Come here, say hi to these guys, I know them. I mean you're being kind of rude.
And I was like What idd you decide. The boy is definatly trying to leave.
And then we were saying what we think is going to happen. They were saying how Hizbollah was stronger than eveyrone thinks. They've got crazy, new weapons no one has seen. Isreal can't just end them in a week. It will take much longer. Israelis know this and are scaerd. Everybody knows they can get Tel Aviv right now. But they have these special hidden weapons that Iserarel cna't detect. (Israle has a right to defend herself.)
"Already we're winning. The Israelis are getting pushed back from the South. They've blown up planes [and other stuff but I don't remember what he said."
"We?" I was honestly confused. And had that Jane-is-confused look. You all know this look.
"The Lebnese," h said quickly. And then continued the conversation.
We said Allah Ma3ek again in the most friendly sweet way. And I pray they go out with their Embassy.
By the way I heard the Dutch embassy abandoned ship on Thrusdya maybe and left all their people here.
So I went bakc to my friend and he was like, "Those Hizbullah fuckers." He's DRuze.
And I was like, OOOOOOHHHHHHH. Am I so dumb?? I mean, they're with Hizboallah. I guess they're Shia.
And then it just hit me. The Shia are everywhere, which equals to Isrel, Hizballah are everywhere. And it's true. Not even the sacred AUB is safe. I've been told to keep whsipering since I've been in the dorm becasue there are Hizbollah around.
Yesterday, I made instant friends with a Shia girl from the South--Hizbollah-land. She's so sweet and cute, and wrote her story on the blog. Damn, am I comproming her safety? But there are so just many Shia. It doens't matter. Anywhere could be a potiential Hizbollah headquarters. Anyone I talk to could be Hizboollah. That's why the Israelis are so freaked out. That's why this thing isn't going to blow over. This could be another excuse for the Americnas to occupy.
"So you're protesting by staying. You think they carry about your life. That your protest is going to stop anything."
"My family is here. I have to stay." Of course, that's an argument that is more than valid and can't be argued with.
But the brother was like. . ."What do I do?"
"Go to your embassy right now," I'm bossign him around, like the high school teacher that I am. "Get your family to call anyone with wasta to make sure you're on the next boat. . . Do you have your passport on you?"
And we talked so more. And I was like, "Allah ma3ak." And it was a very heartfelt interaction. They knew that I'm going out with the Americans.
Last night, I was walking in Hamra with a Lebanese friend. We ran into these kids. I stopped to talk to them. But my friend walked away, and waited a couple feet away, sort of looking away.
I was lookign at him, like Come here, say hi to these guys, I know them. I mean you're being kind of rude.
And I was like What idd you decide. The boy is definatly trying to leave.
And then we were saying what we think is going to happen. They were saying how Hizbollah was stronger than eveyrone thinks. They've got crazy, new weapons no one has seen. Isreal can't just end them in a week. It will take much longer. Israelis know this and are scaerd. Everybody knows they can get Tel Aviv right now. But they have these special hidden weapons that Iserarel cna't detect. (Israle has a right to defend herself.)
"Already we're winning. The Israelis are getting pushed back from the South. They've blown up planes [and other stuff but I don't remember what he said."
"We?" I was honestly confused. And had that Jane-is-confused look. You all know this look.
"The Lebnese," h said quickly. And then continued the conversation.
We said Allah Ma3ek again in the most friendly sweet way. And I pray they go out with their Embassy.
By the way I heard the Dutch embassy abandoned ship on Thrusdya maybe and left all their people here.
So I went bakc to my friend and he was like, "Those Hizbullah fuckers." He's DRuze.
And I was like, OOOOOOHHHHHHH. Am I so dumb?? I mean, they're with Hizboallah. I guess they're Shia.
And then it just hit me. The Shia are everywhere, which equals to Isrel, Hizballah are everywhere. And it's true. Not even the sacred AUB is safe. I've been told to keep whsipering since I've been in the dorm becasue there are Hizbollah around.
Yesterday, I made instant friends with a Shia girl from the South--Hizbollah-land. She's so sweet and cute, and wrote her story on the blog. Damn, am I comproming her safety? But there are so just many Shia. It doens't matter. Anywhere could be a potiential Hizbollah headquarters. Anyone I talk to could be Hizboollah. That's why the Israelis are so freaked out. That's why this thing isn't going to blow over. This could be another excuse for the Americnas to occupy.
Don't Worry--I'm Getting On that Boat
I will be with the AUB contingent getting on whatever. Because if the US attacks anyhthing, it might not necessarily be the one I'm on.
I'm leaving because of my mother. That's it. She will be dead if she doesn't see me soon.
ARe you all taking care of her?? Don't leave her alone now please. Even if she says she wants to be alone. PLEASE take care of her.
I've talked to many people who say the same thing.
Because of course we're experiencing some major survivor's guilt.
I hung out with 4 Lebanese friends today who can't leave. Two were acting normal. Getting up going to work. Not lettting it stop their routine. Today i nthe car we were goignthrough lights and easily found an illegal spot to park in the always crowded Ashrafiya, where we ate lunch in a restaurant.
"See there are advantages to war."
Major denial. And me like a dumbass. Being all serious. "It's going to bad." I'm so evil. Why am I saying this??? She knows. But she's in denial. It's a survival mechanism.
But two other friends are really sad. They kind of asked me in indirect ways if I can hook them up with visas to the U.S. In a way, they see me as their only way out. (One of the reasons I wanted to make a business. Is so that I could get work visas for all my friends in different countries to come to U.S. I mean, damn, I cna't marry all of them.)
