The Life Cycle Here

is honored. Things like births, deaths, and weddings. I live in a village in the mountains. In the village, people honor these life passages. In fact, life is about these life passages. It's not about work so much. In the U.S., no one pays attention to these things. If they were close to the person, they might go to the funeral. But rarely do people even write cards. What do they do if someone has a baby or got married, but isn't around to attend the baby shower or ceremony? Most likely nothing. People in the U.S. don't go to out of their way.

But here everything is celebrated. And there are procedures. Also, in Arabic there are certain things you say. We don't really have this in English. At the weddings, they tell me "Ahbalik" which means something like, You'll be next to get married. And when you see the new baby, you say "Mabruk" and then you have to say "Smalla" (in the name of God) a lot so that you don't give it the Evil Eye. The baby will have little trinkets and such to guard against it. And there are all kinds of things you say at funerals, like "God give you back what you lost." "God have mercy on him." What do we say in English? "Sorry". . . That's so lame.

In certain situations, there's like an exchange. But a lot of this is formal and village-y Arabic. My friends say they don't know what to say, or the proper response. But my buddy, Rola, is really good at it. She knows exactly what to say and can keep up with any of the old ladies.

When the baby is born, you're supposed to go visit the house, with some sort of gift. And the mom's mom is most likely with her daughter, and she is in charge of the meghli, a yummy dessert that you eat when you visit a new mom. And then she'll always have some chocolates and sweets to give as a parting gift. The new mom isn't supposed to leave her house for 40 days. . . .40 days!!!!! I asked a pregnant friend if she's going to do that, and she's like, No way. But the old people really insist on it. Some attribute their health problems to not being especially careful during that time.

For funerals, you visit the house and then you go to the funeral. And then you can keep visiting. I have been to three visitations and a funeral.

I went to three weddings this summer.

These visitations can be like full day affairs, or at least half day affairs. And for the sheikhas of the village, you get the feeling that they're there all the time. Like this is how they spend their time--going from wedding to funeral to visiting.