Not Without My Daughter. . .Part II

Response from a friend--
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You tell all the critics that Arabs make the best husbands! They are emotional, loving, caring, and protective. Even if the Arab husband asks a lot from his wife, he also gives her a lot.

It's all how you look at it.

Besides, Lebanon is not Saudi Arabia. I don't think you have to worry about him trying to throw a burka on you!
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So however much I criticize the idea of marrying an Arab, I am doing it. I know Mohamad will be an amazing husband, and I love that he is so loving, caring, and protective.

That said, I'm still talking to everyone.

The other day, it was with an American woman married to a Lebanese man who's been living here for 12 years with their 3 daughters. We'll call her Lois. She's the warden for the U.S. Embassy. That's a volunteer position, serving as an informal link between the Embassy and Americans. But her main job it seems has been smuggling women out of here. Her stories seemed endless . . .

1) Every time this American woman would take out the trash, she would take a bag of stuff to Lois's. After a couple weeks, while her husband was doing business in the Gulf, she came in the middle of the night with her two daughters, took the stuff, and got on a plane. She got to call her husband from the U.S. to say screw you, you're never seeing your kids again.

This is a good story.

2) One women was remarried in the U.S. The Lebanese ex-husband was getting tired of having to go to the U.S. every summer to see his kids. So he convinced his ex-wife to bring them to Europe. At some U.S. consulate, they signed a paper that he would bring them back August 28 (I don't know what year.)

She hasn't seen them since. Papers and signatures don't mean crap in Lebanon.

3) A Swedish woman came with her 2 kids and Lebanese husband to Lebanon to visit the family for 2 weeks one summer. After being in the apartment he rented for three days, with no sign of them, he calls her, "Oh. I'm divorcing you and taking the kids. Bye."

That's it. She has to leave--no kids.

4) After 28 years of marriage, one American woman finds out that her husband has been married to another woman for the past 4 years. She even lives in the same vilage. But hey, he was always "traveling." She found out because he had a new baby with the new wife.

Apparently, the man had some sort of midlife crisis when his kids turned 19. So he had to marry a new girl and get a new baby. Stuff like this is acceptable for some people here.

5) One American finally got her and the kids to the U.S. The kids had never set foot in the U.S. and had no American papers. Get this (and this is hard to believe, but she told me it really happened.) Because the mother hadn't established a domicile and had no job, she couldn't prove that could take care of her children, and without permission of the father, it looked like she kidnapped her own children. I'm not really sure of the details on this one. But the U.S. would not allow her children to enter the country. (Someone else can explain that to me.)

6) The Lebanese mother-in-law took one American woman's 9 and 4 year old away. But the 9-year old was such a pain in the ass to the grandmother and the whole family, they gave him back.

And these things aren't anomolies. They're actually very common.

So I ask Lois, "How can you stay here? You just told me you had a fight with your mother-in-law because she told your children that her Christian grandparents are going to hell."

"Yeah. We all make the decision to live here, knowing that at any minute, our husbands can throw us out of the house and take our kids. But marriage is marriage, you have to trust your husband. And anyways, he knows I'd take a gun to his head if he tried to pull anything."

"And if he dies."

"Hopefully, there won't be a problem with the family. But either way, I know people everywhere, I can get me and my kids out."

Maybe that's just the reality I'll have to live with. If anything happens to my husband and they stop us at the airport, I figure out another way to get them out. It's such a cloak and dagger, paranoia mindset . . . I think that's what happens when you live in the "Arab world" for a while. All these conspiracy theories/ paranoia situations take on a sort of normalcy.

It's so tense

They decided not to cancel school today. Instead, we have early dismissal at 12. Still our classes were less than half full.

Last night, Sanyoura spoke. He told the people to put out the Lebanese flags. Where I was in Beirut--Caracol Druze (a mostly Sunni area)--people put out their flags, shot fire works, and started marching down the street, banging drums.

Hizbollah people started camping out last night in Martyr's Square, where they protesters made a tent city a year and a half ago after Hariri died, calling for Syria Out.

Hizbolla says they will peacefully protest until the government steps down. They want new elections. Because they know it will give them more power.

Last year, in my History classes, we kept talking about the fact that Lebanon never had Truth and Reconciliation Trials after its Civil War. It's like the Lebanese never liked to talk about it. The national curriculum doesn't teach 1975-1991. There was Taif Accords and Syria stayed. But those underlying causes--an undemocratic, non-representative governmental structure and the interests of foreign powers (Israel, US, Syria, and Iran)--all still exist.

I don't think Civil War will break out. But I'm tired of stupid predictions. Who knows what's going to happen. And isn't it ironic that the General Security has my passport. That was my situation the last time the sh-- hit the fan, i.e. when the July War started.

Speculations and rumors are crazy. A couple days ago, it was Americans were told by their government to leave by December 1 (Oh wait, that's today.) The Embassy actually had to send out an e-mail to deny the rumor.

But everyone is tense. Today, the guy in the copy room was crying. I thought it was because his friend left. No, it's just all this.

Last week, when Pierre Gemayal was killed, I went to Aley to stay with my best friend. Her husband was crying too, while he was watching the news.

There's something really grim about watching grown men cry.