It's so disgusting what I'm leaving them to.
But I, Jane Rubio, am not an insurance policy. I and other Americans are completley expendable. My staying here is a death wish that will change nothing.
And I have to see my mom ASAP. The stress is going to put her in the hospital.
BUT I'll make a decision at the port tomorrow. ARE there 40 Marines (CNN) or 1000 (Lebanese friend with family in the South who claim to have seen)??? This will help me make my decision.
Also, I have numberous Lebanese friends who are still going to go to Syria/Jordan. (Though no where is safe in this impending U.S. invasion--complete Middle East region War.) But if I think it's better they know how to cross through their villages and different places. People of course are crossign on foot. I cna't go with them. But I received two specific inviatations today. And it will ALWAYS be a possibilty.
But for now. I'm just getting on that boat. REally don't worry. I hope the people told to meet at 8 a.m. don't get left behind. EVeryone is gathering at the Marina now.
Yes, you all know, I want to stay and report live frmo the front lines and get you the real story. Becaues right now, you're just watching Hollywood images.
And believe me the survivor's guilt is unbeleibable. I just talked to four of my friends in Beirut. I was out running around all day. (My poor mother kept calling. She knew I was out. She was BEGGING me to go back to the dorm. I could hear her freaking out and crying.) But she knows me. I didn't go out. Instaed I drove all over Beirut, went to the port, and like the biggest dumb ass. I can't believe I did this.
I sawthe people all gathered waiitng to get on the boat. And I didn't aks them their nationality!!!! I assumed they were Canadian and French or British and some Americans because that's what everyone was saying. The Canadians spent the night in Biel last night and the British in the Forum.
I was there taking pictures, hoping the soldiers with poitned machine guns wouldnt' yell at me. But they didn't care. They were a lot of people, just waiting being normal, walkignaround. I waslked right into it. I easily could have asked them, but instead I was just talkign to my friend. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF JOURNALIST AM I?????? I'm so mad at myself. (Come on, Jane, I've spent the last couple years learning to forgive myself for my mistakes. Learn from them.)
I saw about five boats on the water. And my friend said one was definatley U.S. Marines. One of the trucks of the Lebanese army looked like trucks in Jordan which are made in Israel (according to a Lebanese guy I talked to).
I'm leaving because of my mother. That's it. She will be dead if she doesn't see me soon.
ARe you all taking care of her?? Don't leave her alone now please. Even if she says she wants to be alone. PLEASE take care of her.
I've talked to many people who say the same thing.
Because of course we're experiencing some major survivor's guilt.
I hung out with 4 Lebanese friends today who can't leave. Two were acting normal. Getting up going to work. Not lettting it stop their routine. Today i nthe car we were goignthrough lights and easily found an illegal spot to park in the always crowded Ashrafiya, where we ate lunch in a restaurant.
"See there are advantages to war."
Major denial. And me like a dumbass. Being all serious. "It's going to bad." I'm so evil. Why am I saying this??? She knows. But she's in denial. It's a survival mechanism.
But two other friends are really sad. They kind of asked me in indirect ways if I can hook them up with visas to the U.S. In a way, they see me as their only way out. (One of the reasons I wanted to make a business. Is so that I could get work visas for all my friends in different countries to come to U.S. I mean, damn, I cna't marry all of them.)
It's so disgusting what I'm leaving them to.
But I, Jane Rubio, am not an insurance policy. I and other Americans are completley expendable. My staying here is a death wish that will change nothing.
And I have to see my mom ASAP. The stress is going to put her in the hospital.
BUT I'll make a decision at the port tomorrow. ARE there 40 Marines (CNN) or 1000 (Lebanese friend with family in the South who claim to have seen)??? This will help me make my decision.
Also, I have numberous Lebanese friends who are still going to go to Syria/Jordan. (Though no where is safe in this impending U.S. invasion--complete Middle East region War.) But if I think it's better they know how to cross through their villages and different places. People of course are crossign on foot. I cna't go with them. But I received two specific inviatations today. And it will ALWAYS be a possibilty.
But for now. I'm just getting on that boat. REally don't worry. I hope the people told to meet at 8 a.m. don't get left behind. EVeryone is gathering at the Marina now.
Yes, you all know, I want to stay and report live frmo the front lines and get you the real story. Becaues right now, you're just watching Hollywood images.
And believe me the survivor's guilt is unbeleibable. I just talked to four of my friends in Beirut. I was out running around all day. (My poor mother kept calling. She knew I was out. She was BEGGING me to go back to the dorm. I could hear her freaking out and crying.) But she knows me. I didn't go out. Instaed I drove all over Beirut, went to the port, and like the biggest dumb ass. I can't believe I did this.
I sawthe people all gathered waiitng to get on the boat. And I didn't aks them their nationality!!!! I assumed they were Canadian and French or British and some Americans because that's what everyone was saying. The Canadians spent the night in Biel last night and the British in the Forum.
I was there taking pictures, hoping the soldiers with poitned machine guns wouldnt' yell at me. But they didn't care. They were a lot of people, just waiting being normal, walkignaround. I waslked right into it. I easily could have asked them, but instead I was just talkign to my friend. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF JOURNALIST AM I?????? I'm so mad at myself. (Come on, Jane, I've spent the last couple years learning to forgive myself for my mistakes. Learn from them.)
I saw about five boats on the water. And my friend said one was definatley U.S. Marines. One of the trucks of the Lebanese army looked like trucks in Jordan which are made in Israel (according to a Lebanese guy I talked to).
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